thanksgiving in the us

It's been six years since I've celebrated a Thanksgiving in the US. That added with NOT cooking for 50+ people and added with it just being me and the parents and added with having beaucoup work to get done this "break" made for a fairly uneventful, strange thanksgiving day. I was thankful to have some great friends with whom to spend dinner and was glad that my parents and I sat around the table together for a meal. But weird to say the least.

Yes, it caused me to pause briefly and to give thanks for what I have and how God has provided for me again and again this year. As my friend said tonight, "we've never truly been without."

It was fun to meet some fun turkish people which somehow strangely seemed appropriate on turkey day. It was nice and fairly uneventful. It made me a bit nostalgic about great thanksgivings past and friends and family whom I miss. Happy Thanksgiving!

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, his love endures forever..." Psalms

p.s. Highlights on the menu were some incredible goat cheeses, one with honey drizzled on top with a sage leaf, and the other covered with blueberries and slightly sweet. Yum!

Navidad ha llegado a Madrid!!! Christmas has arrived to Madrid!!!

I have some great friends. And yesterday was one of those great days with friends. Fran & Pepe came over for breakfast. We ate some of the rest of the cinnamon rolls I made the other day, with Chery too, and the cream filled croissants that Pepe brought, coffee, colacao, oj,... Then we took off for Plaza Mayor to enjoy the Christmas market, the Christmas decorations and to buy some crazy wigs & take a million pictures. Somewhere along the way we stopped for hot chocolate with whipped cream and some tea. We then went over to Pepe's for a fabulous lunch of paella & such with his family. We lingered there awhile admiring the lights, decorations and huge nativity scene that Pepe's family had put up. Then back to the center to walk, walk, and walk some more looking at lights, taking more pictures, buying a cute, warm hat (for me), having cappichinos (theirs with whipped cream on top), look at more lights and then all head home. It was fun, freezing, and full of a ton of laughs. Nothing like that to start off the holiday season!

the hair... good friends... good food... :-)

Okay... so, you're probably tired of hearing about my short hair drama. No new haircut today, but... I went out to lunch with some dear friend, one of whom cut my hair short six or so months ago, so I obviously had to style my hair to make it look good (I mean he is a hair stylist and DOES have opinions about hair). He and Juan are dear dear friends. They were in town and we went out to lunch with Juan's sister and my roommate Chery. And of course the first thing Juan said upon seeing me, is "Dawn, you cut your hair!" He said I looked beautiful, which he always says (bc he's a good friend). And then when we got in the car of course he said to Carlos (the hair stylist), did you notice Dawn's hair? A little later at lunch Juan brought up the subject again and said that he loved my new cut, that it looked a little funkier and more "dangerous." It made me laugh. Chery told them I want to grow it back out and both Carlos & Juan immediately said, "NO! You look way better with short hair." I said, "Well, it's just a matter of opinion. Some people like long hair and others short." They of course protested, but anyway... Who knows what the future of my hair holds, nor does it really matter. This is all craziness, but it is great to have two great guy friends who make me feel great both about how I look and cared for (as always, they treated us to lunch, which ALWAYS makes my day). Oh, how great it is to feel cared for and loved.

a day in NYC

It's been a few weeks now, but on the way back from the US I had a day in NYC, a place I will always love since I spent the summer there back in 1996 with "Summer In the City." Wow, that makes me feel old.

So, anyway, I have some of the greatest friends in the world in NYC and as always they showed me a great time. I met a dear friend, K, saw her new digs in the Upper West Side. Very swanky. We had a delightfully delicious lunch at a Mediterranean place, I can't remember the specific type of fare, but anyway. It was good and it was actually more about the conversation than the food. We talked about men, specifically the men that have been in our lives romantically lately and our unfortunate disappointments as of late. We both were hopeful it would work out this time and, at least for now, it hasn't. Sad. Frustrating. Disappointing. Illogical.... And a million other emotions and adjectives.

