Driving... :-S

Note: Picture by Nathan B Hughes

I failed my driving test on Monday. It makes me a little mad because I failed it because I didn't correctly understand the rule for a stop sign with no line on the ground.

Instead of stopping AT the stop sign, you are supposed to PASS the stop sign without stopping and go into the intersection until you can see clearly for 30-40 meters in both directions and then STOP completely (even though you may be halfway in the intersection). If you do stop at the stop sign by accident, or if you stop before the point where you can see cars in both directions fairly far down the street in BOTH directions, you have to come to a complete stop. If you pause at any moment to look without coming to a complete stop (even if you have already stopped once or even twice), then you technically have RUN THE STOP SIGN and you FAIL the test, which is what happened with me. I stopped twice (although somehow I didn't realize that I had to stop halfway into the intersection (because it seemed dangerous to me, go figure)) but stopped too early the second time, then inched forward and paused (NOT STOPPING FULLY) and so I failed the test. It took all of about 5 minutes.

In other words, long story short, I have to go back this next Monday to try again. PLEASE PLEASE pray for me.

I just got back from another pricey driving class (40 Euros) and the instructor, as normal, yelled at me a ton, asking me what was wrong with me and why I didn't listen every time I did the slightest thing wrong. My main problems were not being able to see far enough on the roads (you have to see the ENTIRE car, 30-40 meters away, which means that if you can only see the nose of the car or if bushes obstruct part of the car in anyway then you CAN'T see clearly, which is obviously grounds for yelling and insults (since negative reinforcement is the way to go)), when I had to stop quickly pushing the clutch BEFORE the brake (or at all before the car was going to stall), and once in awhile putting one of my hands inside the wheel to turn, instead of ALWAYS keeping them FULLY on the outside.

I am a bit fed up with all of this and ended up crying for half my lesson today. It infuriates me to no end that when I ask him to explain something, he always says, "I already told you that (which is generally NOT the case, or even if it is, I obviously DIDN'T understand if fully)." His other great responses are, "Of course" or "That's your problem, you're in Spain now and yet you act as if you're still in the US" or insulting the way my dad taught me 16 years ago. Oh, and if I do mess up, at least not stopping in the correct spot (due to a stop sign or yield) of course he SLAMS on the brakes to prove his point. This would be better if he then would actually explain himself well, so that I get what he's trying to impress upon me. Oh, the joys of relearning to drive! And for a mere 400+ Euros!

It's true that I am driving a lot more relaxed these days, have gotten a lot more used to his critique, and think that I may finally know all the tricks they could pull. I just want this to be over. I don't really like how tense I get while driving and for a couple hours afterward. God-willing this will all be over NEXT Monday. Seriously, do pray for me.

(matthew 25:35-36,40)

"Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life." Proverbs 4:23

"For thus says the Lord God: Behold, I, I myself will search for my sheep and will seek them out. As a shepherd seeks out his flock when he is among his sheep that have been scattered, so will I seek out my sheep, and I will rescue them from all places where they have been scattered on a day of clouds and thick darkness... I will seek the lost, and I will bring back the strayed, and I will bind up the injured, and I will strengthen the weak... I will feed them in justice." Ezekiel 34:11-12,16

"I will take you from the nations and gather you from all the countries and bring you into your own land. I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean from all your uncleanliness, and from all your idols I will cleanse. And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statues and be careful to obey my rules. You shall dwell in the land that I gave to your fathers, and you shall be my people, and I will be your God." Ezekiel 36:24-28

Here are some song lyrics that caught my attention today:

"Mighty Is The Power Of The Cross" - Chris Tomlin

What can take a dying man and raise him up to life again?
What can heal a wounded soul?
What can make us white as snow?
What can fill the emptiness?
What can mend our brokenness?
Brokenness

[Chorus:]
Mighty, awesome, wonderful
Is the holy cross
Where the Lamb laid down His life
To lift us from the fall
Mighty is the power of the cross

What restores our faith in God?
What reveals the Father's love?
What can lead the wayward home?
What can melt a heart of stone?
What can free the guilty ones
What can save and overcome?
Overcome

[Chorus]

It's a miracle to me [2x]
And It's still a mystery [2x]
It's a miracle to me
The power of God
For those who believe

Mighty, awesome, wonderful
Is the holy cross
Where the Lamb laid down His life
To lift us from the fall
Mighty is, Mighty is,
Mighty is the power of the cross

Thank You for the cross [2x]
Love the cross [2x]
So Powerful...... ohhhhh yeahhh
What can take a dying man?
And raise him up to life again?

