"God is not passive, for love is never passive, but always passionate; and passion always leads to action" - Erwin McManus

for who you are

All this thinking about social justice and the world and change and the like, both in respect to me and the world, brings me back to Jesus. So, here are a couple videos I just watched that remind me of who God is and also echo the cry of my heart to follow my Creator, Lord, and Savior.

looking back, reflecting,...

I am not one who tends to read through old journals much. But that's exactly what I've been doing, reading through the journal I wrote in the past six months or so and I just skimmed through my blog over the past year. It's been good to REMEMBER and to be reminded of who God's been to me, who He is, and who He will continue to be. It's been good to be REMINDED of His promises, steadfastness and faithfulness, of Him being the giver of good gifts, the one who satisfies our desires, thoughts, needs,.... It's been good to both gain PERSPECTIVE and to help me to TRUST and walk by faith.

Somehow I don't think it's coincidence that my calender has on it for October in beautiful calligraphic letters, the flowery kind, that say (from Joshua 22:5):

LOVE

The Lord Your God
walk in all his ways
obey his commands
be faithful to him
and serve him

WITH ALL
YOUR HEART
AND ALL
YOUR SOUL

I should take a picture or something because somehow since they are in flowery calligraphy it feels softer. What jumps out is "LOVE the Lord... with all that you are" and then as a side note, all the part about obedience, which is (don't get me wrong) HOW we love him, in part, BUT it's as a response to HIM and to who HE is. It wells up from inside us and overflows. That doesn't change that it is sometimes a choice, okay often a choice. BUT it's done because we LOVE Him not out of duty or guilt or to somehow "earn" his favor - something we could never even begin to do. He has chosen us. He loves us. He SHOWERS us with LOVE and BLESSING and GRACE. He is AMAZING, oh so amazing. And OH SO sweet, tender, near. Ah! Praise the Lord! I'm so glad that HE'S the One who makes this work. I'm so glad that despite my melancholy state and my crazy emotions, HE REMAINS the SAME. HE is UNCHANGING and TRUSTWORTHY. He is oh so faithful to hold me near and to remind me what is true. For that I am eternally grateful and for that reason I can take JOY in today and actually am HAPPY (even if it is a mix of happiness, joy, sadness, mourning, broken-heartedness, gratefulness, thankfulness, feeling loved for, cared for, longing, and probably 10,000 more emotions).

...learning to walk by faith & to TRUST beyond what my mind understands and beyond what my eyes see...

"I'm learning to walk by faith & to TRUST beyond what my mind understands and my eyes see." That's what I wrote to a friend earlier today and what I was talking through with the Lord this morning. It was a lot more specific than what I just wrote, about specific circumstances in my life now and in the future, but that was the jist of it. I asked the Lord what he wanted me to do and felt like he said, "I want you to TRUST me and to walk by FAITH not by sight." I then thought, "But couldn't this still be a little easier!" Hmm... from there I asked the Lord for strength, peace, quiet trust, and to be still before him, seeing HIS power and strength. I guess if Jesus learned "by suffering," something which I still don't comprehend, but know that's what the Bible says, then I guess it makes sense that I would as well. I can't say that I'd choose this path, but if this is what the Lord, the One I love and trust and know is GOOD and has my best at mind, then I guess this is the way I'll walk.

"Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever you had formed the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God." Psalm 90:2

"The key to the joyful Christian life is having a clear understanding of who God really is.

It's not about me. I cannot fix myself...Only God can. Even my ability to have faith and believe God for great things is nothing more than a mere symptom of my view of God... What we believe to be true about God's character affects every aspect of our lives. God, and God alone is the issue." Forward to Discover God Bible Study Nº1

"He does not derive His power from any other source; all power has always been His and will continue to be His for eternity. Any power that we have comes ultimately from God." Bill Bright, Discover God

"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of GOd was hovering over the waters. And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light." Genesis 1.1-3

Be still, my soul

I went running this evening with a friend and as we talked about how we've been it occurred to me that I have been fluctuating between feeling relaxed and taking things as they come and feeling overwhelmed. Granted I've been a bit tired this week, which it occurred to me might have something with the fact that I haven't been taking my vitamins recently, but when I've been overwhelmed and anxious, I've also had a hard time being still before the Lord. There are some reasons that I won't go into here, some things weighing on me, but I decided that it would make sense to come back and spend some time with Jesus being still. :-)

Here is some of what I looked at...