From there we went to meet up with another fun friend J to hear about his life, his possible job changes, or more exactly inevitable job change with an open door to a plethora of fun options for the future. It was fun to dream with him and to hear about the exciting-ness of having to make a change. And to hear about his lady friend, or more exactly girlfriend of about a year. We had yummy coffee and then headed through Italy-town, into Chinatown, while still talking about life and my desire to escape (with all the sadness of a recent breakup, about which I didn't really want to talk). So, j being the great friend that he is and the definite culturally ept soho resident, we went to the most incredible cocktail bar, Apotheke. It was amazing! I had a gingery jasmine sour, j had a sidecar (but the best sidecar i've ever had), k had something fresh called "seal the deal" with cucumber, vodka and also was pure yumminess. All very different, but all delicious! Definitely made the day & brightened my spirits. From there we went to a fun asian diner and had more yumminess - I had some kind of spicey green salad with shrimp and a delicious asian sauce of sorts, j had a yummy soup with asian dumplings or something and i don't remember what k had. From there k and i were beat, so we headed back to her place, talked more and crashed. Oh no, actually we went to the corner store (think NYC). I LOVED IT! I felt almost home (ie almost back to europe). It was a gourmet-esce store, but with everything crammed from floor to ceiling of a small corner store. The men working there were from somewhere else, but it didn't seem appropriate to ask where from exactly. Oh, and K is amazing. She bought Illy coffee which is by far my favorite (okay, maybe Kaldi's is up there too) in the whole world. YUM! And pb and soymilk and some yummy whole grain bread. Okay, she gets the amazing friend award (particularly after listening to my moping and pining). We then went to another place for tp because we had forgotten it and as I heard the clerks speaking Spanish, but from the States just from Latino families. I asked where they were from (in spanish) and either they weren't expecting me to ask in Spanish or something bc they acted like i was nuts. I said, "Nevermind." And we went home.

The next day we walked through Riverside Park (in You've Got Mail), took some pictures, met up with J and his girlfriend, walked around a bunch, went to an appointment she had, and eventually I made my way to the airport. I was happy to leave the US and return to normality. But I was also thankful to have some great friends care for me. :-)

men are a mystery to me

This past weekend I met up with a good, good friend from when I lived in Kansas and two other guys from his team in Central Asia to hang out and to show them around Sevilla, where I lived from 1999-2001. It was great fun and they are hilarious, but there were a couple moments which made me walk away and think that men are strange... and definitely somewhat of a mystery to me. It was great to be with an old friend, which seems to be happening to me quite a bit this month, and to get to hang out with the guys for a couple days.

Some highlights of the weekend were:

... being in Sevilla, which I do miss and get back to way to infrequently
... getting caught up on my friend's life and hearing cotilleos de cada uno about girls and such
... walking around a bunch & being amazed that I still know how to navigate barrio Santa Cruz which is a maze of streets
... being in the company of three people who LOVE spanish food and culture - since basically everything that is normal here is prohibited where they live (a muslim country versus spain that has millions of pork products, great wine and such, and tons of unveiled and beautiful women)
... some of the hilarious and strange happenings - one being running into some study abroad students down by the river who were from a neighboring town of one of the guys from wisconsin who was OVERJOYED that he actually knew where he was from - he said it was the highlight of his ENTIRE time in Spain (which thusfar has been a full week, :-)). we happened to run into the same people two more times as we wandered around.
... sevilla, sevilla,...
... there actually being heat in the hostel we stayed at
... & just having some great time to relax

wearing your heart on your sleeve

i just got off the phone with a dear friend of mine. she called to ask if i was okay. she noticed that yesterday afternoon i was a little down, or so it seemed. and she was right, although i didn't quite realize it 'til i was on the train to the airport.

i SO appreciate her asking, which expresses to me that she sees me and cares. she didn't have to call and i wouldn't have given it a second thought, but she did.

