decorating!!!

I've been thinking on and off about decorating my apartment and while I probably won't we able to actually do so until Christmas, I at least have a few more ideas...

...estanterías, or bookshelves, made from old, brown crates. fun in part because we found a guy who sells crates (versus having to find this many in good shape on the street) for cheap. also fun because i'll get to design it and such.

... a floor lantern for the hallway, possibly two, one at each end, for when we have guests over. it's kind of a long hallway, but i hate leaving the lights on and wasting the electricity. plus candles are always more enchanting.


















... i'd also love a little corner in the living room with a soft, comfy chair to curl up in with a book. or maybe a hammock, although that would probably take up a lot of space.

... lots of textures, pretty earthly but also pretty. hmm...

... paint is the thing i haven't quite figured out. I wouldn't actually mind a couple shades of brown with maybe some earthly colors to accent (either real colors or whites and greens and blues and maybe the right color of coral or pink)... i really have no idea.

... i'm thinking of moving the huge bookshelf/buffet to the entryway of the hall to make more space

... the entryway needs a major overhall. i'd love to get a lot of morroccan lamps and such to make it very inviting and magical. the main question is the cost and where to find cheap, morroccan lamps. maybe i just make to take a trip down south soon. :-)

... and i think the entryway definitely needs a coat of paint, possibly a more vibrant color...

... and then there is a bookshelf that could be painted. i would totally strip it, but that is a long, some what toxic process. so... that also has to be decided, depending on where it ends up.

so... those are my rambling, random thoughts on redecorating as of late. not to mention some of the remodeling we're going to request from our landlord. i'd so love love love a new kitchen, or at least new cabinets and stove/oven. one that actually has a temperature gauge in the oven instead of just having to guess by the size of the flame and then knowing it will take longer and possibly have to be tinkered with and possibly turn out unevenly heated... i so have kitchen envy of the place we stayed in on the surf trip. cooking was so much more simple.

if i had my druthers i'd have a marble counter top. that's unlikely, but a girl can definitely dream.

“It is not the magnitude of our actions but the amount of love that is put into them that matters.” – Mother Teresa

wearing your heart on your sleeve

i just got off the phone with a dear friend of mine. she called to ask if i was okay. she noticed that yesterday afternoon i was a little down, or so it seemed. and she was right, although i didn't quite realize it 'til i was on the train to the airport.

i SO appreciate her asking, which expresses to me that she sees me and cares. she didn't have to call and i wouldn't have given it a second thought, but she did.

and apparently it was way too obvious what i was feeling, unbeknownst to me, because on the train on the way to the airport the girl riding with me, who i don't know very well (i just met her on friday) asked me the same thing, if i was doing okay. i was, but it occurred to me in that moment why i was upset. it was nothing, just a commentary that someone made about a certain subject that i happened to be sensitive about that day, probably all in jest. i knew it was nothing, but for some reason continued to run it around in circles in my head.

it is so nice to have good friends. and while i don't mean to wear my heart on my sleeve, sometimes it is nice to be asked if you're okay when you're a little upset. (although there are also times where i wish that no one knew how i felt.)

singleness, babies, weddings, longings,...

hmm... right now i'm actually in a great mood, so this actually has nothing to do with my present emotions.

recently weddings and babies have been on my mind quite frequently, in fact more frequently than i wish. it seems like everyone and their brother is having babies and getting married this year. since september i've been to two weddings, i have another one in just a week, and a girl who is also in madrid working with me is getting married next summer. as for babies, most of my friends now have at least 2 kids. fortunately, for my sake, there are still a couple other single friends around, but the list keeps on shrinking.

the girl in madrid who is getting married is the one whose wedding somehow affects me more than any other one has in a very long time. she came here last january on staff, this summer met her fiancé, and a month later they were engaged. while i know it isn't true, i feel like it's unfair, that somehow i've put in my time and deserve it more. (obviously, it's not something you "deserve" or "don't deserve," nor something that comes to you when you've earned it, but that is on an emotional level how i feel about it. i mean I want to get married and have kids too. when is it MY turn? that is again my emotions speaking, not my brain.)