"Be still, my soul, the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul, thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still my soul, thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past
Thy hope thy confidence, let nothing shake
All now mysterious shall be bright at last

Be still my soul, the waves and winds do know
His voice who rules them while he dwelt below
In the quiet of your presence,
Where my soul can find its rest
His Spirit is refreshing and my heart is truly blest
I can place my burdens at your feet,
Knowing that is where they stay
And trust you to take them all away.

Be still my soul, the hour is hasting on
When we shall be forever with the Lord
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone
Sorrows forgot, love's purest love restored

Be still my soul, where change and tears are past
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last."

I read back through "The Daily Office" as it has some great prayers and scripture to meditate upon:



Prayer

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen

Opening sentences

One thing I have asked of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life; to behold the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple.

Call & Response

Who is it that you seek? We seek the Lord our God.
Do you seek Him with all your heart? Amen. Lord, have mercy.
Do you seek Him with all your soul? Amen. Lord, have mercy.
Do you seek Him with all your mind? Amen. Lord, have mercy.
Do you seek Him with all your strength? Amen. Christ, have mercy.

Declaration of faith

To whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed and have come to know that You are the Holy One of God.

Praise to You, Lord Jesus Christ, King of endless glory.

Scripture readings, Meditation, Prayers for others

Canticle

Christ, as a light illumine and guide me.
Christ, as a shield overshadow me.
Christ under me; Christ over me;
Christ beside me on my left and my right.
This day be within and without me,
lowly and meek, yet all-powerful.
Be in the heart of each to whom I speak;
in the mouth of each who speaks unto me.
This day be within and without me,
lowly and meek, yet all-powerful.
Christ as a light; Christ as a shield;
Christ beside me on my left and my right.

Blessing

May the peace of the Lord Christ go with you,
wherever He may send you.
May He guide you through the wilderness,
protect you through the storm.
May He bring you home rejoicing at the wonders He has shown you.
May He bring you home rejoicing once again into our doors.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen
---

Prayer

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen


Opening Sentences

Let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us.
Establish Thou the work of our hands;
establish Thou the work of our hands.

The Lord's Prayer

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name;
Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done; on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil.
For Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever and ever. Amen

Declaration of faith

We believe and trust in God the Father Almighty.
We believe and trust in Jesus Christ His Son.
We believe and trust in the Holy Spirit.
We believe and trust in the Three in One.

Canticle

Teach us, dear Lord, to number our days; that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom. Oh, satisfy us early with Thy mercy,that we may rejoice and be glad all of our days. And let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us; and establish Thou the work of our hands. And let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us; and establish Thou the work of our hands, dear Lord.

Blessing

Let nothing disturb thee, nothing affright thee;
all things are passing, God never changeth!

Patient endurance attaineth to all things;
who God possesseth in nothing is wanting;
alone God sufficeth.

In the name of the Father,and of the Son,and of the Holy Spirit. Amen
---

Prayer

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen


Opening sentences

My soul waits for the Lord more than those who watch for the morning, more than those who watch for the morning.

Call & Response

Out of the depths I have cried to You. O Lord, hear my voice.
With my whole heart I want to praise You. O Lord, hear my voice.
If you, Lord, should mark iniquities: Who could stand? who could stand?

I will wait for the Lord. My soul waits, and in His word do I hope.

Expressions of faith

Lord, You have always given bread for the coming day;
and though I am poor, today I believe.

Lord, You have always given strength for the coming day;
and though I am weak, today I believe.

Lord, You have always given peace for the coming day;
and though of anxious heart, today I believe.

Lord, You have always kept me safe in trials;
and now, tried as I am, today I believe.

Lord, You have always marked the road for the coming day;
and though it may be hidden, today I believe.

Lord, You have always lightened this darkness of mine;
and though the night is here, today I believe.

Lord, You have always spoken when time was ripe;
and though you be silent now, today I believe.

Scripture readings, Meditation, Prayers for others

Canticle

In the shadow of Your wings I will sing Your praises, O Lord.