and apparently it was way too obvious what i was feeling, unbeknownst to me, because on the train on the way to the airport the girl riding with me, who i don't know very well (i just met her on friday) asked me the same thing, if i was doing okay. i was, but it occurred to me in that moment why i was upset. it was nothing, just a commentary that someone made about a certain subject that i happened to be sensitive about that day, probably all in jest. i knew it was nothing, but for some reason continued to run it around in circles in my head.

it is so nice to have good friends. and while i don't mean to wear my heart on my sleeve, sometimes it is nice to be asked if you're okay when you're a little upset. (although there are also times where i wish that no one knew how i felt.)

some perspective on life

A friend recently reminded me: "You can't ask for strength for tomorrow, you can only ask for strength for today. Matthew 6 tells us how we can't bother worrying about tomorrow - how we only get enough grace for one day at a time, we have only our bright hope for tomorrow."

Today as I looked at a few things that are very much out of my control and hands and felt completely overwhelmed, angry, and frustrated, I then thought, "Hey, wait. If you have no control over this, why are you so stressed out by it. You can't control it, you just have to both trust that the Lord will be with you, whatever may happen, and that He will give you grace for now and for the future." My friend's words came to mind and 99% of the stress I felt moments ago has dissipated. Everything is back in perspective.

Ironically I read Psalm 121 and yet hours later had forgotten some of the simple truths there which were exactly what I needed to remember. :-)

happy times...

last night we had our first of the semester english night. (we have them about once a month.) unfortunately it coincided with the champion's league soccer match between real madrid and milán, so many of our regulars weren't here. (and double-ly unfortunately, madrid lost.) but we still had a nice little group and had a great time. it was also fun because a few study abroad students dropped by to lend us a hand, which was much appreciated.

and after we opened some lambrusco to celebrate bekah's recent engagement. it was fun hanging out for a bit and i felt loved. a peruvian friend of ours was over and she said that she wants to possibly move to canada after finishing here degree to get a master's in law somewhere else. it was late and i was tired, so i told her she needed to move to missouri, not canada, and of course proceeded to spout the greatnesses of missouri (which unbeknownst to many, who are very mistaken about our fine green state, are quite great). i mean the pure number of rivers to go canoeing on, the BEAUTIFUL green hills, good places to hike and explore, i could go on. granted we don't have a huge mountain range, but missouri is far from flat. granted we have no beaches, but we do have lakes and rivers and caves...

so, i'm in the room with dave who's from delaware, bekah from cali/colorado, chery who's from colorado, and zadith from peru. they start to tease me, which i think if done properly is one of the best ways to show love. somehow we then started to talk about bears and their abundance in canada (with a bit of exaggeration), the movie "grizzly bear," and other reasons why zadith would be much better not in canada (definitely very tongue in cheek). so, i don't fully remember the context (i mean this was somewhere around midnight on a wed night.) we begin to talk about rivers and such and i very matter-of-fact-ly state where the missouri river begins and ends (clearly in colorado) and that i thought i remembered learning that it flowed backward or something like that. they only half believe me and start to talk about how convincingly i can talk about just about anything i really have no idea about and how this is exactly the same way i try to twist the rules on games at times. (i think this was around the time that i said, "no, i'm pretty sure i am right. but i guess i really have no idea. (which i guess is a common phrase of mine.)" dave and bekah both then said, "yeah, we already knew that." so i then wanted to prove the validity of what i had just said so went to find the atlas someone randomly gave me for my birthday this past year. sure enough the missouri river starts right where i said (not too hard, since it's in st. louis, where i'm from) and goes west up between iowa and nebraska, turns west across nebraska, and then, oh.... somehow they continued to talk and all i said was, oh.... and then told them what i had been right about and then the BUT... :-) the missouri river actually ends in south dakota or around there, not in colorado (but close, right?).

anyway, i share all this to say, they then talked about the many dawn-isms that exist and i relished in the fact that it's true that they know me well and that they appreciate the little things that make me me (and definitely are things very opposite from both dave & bekah).

i guess it's just nice to feel known and loved. :-)

friends

Okay, so yes it's true that I need to get some sleep, considering that I need to be up in about 7 hours, but I just read some friends' blogs and wrote a couple e-mails and have some quick thoughts on my mind.