Worship You Jesus
By your wounds we are healed
By your wounds we are saved
Mighty is the power of the cross [2x]
Thank You Jesus for the Holy cross
---

"Worthy, You Are Worthy" - Matt Redman

Worthy, You are worthy
Much more worthy than I know
I cannot imagine
Just how glorious You are
And I cannot begin to tell
How deep a love You bring
O Lord my ears have heard of You
But now my eyes have seen

You're worthy
You're worthy
You're worthy
You're worthy to be praised
Forever and a day

Glory, I give glory
To the One who saved my soul
You found me and You freed me
From the shame that was my own
And I cannot begin to tell
How merciful You've been
O Lord, my ears had heard of You
But now my eyes have seen

We'll sing an anthem of the highest praise
We'll sound an anthem of Your glorious name
---

"Manners and Means" - Caedmon's Call

The heart is a lonely thing to lose in the dead of night
The heart is a sad thing to lose in the throws of a fight
The heart is the match to the fire
And the embers of desire, to keep it burning

I am a shell of the manner and the means
Mine is a story of nothing as it seems
But when we have come this far
And still don't know who we are, does it keep burning?

When it's over, and you see it with your eyes
Would you rather have the truth or a lie?

I call for angels to breathe holy on this rust
I call the snakes to come out slowly from the brush
I need a massive overhaul
A revival to fall, to keep it burning

The heart is a costly thing to sell in the prime of the years
And my heart is thinly veiled in the usual fears
The heart is the dream, and the kiss
That there could be more than this, to keep it burning
---

"Awake My Soul" - Caedmon's Call

The image of God invisible, the first born of all life
Before and within, he holds it all in
One name, one faith, one Christ

No one is good enough, to save himself
Awake my soul tonight, to boast nothing else

I trust no other source or name, nowhere else can I hide
This grace gives me fear, and this grace draws me near
And all that it asks it provides

No seam in this garment, all my rags to hide
No less than your love, for Jesus is mine

When I stand on the edges of Jordan
With the saints and the angels beside
When my body is healed, and the glory revealed
Still I can boast only Christ

To boast nothing else
---
"I See the Lord" - Mark McCoy, Andy Park

I see the Lord and His train fills the temple
I see the Lord, He is high and lifted up
I see the Lord and His train fills the temple
I see the Lord, He is high and lifted up
Angels cry? Holy, holy is the Lord?
Angels cry? Holy, holy is the Lord?

I see the Lord and His eyes are flaming with fire
I see the Lord and His hair is white as snow
Angels cry? Holy, holy is the Lord?
Angels cry? Holy, holy is the Lord?

The angels came and touched the coal to my lips
My guilt is gone and sin has been forgiven
And I cry? Holy, holy is the Lord?
And I cry? Holy, holy is the Lord?

And the temple is filled with the glory of God
And the whole earth is filled with the glory of God

He called to me? Whom shall I send??
I answered Him? I will go for You?
And I cry? Holy, holy is the Lord?

It just occurred to me why I've been in a little bit of a funk the past couple days and a bit more easily perturbed and overwhelmed than normal. My period, or regla, is just around the corner. Oh the joys of being a woman. At least I can see that, no I am not depressed or a complete mess. I can stop asking, "What is wrong with me? Why do I get so upset about the tiniest of things?" Obviously it doesn't justify my being mean or rude, but it gives an explanation of why I feel as I do, which somehow makes me put everything back into perspective and to not let it affect me as much. I just know that it will last about a few days to a week, then my regla will come and all will return to normal. So if over the next few days I become really emotional at the drop of a pin, it will have some explanation.