The Lord is my light, my salvation; whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the refuge of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

In the shadow of Your wings I will sing Your praises, O Lord.

One thing I ask of the Lord, one thing I seek;
to dwell in the presence of my God, to gaze on Your holy place.

In the shadow of Your wings I will sing Your praises, O Lord.

I believe I shall see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. O wait for the Lord! Have courage and wait, wait for the Lord.

In the shadow of Your wings I will sing Your praises, O Lord.

Blessing

See that ye be at peace among yourselves, my children, and love one another. Follow the example of good men of old and God will comfort you and help you, both in this world and in the world which is to come.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen

---

I enjoy praying through this at times, as it stills my heart, reminds me of God's character and that He in fact is trustworthy and worthy of praise and full obedience and that He is the one I desire, the one I desire to trust above all else, even though I may waiver.

That's the same reason why I enjoy reading from "The Valley of Vision," a collection of prayers from the puritans, full of depth, wisdom, and a close walk with the Lord. As I listened to some old hymns and read, I was reminded of Hebrews 12:1-3, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted."

I am reminded of my brothers and sisters in the faith here in Madrid, back home, around the world, in centuries past and in centuries to come and the great faith that the Lord gave them. I am also reminded of our Savior, the Lord Jesus, and his immense and profound and deep, deep love that "endured the cross" and then rose again. He conquered death and gives us life. Praise the Lord!

Psalm 37| Fret not yourself... Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday.

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself... Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil... those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land... the meek shall inherit the land and delight themselves in abundant peace... the Lord upholds the righteous.

The Lord knows the days of the blameless, and their heritage will remain forever; they are not put to shame in evil times; in the days of famine they have abundance...

The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way; though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the Lord upholds his hand...

Turn away from evil and do good; so shall you dwell forever. For the Lord loves justice; he will not forsake his saints. They are preserved forever... The righteous shall inherit the land and dwell upon it forever. The mouth of the righteous utters wisdom, and his tongue speaks justice. The law of his God is in his heart; his steps do not slip...

Wait for the Lord and keep his way, and he will exalt you to inherit the land; you will look on when the wicked are cut off... The salvation of the righteous is from the Lord; he is their stronghold in the time of trouble. The Lord helps them and delivers them; he delivers them from the wicked and saves them, because they take refuge in him."

Psalm 46 | "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy habitation of the Most High. God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns. The nations rage, the kingdoms totter; he utters his voice, the earth melts. The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah

Come, behold the works of the Lord, how he has brought desolations on the earth. He makes wars cease to the end of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the chariots with fire. “Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah"

Psalm 23 | "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever."

Psalm 34.8 | "Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!"

Psalm 42 | "As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God? My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all the day long, “Where is your God?” These things I remember, as I pour out my soul: how I would go with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God with glad shouts and songs of praise, a multitude keeping festival.

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.

My soul is cast down within me; therefore I remember you from the land of Jordan and of Hermon, from Mount Mizar. Deep calls to deep at the roar of your waterfalls; all your breakers and your waves have gone over me. By day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life. I say to God, my rock: “Why have you forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?” As with a deadly wound in my bones, my adversaries taunt me, while they say to me all the day long, “Where is your God?”

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God."


Psalm 43 | "Vindicate me, O God, and defend my cause against an ungodly people, from the deceitful and unjust man deliver me! For you are the God in whom I take refuge; why have you rejected me? Why do I go about mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?

Send out your light and your truth; let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling! Then I will go to the altar of God, to God my exceeding joy, and I will praise you with the lyre, O God, my God.

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God."

Psalm 56.3-4, 8-11 | "When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?...

You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book? Then my enemies will turn back in the day when I call. This I know, that God is for me. In God, whose word I praise, in the Lord, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me?"

:-)

tu gloria

"A veces te fallé, mas tú fuiste fiel,
Tu gracia me levantó, me basta tu amor,
Dios eterno, tu luz por siempre brillará
Y tu gloria, incomparable sin final.

Señor, tu voluntad permanecerá,
En ti me quiero perder en adoración,
Dios eterno, tu luz por siempre brillará
Y tu gloria, incomparable sin final.

De mi corazón te doy el control,
Te doy el control,
Consume todo mi interior, Dios.
Justicia y amor me abrazan, Señor,
Te amo desde mi interior.