So, today I met with so dear friends who I haven't seen all summer and I also talked to a far away friend via facebook. Both blessed me tremendously, one because he listened (albeit via messages) and the other two because they cared. Interestingly all three are men, but men for whom I am extremely grateful.

Two of the guys shared about their lives and summers and upcoming things. One of them wants to get married and likes a girl, whom he's pursuing. The other also recently started "to get to know" a girl recently to see where things go. And I suppose because they are in love, or at least in the clouds of liking someone, they've decided to make my love life their business, which makes me feel loved and cared for (obviously in a platonic way).

Awww, I love good friends! And honestly I love having good guy friends, ones that you know where things stand, who love you and have your back, but also you know are just friends. One thing I've missed living here in Madrid are good guy friends. And up until now it seemed like often there was ambiguity or that awkward tension of both sides intentions. So this is nice, freeing. (Not to say by any means that I wouldn't like a guy that were more than friends, if he were the right guy that is.) (And while this only mentions three of these guys there are some others too here who have become good friends.)

That's it. I'm now babbling and making no sense, so off to sleep. Oh, and thanks far away friend and fun here friends!

perspective

I just started my period today, which always in some ways is nice, as it gives some logic to my strange emotions the couple days before and this time to why i had an enormous appetite yesterday. The downside is the rush of emotions i felt today - longing to be married and have kids, a little overwhelmed with my to do list, frustrated at the world for no reason, feeling needy and unheard and uncared for, and just in an all around bad mood.

I journaled a bit, got some perspective from reading the Bible, and decided despite trying to be productive that I just needed to get out of the house and exercise a bit. I went to the gym and then met up with Beth to go running. She too was in a bad mood, so we both unloaded a bit, gave each other perspective and gospel-centered truth about how God sees us, our perfectionist tendencies and reality, our slowness to see and ask for help, and a plethora of other things. On my way home, I thought of how sweet the Lord is to put Beth there right when I needed someone to listen and how sweet of him to put her there to normalize my bad mood. We both left our run with our spirits lifted and reminded of how God delights in us and also of his sweet provision and care. :-) Plus going for a run always does help me to feel great, particularly on a nice day like today.

i am blessed

So, after the posts yesterday, you would not believe the day i had today. God is so good and gracious. I calmed down a bit and, thanks to God's word, put things back into perspective.

Then tonight (or this afternoon for spain time, 8-10pm) a friend stopped by, a friend more of my roommate chery than of me, but still a good friend. He practically forced me to go out with them for tapas and drinks. I had planned to finished studying for my seminary class that I have to finish before the end of the year and which i've spent all day working on (basically non-stop), and planned on continuing. Well, she gave him his christmas present and then he convinced me to come with them just for a bit (which in my american mind was an hour, but in my spanish mind i knew it would at least be two and was). We walked a ways (which i love) to a fun little café with vermoth and then went to a place closeby with wine and tapas. We laughed a ton and juan, the friend's name, is just a great, comforable fully platonic person who warms your heart to be with. It is so refreshing and around these days it's nice to both be reminded of God's abundant and gracious care, as well as, being around friends who really care about you.

Beyond that my day has been full of studying and much more, but I've acomplished a great deal and am over halfway done with what i need to do. praise the Lord! As I was walking home with chery and juan, I thought, it is YOU, Lord, who has used this day to remind me of your intimate care for me. That while I don't have a husband or a man to care for me right now, the Lord is the best husband, the best lover I could ever have (not to say that takes away the desire to marry, have kids, etc.,) but it does put things back into perspective and remind me that, yes, I am abundantly blessed. T am the child of a king, a king who loves me as his precious child, a king who makes the impossible happen, a king and Lord I can trust. :-) merry almost christmas!!!