And, I guess as I write this, that reality is that my emotions are only exaggerated, so sometimes it's actually a good thing to get to the root of what is going on inside me but that would normally NOT come out. Just like being overseas. :-) Hmmm...

Psalm 136:26
"O give thanks to the God of heaven, for his steadfast love endures forever."

Psalm 30
"I will extol you, O Lord, for you lifted me out of the depths, and did not let my enemies gloat over me. O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you healed me. O Lord, you brought up my soul up from the grave; you spared me from going down into the pit.

Sing to the Lord, you saints of his (all who follow him); praise his holy name. For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may last for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

When I felt secure, I said, ‘I will never be shaken.’ O Lord, when you favored me, you made my mountain stand firm; but when you hid your face, I was dismayed.

To you, O Lord, I cried; and to the Lord I cried for mercy; ‘What gain is there in my destruction, in my going down into the pit? Will the dust praise you? Will it proclaim your faithfulness? Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me; O Lord, be my help.’

You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever."

Tonight I was feeling tired, weary, overwhelmed and burdened. It occurred to me that I have been running around all day, busy with things to do, fixing things, and just getting a million things done despite being fairly exhausted from my week of meetings in Barcelona and of lacking sleep.

I opened my Bible to read a bit and it fall to Isaiah 40. This isn't the general way I tend to go about things, but it was good for tonight.

"Comfort, comfort my people, says your God.
Speak tenderly to Jerusalem, and proclaim to her
that her hard service has been completed, that her sin has been paid for, that she has received from the Lord's hand double for all her sins.

A voice of one calling:
'In the desert prepare the way for the Lord;
make straight in the wilderness a highway for our God.
Every valley shall be raised up, every mountain and hill made low;
the rough ground shall become level, the rugged places a plain.
And the glory of the Lord will be revealed, and all mankind together will see it. For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.'

... You who bring good tidings to Zion, go up on a high mountain.
You who bring good tidings to Jerusalem,
lift up your voice with a shout,
lift it up, do not be afraid;
say to the towns of Judah, 'Here is your God!'
See, the Sovereign Lord comes with power...
He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.

Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand,
or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens?
Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket,
or weighed the mountains on the scales and the hills in a balance?
Who has understood the mind of the Lord,
or instructed him as his counselor?
Whom did the Lord consult to enlighten him,
and who taught him the right way?
Who was it that taught him knowledge
or showed him the path of understanding?

...To whom, then, will you compare God?
What image will you compare him to?
As for an idol, a craftsman casts it,
and a goldsmith overlays it with gold
and fashions silver chains for it.
A man too poor to present such an offering
selects wood that will not rot.
He looks for a skilled craftsman
to set up an idol that will not topple.

Do you not know? Have you not heard?
Has it not been told you from the beginning?
Have you not understood since the earth was founded?
He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth,
and its people are like grasshoppers.
He stretches out the heavens like a canopy,
and spreads the out like a tent to live in...

'To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?'
says the Holy One.
Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength
not one of them is missing.

Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel,
'My way is hidden from the Lord;
my cause is disregarded by my God?'

Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint." (Isaiah 40)

I could write a bunch more, but that is exactly what I needed to meditate upon - God and His character and power. :-) Praise be the Lord God Almighty. And thanks to Him that He is oh so faithful to meet me just as I am and to lead me onward, reminding me that HE and He alone is my only hope and the one I need to cling to. I am not self-sufficient nor superwoman, nor do I even need to pretend to be such. He delights in me depending on and delighting in Him and in needing Him. :-) So sweet, he is.

My Trip Back (to Madrid from Barcelona)

I had a day full of travel today. After four days of meetings in Barcelona, talking about ways to improve internal communication with the student ministries and some other national decisions, I headed back to Madrid today.

