Note: Be forewarned. This is somewhat of a rant.
Tonight I went to a friend's bday party & another friend's going away party. There were a ton of us at this delicious but hole-in-the-wall italian restaurant, so we split up between four tables. While I don't know many of the people very well, I enjoy their company.
BUT... tonight I unfortunately was secretly on the show of "what NOT to do" (or I wish that were the case). My roommate and I sat down and later were joined by a revolving group of all the people that came just for a bit and then had to leave. By the time we ordered dinner we had a couple people who actually would stick around for a bit. We represented three different countries at our table, none being Spain. As soon as the guy to our left found out we were Americans, he first told my roommate that she had a really strong accent and that the first time he had met me he had been sure I was Spanish, no accent whatsoever. (Or at least that's what he said. He also, by the way, had a strong foreign accent, just a different one. Oh, and he's lived here by the way 4 times as long as my roommate has. She, by the way, actually speaks Spanish really well and doesn't have as much of an accent as he might lead you to believe. And I do have an accent, even if I wish I didn't, sometimes more than others.)
What NOT to do #1 - insulting one roommate & comparing the two with one being "perfect" and the other less than perfect
Then he proceeded to tell us all that he knows about the US, all that is wrong with Americans, and all that is wrong with the way "we" do things when overseas. He cited examples of a Marine who once threw a woman's dog out the window of a train because she had set it next to him, not moved it when he asked, and she was sitting in a completely different row from him. Of course he pulled out his gun when the train security came by. He shouted profanities at him and he wouldn't respond until the US embassy intervened. This was his example of how proud all Americans are. I'm not necessarily disagreeing, but I actually don't think we're the only ones and I also don't think all Americans are proud, self-righteous, in-your-face, rude,... And all Americans don't carry guns with them at all times nor throw women's dogs out the windows of moving trains.
What NOT to do #2 - insulting someone's culture, making huge generalizations that aren't actually accurate, using faulty examples that don't really apply to the people in question, ignoring the fact that your audience isn't really enjoying your subject of conversation
He then talked of how Americans throw their passport rudely at the passport control instead of gently handing it to them. Strange. Actually seems completely unlike what I'd think. And I can't recall ever doing that. I actually can be fairly critical of my own native culture, but all the things he said just don't even seem to be good generalizations. I could have helped him out rightly insult our culture, but no... he seemed to think he was the expert. Much later after I tried to change the conversation a bit, he tried to recover by telling us that there were one or two things that we do well, at which point I was done. I asked him to please stop talking about the US... Could we please change the subject?... I don't really like having my country completely insulted particularly when I don't think the things he was citing pertained to all US citizens,... and I was already fully aware of the bad reputation that American tourists have. I don't need to be told that, I've reminded of it quite often. I apologized on "our" behalf, but even after interrupting him 3 or 4 times to ask him to change the subject, he continued on.
What NOT to do #3 - continuing on and on and on and NOT changing the subject when asked to, trying to add one good thing to balance out all the bad you just said, oh, and later insulting someone's accent (particularly when you too have an accent)
Fortunate for me he eventually had to go. At this point he did actually say, to his favor, "I hope you don't have a wrong opinion of me. I think you guys are great..." He must have realized his err, but a little late. He for sure had not ruined the evening, but he did make it a bit less enjoyable. He could have figured out fairly early on by millions of non-verbals that we were a bit annoyed, but no. (I mean, my roommate's arms crossed, me leaning back in my chair, talking to the table next to us quite a bit, my not really being engaged, my asking him to change the subject (not so non-verbal), the look on both of our faces,...)
What TO do #4 - apologize
Anyway, the food was delicious, the company for the most part was good, and I was delighted to be there because I love dearly the people we were celebrating, but learn from this guy. No matter what country you're from DON'T ignorantly insult someone else's culture. It's not a way to make friends, not enjoyable, and certainly not beneficial in anyway unless you're trying to tell them that THEY are that way. And, if you are, just be direct. That's completely different and actually probably something GOOD to do. People generally don't like being insulted nor criticized, particularly inaccurately. So, yeah, there is my little rant for the night.
(And unfortunately this is neither the first nor the last time this has happened to me. Usually it has more legitimacy than what this guy was saying though and I actually can somewhat agree with them. And generally it is just for the first few minutes and then the conversation changes subjects, although I can think of just a couple other times where it went on and on and on.)
I'm headed to India for 10 days in June for a leadership training with CCC. Basically we're going to just see some works in India, some spiritual movements. We'll be in rural northern India.