Señor, tu voluntad permanecerá,
En ti me quiero perder en adoración,
Dios eterno, tu luz por siempre brillará
Y tu gloria, incomparable sin final.

De mi corazón te doy el control,
Te doy el control,
Consume todo mi interior, Dios.
Justicia y amor me abrazan, Señor,
Te amo desde mi interior.

Dios eterno, tu luz por siempre brillará,
Y tu gloria, incomparable sin final.
El clamor de mi ser es contigo estar
Desde mi interior, mi alma clamará.

De mi corazón te doy el control,
Te doy el control,
Consume todo mi interior, Dios.
Justicia y amor me abrazan, Señor,
Te amo desde mi interior.

//Dios eterno, tu luz por siempre brillará,
Y tu gloria, incomparable sin final.
El clamor de mi ser es contigo estar
Desde mi interior, mi alma clamará.//"

- "Desde mi interior" - En Espíritu y Verdad

"Our God Reigns"

"40 million babies lost to Gods great orphanage,
It’s a modern day genocide and a modern day disgrace
If this is a human right then why aren’t we free?
The only freedom we have is in a man nailed to a tree.

100 million faces, staring at the sky,
Wondering if this HIV will ever pass us by.
The devil stole the rain and hope trickles down the plug,
But still my Chinese take away could pay for someone’s drugs.

Our God reigns, Our God reigns,
Forever your kingdom reigns.

The west has found a gun and it’s loaded with ‘unsure’
Nip and tuck if you have the bucks in a race to find a cure.
Psalm one hundred and thirty nine is the conscience to our selfish crime,
God didn’t screw up when he made you,
He’s a father who loves to parade you.

Yes he reigns, yes you reign, yes you reign,
For there is only one true God,
But we’ve lost the reins on this world,
Forgive us all, forgive us please,
As we fight for this broken world on our knees."

Written by Delirious? ©2005 Curious? Music UK

God's perfect provision

I'm in the midst of translating and preparing for the discussion group tonight on "Identity." I just finished translating the introduction to the time - why we have this group, what we hope to provide and achieve through it, the type of ambiance we hope to create, and why we think it important to talk about deep issues in life. It's ironic because I've translated this same text before, but did again since what I have before me is in english and didn't feel like looking up the former translation (knowing also that I had since tweaked it a bit).

I finished this section and went to get some tea from the kitchen and thought, "Gosh, I'm really going to miss Dave and the MTW team that I've been working with the past year (when they, at least in theory, leave in a year)." I've also been thinking more frequently about the desire to be married and have someone alongside me in all of this. The thought then came to mind, "These two couples are God's provision for you right now. God is faithful and He will provide for you in the future the same way as he is in the present and has in the past. He knows the plans that He has for you, to bless you and to prosper what He has called you to."

Wow! It's so true and yet it's so easy for me to get caught up in "what if's" and in what I see before me. I forget what it means to walk by faith with my hopes, dreams, desires, and needs firmly secure in God's hands. :-) It's a bit ironic since what I now need to finish putting onto paper are questions about what identity is, how it is formed, why it matters who we are, how God and faith play into all of this, and why we so desire to be known, to be loved, to be accepted, and to know who we are and our place in this world...

I am in the presence of someone great and that thankfully I can't fully get my head around nor fully understand why he does what he does when and how he does. :-)

a brief excerpt

So, here is a brief excerpt from the book i recommended yesterday by nt wright:

"...the line between good and evil is never simply between 'us' and 'them.' The line between good and evil runs through each one of us. There is such a thing as wickedness... but nor must we suppose that the problem of evil can be either addressed or solved if we trivialize it in the other way, of labeling some people 'good' and other people 'bad'...

If we are not to reach in an immature way, either by ignoring evil, or by declaring it's all the other person's fault, or by taking the blame on ourselves, we need a deeper and more nuanced way of answering the question many (not least the politicians) are asking: Why is this happening? What, if anything, has God done about it? And what can we or should we be doing about it?

The Christian belief... is that the God who made the world remains passionately and compassionately involved with it. Classical Judaism and classical Christianity never held an immature or shallow view of evil... In particular, there is a noble Christian tradition which takes evil so seriously that it warns against the temptation to 'solve' it in any obvious way... We cannot and must not soften the blow; we cannot and must not pretend that evil isn't that bad after all...