I woke up, had some coffee, talked a bit with a friend (with whom I stayed last night), jumped on the ferrocarril (a train), switched over to the metro 20 min later, walked to the bus station, bought a very gross sandwich (I think it was a couple days old - all the veggies on it were brown, soggy and gross. Unfortunately it wasn't until I was on the bus eating it that I found out this sad news.), got on the bus to the outside of Barcelona Ryanair airport (an hour+ outside of Barcelona), went through security, got on the plane, arrived to Madrid, got on a bus, got on the metro, and then finally walked home.

It was a long day and on the last stretch of the metro I saw a couple brief headlines on the metro news (on tv's at the platform where you wait). I only caught a couple words as I walked past them, but they were a bit disturbing - Barajas (the Madrid airport), Bin Laden, Monday,... (It also just happens that I have an entirely too active of an imagination, so I likely unconsciously embellished what I actually saw and made up my own story.)

When I got home I asked one of my roommates if she had heard anything and, yes, she had. It wasn't a bomb threat, as I thought I had heard, but instead one of Bin Laden's 17 or so kids asking for political asylum in Spain (after being denied it in both the UK and in France). Very strange and I'm not quite sure what to make out of it (which seems was also true of the Spanish government). Apparently, according to various sources, he was denied asylum. So, I'm not quite sure where that leaves him. Interesting. Strange. And a bit unsettling.

If you want to read the stories I found, here are some of them (the ones in english: nytimes, bbc.

various random updates

As seems to be happening a bit too often recently, I can't seem to fall asleep so I am blogging. I do have quite a bit on my mind and have had a full week and for some reason am really happy and full of adrenaline presently (inexplicably other than having had a great day and a great few days). I finally joined a gym by my house which I tried out early this morning and loved, I got the color copies for an outreach we're doing on campus the week after next, had a great time talking with one of my roommates today, and am excited about my costume for the "metro" party tomorrow.

The party is a costume party where we have to dress as one of the metro stops. For instance, if you dressed as the Princesa (princess) stop, you'd likely dress as a princess. If you dressed as the Lavapies (wash feet) stop, you might dress as one who washes feet or as washed feet or one who has washed feet. You get the idea. So, I have decided to go as the Bambú (bamboo) stop and precisely to go as a bamboo fairy. There is no real explanation other than the idea came to mind, I got excited about the idea and the idea of making my costume and, really, when else can a grown woman dress up like a green fairy with wings and tights and sequins and fabric leaves all over, and real bamboo in her hair with a mask. There are really very few times. So, tomorrow is my excuse and I am excited about my costume even though all I have so far is some paint, some sequins, some possible skirts to sew onto or to copy, some random fabric scraps, a green shirt or two to choose from, bamboo, wings made from hangers and pantyhose (ready to be painted), some random ideas, and a little bit of time. So happy costume wearing to the rest of you if you happen to have the occasion.

Okay, now for the actual updates... things I blogged about at some point in time recent or earlier this month, but never got around to telling you how they went...

My second driving class was much better than the first. I think I amused my roommates and some friends as I told them about it. First of all, I think my instructor and I are understanding each other better. He wasn't quite as critical of me and when he was I found some new strategies to cope. One, encouraging myself out loud (which is what amused my friends, who said they weren't really surprised). For instance, when he told me, "What are you doing with your foot on the clutch, you should only have the brake on!" One of the times I responded, by saying, "Yeah, I know, but did you notice how most of the times today I've done it the way you want. In fact I think more times than not, something like three fourths of the time." Then another time I said, "Yeah, but imagine if you had to go to another country and "relearn" how to drive, changing minute details that you have spent the last 16+ years doing." He then said that he had been to the US and had rented a car. And I asked if it was an automatic. It was and then he chimed in that he had actually rented two and had driven in both Miami and Orlando, FL. The other tricks were that (1) I actually have begun to change how I drive, (2) my dad confirmed that the way I drive is the "right" way, and (3) after having talked to my dad, I asked a Spanish friend of mine who was kind enough to answer my e-mail with a thorough response of the fact that he drives the same way I do, that driving schools don't teach you how to drive just how to pass the test, and WHY the driving examiners make you drive this way (for example, they don't want you to turn your head because they assume you don't know how to set your mirrors properly). Actually my friend's explanations helped tremendously and the reassurance that I am not psycho nor that strange by how I drive, that it is actually what normal people do AFTER they have passed through the driving school and exam and actually learn how to drive. So, I am one step closer to a Spanish driver's license and car.