then there have been several thoughtless things that people have said. i think it was primarily to poke fun at us (not thinking that it could come across as being hurtful), but a married guy at our meetings this weekend said (again i think in jest) that we just need to seduce a man; that that is the secret of who gets a guy and who doesn't. he said that is obviously an art, as the man needs to think he is doing the work, but he needs to first be enticed. he said it has nothing to do with looks or what a girl is actually like, but all about physical attraction and the girl pursuing the guy. while i think a girl obviously can't go hide inside a burlap bag, i strongly disagree. but then again i'm the one who is single. this guy's remarks infuriated me and at the same time made me feel hurt, as if he was saying that it's my own fault that i'm single. and made me want to survey all the guys i've ever liked and ask them why either nothing ever happened or it didn't work out. is it my fault? i think the answer is no. no, i haven't done things perfectly, but i also think that some of the relationships which haven't worked out have had little to nothing to do with me. honestly i think that we weren't the right two people to go together and/or the guy had no idea what he wanted (and sometimes i didn't either). the fact that most of the guys i'm talking about are still single too seems to support my point. (and they've definitely had some women pursue them or clearly express their interest in them.)

well today is a new day. on one hand i have no idea what to do with all this stuff. and on the other hand, while i would love to have someone to wake up to, to be with me through moves, through think and thin, to have a family with, to make decisions with, and i'd love to hold a little baby in my arms that is mine, i one trust that someday that may happen and on the other hand know that it will be okay if it doesn't, that the Lord will meet me in whatever situation i may find myself. He will give me the grace and strength i need for each day. for i know, despite my emotions at times, that i have a God who walks with me, who is my help and the one who cares for me and loves me and who is with me through the ebs and flows of life. my God loves me and chooses to bless me and protect and provide for me apart from what i deserve or "earn." that is so nice to know.

today i am resting. i got back last night around 11pm after a weekend of meetings in barcelona, which by the way went well. staff from around spain and students met to plan a retreat we have in march about discipleship. it was fun to watch mel, a student from madrid, as she gave input and processed both stuff she's been learning and things we talked about there. there were supposed to be several students from across spain, but in the end it was just mel.

today, i'm resting, which today means watching a movie, blogging, cleaning & doing laundry, going to the gym, journaling & spending time with Jesus, and maybe going for a walk or something. later on this week, a team from n. california gets here to help with our english immersion weekend & a thanksgiving dinner (and just to see what we do) and a friend of mine from st. peters is also going to join us, which is really fun!

as i rest, i'm also thinking through some things i need to do this week. and also things i'd like to do. one thing i'd really like to do is make a plan for redecorating the living room, entryway and hall. it's been awhile that i've wanted to do this, but it seems that i've only made time to take baby steps. if not before, christmas seems like the perfect time to work on it a bit more. some other things that need to get done are Christmas gifts (some of which i'd really like to be handmade), ordering some books from amazon, finishing some sewing projects, cleaning, updating my ministry website, etc., so... i just finished my movie and need to tackle both the laundry from the trip and my room that has seen the effects of being way too busy and being in and out of town a bit too frequently.

julia

I love Nora Aphron films! Julia and Julia definitely again is filled with great lines, similar to You've Got Mail also by Nora Aphron. It's absolutely wonderful!!! And it's made me think both about blogging and about possibly setting some type of goal/challenge. The second Julia decides to cook through all of Julia's French Cooking book in a year and blog about it. It also makes me want to buy Julia's book and learn to cook french food and to cook it well. Hmm...

As for goals, the things that come to mind are running another marathon, which would be great fun, really, or something along those lines. We'll see...

war and peace

So, I've been trying to think about war and a Christian's response to it - and the various positions held by believers over the years. It's not like I haven't thought about this before, but having watched Thin Red Line and knowing that we're going to discuss it tonight, and the fact that there are strong christian undertones, i'd just like my thoughts to be a bit more cohesive before i have to say them out loud (and to preferably not just be verbally processing).

Some of the big questions from the film are:

Where does the evil in the world and in us come from? What happened to the light and to the good in us and in the world?

Why is there war? Is war ever just? What is the right response of one who follows Jesus to war? How do we reconcile an individual response to evil and a government & country's response to it? Is it right to bring about justice through violence?