...for the Christian, the problem is how to understand and celebrate the goodness and God-givenness of creation and, at the same time, understand and face up to the reality and seriousness of evil. It is easy to 'solve' the problem by watering down one side or the other, saying either that the world isn't really God's good creation or that evil isn't really that bad after all...

The sea is powerful, but God the Creator is more powerful still. Evil may still be a four-letter word. But so, thank God, is love."

Tonight I was feeling tired, weary, overwhelmed and burdened. It occurred to me that I have been running around all day, busy with things to do, fixing things, and just getting a million things done despite being fairly exhausted from my week of meetings in Barcelona and of lacking sleep.

I opened my Bible to read a bit and it fall to Isaiah 40. This isn't the general way I tend to go about things, but it was good for tonight.

"Comfort, comfort my people, says your God.
Speak tenderly to Jerusalem, and proclaim to her
that her hard service has been completed, that her sin has been paid for, that she has received from the Lord's hand double for all her sins.

A voice of one calling:
'In the desert prepare the way for the Lord;
make straight in the wilderness a highway for our God.
Every valley shall be raised up, every mountain and hill made low;
the rough ground shall become level, the rugged places a plain.
And the glory of the Lord will be revealed, and all mankind together will see it. For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.'

... You who bring good tidings to Zion, go up on a high mountain.
You who bring good tidings to Jerusalem,
lift up your voice with a shout,
lift it up, do not be afraid;
say to the towns of Judah, 'Here is your God!'
See, the Sovereign Lord comes with power...
He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.

Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand,
or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens?
Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket,
or weighed the mountains on the scales and the hills in a balance?
Who has understood the mind of the Lord,
or instructed him as his counselor?
Whom did the Lord consult to enlighten him,
and who taught him the right way?
Who was it that taught him knowledge
or showed him the path of understanding?

...To whom, then, will you compare God?
What image will you compare him to?
As for an idol, a craftsman casts it,
and a goldsmith overlays it with gold
and fashions silver chains for it.
A man too poor to present such an offering
selects wood that will not rot.
He looks for a skilled craftsman
to set up an idol that will not topple.

Do you not know? Have you not heard?
Has it not been told you from the beginning?
Have you not understood since the earth was founded?
He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth,
and its people are like grasshoppers.
He stretches out the heavens like a canopy,
and spreads the out like a tent to live in...

'To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?'
says the Holy One.
Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength
not one of them is missing.

Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel,
'My way is hidden from the Lord;
my cause is disregarded by my God?'

Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint." (Isaiah 40)

I could write a bunch more, but that is exactly what I needed to meditate upon - God and His character and power. :-) Praise be the Lord God Almighty. And thanks to Him that He is oh so faithful to meet me just as I am and to lead me onward, reminding me that HE and He alone is my only hope and the one I need to cling to. I am not self-sufficient nor superwoman, nor do I even need to pretend to be such. He delights in me depending on and delighting in Him and in needing Him. :-) So sweet, he is.

Faith is...

I have been realizing this week in particular that I have been lacking in faith as of late. I have been loosing sight of the One who I have placed my faith in - that He is POWERFUL and MIGHTY, that He is able to do the IMPOSSIBLE, that He is able to MOVE mountains, to CREATE out of nothing, to DO exactly what I fear most. He is the AUTHOR, the PERFECTER, the BEGINNING and the END. He is GOD and MAN. HE is Lord of lords, King of kings.

Instead of fixing my eyes on HIS ability, I have been focused on my inability to sway the hand of man, my inability to know what will happen, to do things perfectly so that people will listen, have interest, come,... you name it. I have begun to replay all the things that have gone badly this past year, even if they are minute details and not the big things nor the million other details that went well. I have forgotten all that the Lord HAS done and how again and again he has reminded of his presence with me and his infinite, intimate, passionate love for me and for the world. These details are what remind me that it makes complete sense to believe the IMPOSSIBLE to BE POSSIBLE and for God to intercede on my behalf and on behalf of the thousands of students and people in this town, on campus, and in this country, this country that I have grown to love and for which my heart often aches immensely.