a few good reads

These are the main books I've been reading recently, next to the Bible. Most of them are in preparation for a discussion group we are starting in a couple weeks, (see note at the bottom) called What do you see? (in Spanish of course, which by the way is much more catchy) after the various weeks of promotion and such with photos on campus and getting students thoughts about them.

Simply Christianity & The Reason for God, along with Evil and the Justice of God and Christ & Culture Revisited have helped us as we've come up with the content and discussion questions for five weeks talking about justice, beauty, love/relationship, freedom, and spirituality and ultimately how each of these things and our value for them lead us to God and to our need for Jesus. By the way, they are also some great books. Ones that I have and am enjoying immensely.

The other two books above are two books I've been reading on prayer. The Valley of Vision is a compilation of Puritan prayers from back in the day which are RICH in depth and thoughts to meditate upon, thoughts that cause you to contemplate the greatness of God, of Christ, and our desperate need for him. I've been enjoying reading a prayer now and then to refocus my mind. Chappell's Praying Backwards is actually one of my roommate's books which I also am loving and enjoying and learning a lot from. It's main point is that we should think about our prayers thinking about glorifying God foremost and thus taking the idea of "in Jesus's name" all the way through our prayers not just stamped on the end. It sounds simply, but it is actually one of the best books I've ever read on prayer (at least thus far - I'm only about halfway through so far).

So... enjoy!

Note: Here are some thoughts from Dave... I would just send you too his website, but it is a closed audience, so here you go. (Dave is one of the people co-laboring with me on campus.)

Thursday, October 9, 2008

what is your problem...

...with Christianity? I have been reading a good bit in preparation for a What do you see? discussion group we’re hoping to start after the What do you see? “outreach” we’re going to do on campus in November. As I was reading Tim Keller’s book, The Reason for God, I came across a question that he said he asks people a lot: “What is your biggest problem with Christianity?” I think it is a fascinating question to ask non-Christians because there is a subtle, inherent humility (if asked properly!) to the question because it assumes (rightly!) that Christians are not perfect and that the Christian church has problems in this fallen world. I find myself thinking often these days about the nature and methodology of evangelism in today’s world and I am certain that one trait we as Christians must have when we talk to others about all things Christian is humility. I have many questions about how we should do evangelism in light of today’s (in the west) largely postmodern, secular, Judeo-Christian-naïve culture but I do not have questions about how we as Christians need to live out the gospel among the people with whom we interact. This includes humility, respect, patience, faith, LOVE, grace -- not to mention having a proper attitude and thoughtful, respectful stance with respect to our own faith. We need to be studious, thoughtful, passionate, wise, learned Christians who do have doubts but recognize in those doubts the ability to have a stronger, deeper faith after faithfully working and thinking through them. Read widely. Read literature -- I’m about to embark on Tolstoy’s War and Peace. (By the way, check out Harry Mulisch’s The Discovery of Heaven. I really enjoyed it and it is a classic in Dutch literature.) Watch and think critically (in the positive sense) about movies. Engage with people in things you’re passionate about or enjoy. I recently got invited to a celebration of sorts by the owner of a local pub (it’s called La Casa de la Cerveza “The House of Beer” -- they have a couple hundred beers to choose from) because they are going to start having 17 beers on tap which would make them one of a few bars in the whole country to have that many. It sounds strange but God uses things we enjoy to provide opportunities to proclaim the gospel or at least provide relationships through which we can demonstrate and proclaim the love of Christ. I can’t tell you how many people and relationships I have formed here because of surfing. It’s crazy. All of this rambling to say, ask your friends what problems they have with Christianity and listen to them respectfully. And pray for God’s wisdom as to how and when (or if) you should respond. Blessings. Dave