What about the beauty in the world and in people? Where does that come from? Why do we sometimes see it so clearly and other times does it seem so dim?

Anyway, there are many more questions than just this. And I honestly wish the film had more fully developed each of the characters. There are lots of vignettes and just brief touches with various characters so you are left with little thoughts and a lot of questions about even what they are trying to convey, what the movie is trying to convey, and what the various characters think.

So, in thinking about all this, here are a couple links I found through a google search that were helpful (Although I still have more questions than answers, they at least gave some more food for thought. And I DON'T necessarily agree with all that is written in these links.):

http://www.leaderu.com/humanities/demy.html

http://fromthestacksonmydesk.wordpress.com/2008/07/07/christian-response-to-war/

http://allkindsoftime.blogspot.com/2005/05/ive-read-good-deal-on-christian.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Thin_Red_Line_%281998_film%29

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120863/quotes

http://www.counterpunch.org/mcdowell02122003.html

http://sermons2.redeemer.com/sermons/war-and-peace

I'd love any thoughts you guys have too about this.

thin red line

I just watched Thin Red Line for our film night & discussion tonight. I'm not quite sure what I think of it yet and am thinking a bit about war and peace and how knowing Jesus affects the way I should rightly think about all this. I'll have to blog after I've sorted though my thoughts a bit more. But there are some interesting quotes below from the film.

"There's great evil. Where's it come from? How did it steal into the world?

What seed, what root did it grow from? Whose doing this? Who's killing us, robbing us of life and light, mocking us with the sight of what we might have known?

Does our ruin benefit the earth? Does it help the grass to grow and the sun to shine? Is this darkness in you too? Have you passed through this night?"

"War to any noble man turns them into dogs, poisons the soul."

"How do we get to those shores, those blue hills? Love, where does it come from? Who put this flame in us? NO war can put it out and conquer it. I was a prisoner, you set me free."

"How did we loose the good that was given us? Let it slip away, scatter carelessly? What's keeping us from reaching out and touching the glory?"

"One man sees a dying bird and... that death has the final word. Another man sees the glory and something shining through it."

"Everything a lie. Everything you hear, everything you see. So much to spew out. They just keep coming, one after another. You're in a box. A moving box. They want you dead, or in their lie... There's only one thing a man can do - find something that's his, and make an island for himself. If I never meet you in this life, let me feel the lack; a glance from your eyes, and my life will be yours."

"Darkness and light, strife and love, are they the workings of one mind, the features of the same face? "

All this has made me think of some C.S. Lewis quotes about man, life, war, peace,... I'll have to look them up and post them later.

justice?

Here's a link to an article on a friend's blog that has some very poignant quotes about the recent execution of a serial killer. It reminded me of some of the conversations we've had after our film night after dark movies like No Country for Old Men or the like.

Asturias

This past weekend we headed up north to BEAUTIFUL Asturias to surf. To be honest, not a lot of surfing actually happened due to the huge waves, strong under toe, and rough waters, not to mention the rain and sleet. We did some, but did a lot more just hanging out, exploring the rocky cliffs by the beach, climbing a little, running into the cold water while it sleeted, eating good hearty food, and just being together. It was great! There were 15 of us and I think we all got some good exercise, but were just refreshed by getting out of the city, getting to take some risks & adventures in the water and rocks, just hanging out and being, and by the incredible views. I'm again reminded that I think I need to do this more often; just take off and go somewhere fun and beautiful and to get out of the city now and then.

some perspective on life

A friend recently reminded me: "You can't ask for strength for tomorrow, you can only ask for strength for today. Matthew 6 tells us how we can't bother worrying about tomorrow - how we only get enough grace for one day at a time, we have only our bright hope for tomorrow."

Today as I looked at a few things that are very much out of my control and hands and felt completely overwhelmed, angry, and frustrated, I then thought, "Hey, wait. If you have no control over this, why are you so stressed out by it. You can't control it, you just have to both trust that the Lord will be with you, whatever may happen, and that He will give you grace for now and for the future." My friend's words came to mind and 99% of the stress I felt moments ago has dissipated. Everything is back in perspective.

Ironically I read Psalm 121 and yet hours later had forgotten some of the simple truths there which were exactly what I needed to remember. :-)