Oh, and here is a little excerpt from my studying. I'm taking a theology class on Christ, man, sin, and salvation. One of the things I most recently read about was what is meant in Genesis 1:26-27 when God says, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness,... So he made man in his image, male and female he created them." (paraphrased) Anyway, there is a quote by C.S. Lewis that I love from his book, "The Weight of Glory." So, here you go:

"There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations --these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit--immortal horrors or everlasting splendors. This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment must be of the kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously--no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption. And our charity must be real and costly love, with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinners--no mere tolerance, or indulgence, which parodies love as flippancy parodies merriment. Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbor is the holiest object presented to your senses. If he is your Christian neighbor, he is holy in almost the same way, for in him also Christ vere latitat, the glorifier and the glorified, Glory Himself, is truly hidden."

Blessings & a Very Merry Christmas to you and yours!

new friends... old friends... just along the way

one of the highlights of being in ligonde was the amazing people i met who were working alongside me or just passing through.

here are a few of the people i remember. (i'll have to come back and write some more about the people i was working with, as i really did learn a lot from them as well. and there is a lot more to be said even about the pilgrims, i am just too tired to write much more right now.)

a spanish guy with 3 kids, i unfortunately don't remember his name, but he got me thinking about walking the whole camino - about 30+ days and about doing it more or less alone. he said he thought everyone at some point should do the whole thing and do it alone. not just as a challenge, but as quality time to think and grow. after the day with the Lord, walking alone, i would really love to walk the whole thing and am trying to think of a time i could actually do it. we'll see...

several hungarians, one named kata, and another one who i can't quite remember her name either, possibly esther. anyway, she impressed me as she talked about her country and asked for our prayers for it. hungary and hungarians will probably always have a special place in my heart since during college our Cru group prayed for hungary and sent people there in the summers to help with an english camp for high school and college students. many of the hungarians who passed through had a hungarian flag on their backpack, so were easy to pick out. but anyway, i digress, this girl i'll call esther asked for prayer for her country during our prayer time, so later i asked her about that (both specifics of why she wanted prayer for her country - since i haven't been the best with keeping up with news of hungary over the years - and about her spiritual journey - she mentioned that several were fasting and praying for their country, not the thing you hear everyday). it was interesting and encouraging to hear that many hungarians are calling out to God to heal their country, which economically isn't doing so well and still has a very high rate of suicide among youth. so, if you think of it pray and fast for hungary with them and for them.

i also met this woman christine, who is an american and who will probably crash at my place on wednesday on the way back to the states. she was walking with an austrian friend she had met along the way, named crista.

there were some sweet madrileños and catalans and sevillanos i met as well, including several who were extremely open about their spiritual journey. it was fun to talk about God and Jesus and what He means to me and my spiritual journey as well as listening to them.

i met an english woman and a spanish woman who had both discovered God along the camino. after explaining the Gospel to both they both said that was what they wanted in their life. they had both grown up with spiritual baggage that had kept them from allowing God into their lives, but now wanted to release control to him. please pray for them.

there was a japanese kid and a german girl, both of whom were searching for God but who were waiting for him to reveal himself to them along the camino. they had three days left of walking when the stayed with us. please pray for them.

again and again people commented on the peace present at our refuge and how there was something different about this place, something that drew them in and made them feel at home. we shared that we wanted to serve them and to demonstrate Jesus's character through both actions and words. it is amazing how open people are during this journey, pilgrimage, and how almost all of them are looking for something spiritual. pray that they would find Jesus.

there are a few people i will hopefully talk with again, but many whom we were only a day in their life. fortunately God is in control and he can use their time with us and at the refugio in powerful ways to draw them to him.

a child?

so, yesterday amidst the many stops i hung out with one of my best friends, catha, and her little 5 mos old baby, sydney. sydney is adorable and has actually grown in her cuteness since i saw her last (when i first got home, end of may).