Forgive me, Lord, for my unbelief. Help me to see things through YOUR eyes, help me to see things through eyes of faith. Help me to be certain of things unseen and to be sure of that which I hope for, certain and sure NOT because I am able nor because I wish for something hard enough BUT because my faith is placed in a MIGHTY and GRACIOUS and LOVING God who came to earth, dwelt among us, lived, died, and rose again, all this so that we could be FREE and that God would be glorified. Praise you, Lord! Amen.

"I will praise you, O Lord, with my whole heart;
I will tell of your marvelous works.
I will be glad and rejoice in you;
I will sing praise to your name, O Most High."
Psalm 9:1-2

Contemplating Life

Recently there have been two blogs that have made me think a bit. One posted an article entitled "Married to the Job" and the other post was "The right to a normal romance.. if any..." which refers to a book by the late Mabel Williamson, "Have we no rights? - A frank discussion of the "rights" of missionaries".

This summer I heard a great several sermons on the parable of the prodigal son (which sometime i should type up my notes and also look back over them), spending significant time looking at the father, the son and the older brother. it was good in terms of asking what rights we feel like we deserve when we come to God. do we think that by our "goodness" we have earned anything or deserve anything in particular from him? it is something good for me to contemplate.

In this book (which is online, just follow the link above) in the last chapter talks of Jesus not claiming his rights (as talked about in Philippians 2 and elsewhere) and then talks about us and I'm guessing summarizes, in part, the book. As a disclaimer, I'm not really a fan of the way she uses the word "right" in terms of our "right to Jesus. I think it is not a right at all, for we did nothing and He did it all. So, with that, here is an excerpt:

"He had no rights. And I?

A right to the "comforts" of life? No, but a right to the
love of God for my pillow.

A right to physical safety? No, but a right to the security
of being in His will.

A right to love and sympathy from those around me? No, but a
right to the friendship of the One who understands me better
than I do myself.

A right to be a leader among men? No, but the right to be
led by the One to whom I have given my all, led as is a
little child, with its hand in the hand of its father.

A right to a home, and dear ones? No, not necessarily; but a
right to dwell in the heart of God.

A right to myself? No, but, oh, I have a right to Christ.

All that He takes I will give;
All that He gives will I take;
He, my only right!
He, the one right before which all other rights
fade into nothingness.
I have full right to Him;
Oh, may He have full right to me!"

My friend Christy wrote (in part) after reading at least part of this book - "Tim Keller talks about a woman coming to grips with the gospel in his church and suddenly being really disturbed because she realized that if the gospel is really all about grace.. and Jesus did so much for me.. and there is nothing I can do in return.. than actually .. I have no leverage or bargaining chip with him. My life is bought with a price and there is not anything He cannot ask of me. That is a scary idea. Do we say that? Do we believe that? Is the gospel so real that I know and believe and live.. that there is nothing to scary or hard or difficult that Jesus cannot ask of me.. because I am his. Even into the realm of relationships.. a normal one.. or if any..."

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The other article, published by Christianity Today, on their ChristianSingles.com site is really good. Also something that has gotten me thinking. Yes, I can work a ton. In part because I really believe in and enjoy my job. Secondly, because it has no clear finish. It is by no means a 9-to-5 job, in fact it is not uncommon for me to get home somewhere between 21:00 (9pm) and 1:00 am. Much of my job happens when students have time, nights, weekends, lunch, dinner, etc., But this article got me thinking. Do I use my job as an escape? or as a way to keep myself from feeling lonely? If I'm honest with myself and with God, reality is that sometimes that is exactly what I am doing and becomes a bit of an idol, in the respect that it is what I run to to give me a sense of worth instead of to Jesus. Oh, Lord, I want YOU to fill this place. I want to NOT have any other idols before you. For you ARE enough, more than enough. I just at times forget.

Here's an excerpt:

"I know I'm not alone in this singleness workaholism struggle. Just the other day, a single friend told me he realized he'd been working too much of late and was trying to strike a new healthier balance between work and play. And when I went in search of stats about singles and workaholism, I stumbled on this quote from author Richard Gosse, "Workaholism is a frequent problem among single people. Work enables you to escape the fear, loneliness, and boredom that often plague singles." Ouch!