so as we were talking, catha mentioned that they are having a hard time choosing a guardian, or that person that would take care of their kid(s) should anything God forbid happen to her and john. and she said that of course it would be an easier decision if i lived in the US. i told her that of course if anything were ever to happen that i would be more than happy to take care of sydney and kin, although possibly in spain (or wherever i may be).

at the time it was an obvious reply, but as i went home and laid awake in bed, it occurred to me that it would be a HUGE life-changing decision, should, God-forbid, that ever happen. i began to think of all the decisions a parent moving kids overseas has to think about and all the decisions a parent in general would make. i mean, i'm sure i just touched the surface, but there is the issue of her grandparents all being in missouri-illinois, the wishes of her parents in terms of where she would grow up, where she would attend college (mainly if it would be in the us or abroad), her emotional trauma and all that she would go through if her parents died and then she moved overseas with her mom's best friend, but someone whom she only knew from occasional visits and cards. it made me then think briefly of if all this were to happen while i were single and how, if it happened tomorrow, how it would completely turn my world upside down too. how would i juggle it all? should i really be the one to raise their kid? so many questions. and the fact that this needs to be a real, prayerfully made decision, not just an "of course i'd take care of your kid because i'm your friend" answer. even though in a sense, i still think it is probably that easy. i mean i think it is that simple, even taking away the fact that my life would be turned upside down. sydney would be worth it. crazy... i mean really insane thinking that that could happen. but it could.

and now that i type all this out, i think it would actually be okay. very very complicated, but somehow the Lord would work it out. i mean my best friend in spain is a single mom and somehow she does it. definitely not ideal, nor what i'm hoping for, but just to say... and hopefully, sometime sooner than later i may actually find someone i'd want to spend the rest of my life with and get married and possibly have kids of my own. i know nothing is promised in that respect and i am fairly content with my life, but it is something i still desire (if, of course, i find someone i don't want to live without who, of course, feels the same way about me). it would be nice... and most likely will eventually happen.

Road Trip

So... I am headed off on a little road trip. The truth is that it really is more about getting from Missouri to Florida, but I figured that I might as well add in some fun stops that include places I've never been to, specifically New Orleans. It helps also that I have friends and family along the way.

So, here is the plan thus far.

I'll take off from St.Peters, MO, early Tuesday morning (june 3) and head south to Louisiana. I'll hang out there and hopefully get to see my friend Danielle and crash on her couch. Then I'll take off the next morning to go along the southern coast and stop in Tallahassee to see my friend Angelica (who is actually Spanish and from Madrid, I met her here, but now she her husband and little boy reside in Florida) and her family and spend the night there. Then I'll take off leisurely the next morning to finish the trip to Orlando.

I'll be in Orlando for about a month as one of the coach for CCC's cross-cultural training for staff heading overseas long-term.

Then early on July 11 I'll get back in the car, head up to Atlanta, to maybe grab a meal with Macy and her husband. I'll head over to Huntsville, Alabama, to see some cousins on my mom's side and possibly spend the night there. I'll, either that night or the next morning, head up to Louisville, KY, to hang out with my good friend Kristie who recently came to visit me in Madrid (and do tons of research for her PhD). I'll get to see her baby and family and then make the trek back to St.Louis.

I'm excited... particularly about the New Orleans part and seeing some friends I haven't seen in quite awhile. :-)

Being Known

There is something about being able to share with someone the good and the bad from your life. Feeling comfortable being fully open even with the stuff you are still wrestling with, still in the midst of.

So my friend, Katie, is here visiting. We lived together last year and it is nice to have somebody around to verbally process some of the stuff I've been thinking about recently. And it's great to have someone here who knows what my life looks like here, because she's lived here too. It's also nice as I wrap up things here before I head home to have her here, who just by her presence helps me to slow down a bit and put things back into perspective.