When I look at my work patterns of late, I realize this is exactly what I've been doing—escaping some evening loneliness and boredom by staying at work later and later. Sure, the pattern started when our staff experienced a recent crunch time. But, I have to admit, it's partly continued out of laziness and escapism. And sure, there are much worse things to fill our downtime with than too much work. But I wonder if sometimes God wants to meet us in those silent moments we're often quick to fill with work, or any other number of distractions. Or maybe that awkward evening time is just the motivation we need to seek out a new ministry pursuit, friendship, or extended prayer time.

The funny thing is, I fell into this overwork pattern so subtly and since no one sees and holds me accountable for my daily comings and goings, I didn't even realize what I was doing. That is, until it recently dawned on me that I'm now on a first-name basis with our company's nighttime janitor."

"The name of the Lord is a strong tower;
the righteous man runs into it and is safe."
Proverbs 18:10

"Lord, you have been our dwelling place in ages past.
Before the mountains were brought forth,
or ever you had formed the earth and the world,
from everlasting to everlasting you are God."
Psalm 90:1-2

"My people will abide in a peaceful habitation,
in secure dwellings, and in quiet resting places." Isaiah 32:18

prayer?

While I am up a bit late, here are some pictures from a friend of mine while he was in the middle east. They are unusual things people do to be heard by God. The first one is of a pole they must walk around several times in the hope of getting their prayer answered.

The second one is of some men who pray and then role down this certain hill to get their prayers heard. I don't know more than that about why this particular hill, nor the order nor form.

The third one is of burial grounds. The huts without ladders are where the women are buried since they have no hopes of making it to heaven, merely because they were born female and thus inferior and unsaveable. The men's huts have ladders so their spirit can climb to heaven from their burial ground.

While these things seem odd to me, I do see the reality that we as people long for something more, we desire for something not of this world and we know there must be something/someone beyond. I am no greater than these men, but I am so very grateful that my being a woman doesn't keep me from God, nor does my lacking in anyway. I don't need to earn His love nor to jump through any kinds of hoops to get into heaven. I merely trust in what He has already done. I allow Him to save me. I trust in His sacrifice alone. What a freedom!

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart" - Ecclesiastes 3:11

"The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man, nor is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything... that they should seek God, in the hope that they might feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us,...” - Acts 17:24-31

Note: While not having to do with these pictures, I recently finished A Thousand Splendid Suns, by the same man who wrote the Kite Runner. Both talk about kids growing up in Afghanistan, although A Thousand Splendid Suns is a bit more sobering as it talks about the lives of two women and it goes through the time where women were free to walk around with their heads uncovered to the Taliban rule to present day, so you get a bit of cultural history. I would definitely recommend them both!

what i'm learning

as i shared before, i have been studying the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5). i am now to "blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness/justice, for they shall be satisfied." and in the midst of looking up the word for just & justice in the greek, i started to think about several of my worries / preoccupations these days and started to dialog with the Lord over these things.

specifically i now have decided to live with one (maybe two roommates) this year and thus will be paying more in rent. additionally, while i was back in the states i focused mainly on the seeing the few people i could and really enjoying time with them, as well as, giving 100% to the women i was coaching in florida (at a cross-cultural training). so very little time was spent in mpd, or fundraising. i need to spend some time looking at my finances and ministry funds, but have yet reached the time in my summer when i have time. and on top of that i have to finish a seminary class and study for my driver's license (which is a much more time-intensive venture than one might think). all that to say, i fear not having money to make ends meet, primarily because i am choosing to not live on the absolute minimum and in fact to increase how much i spend on rent. it is a decision i have prayerfully made and it is a decision long overdue. yet i fear that since i haven't had more time to correspond with ministry partners and to see everyone, while at home, that something bad might happen and i might not be able to make ends meet. this has never happened before, but with a bit less margin, it is easy to become fearful.

and yet the Lord has recently been teaching me to TRUST HIM to PROVIDE, particularly in the financial realm. i want to continue to live modestly and simply, but at 32 years old, i also think it's okay to spend a bit more than i did when i was in college and to spend what it takes to not run a bed & breakfast or dormitory. again and again as i start to fear the future or become anxious with all that i need to get done, i hear the Lord's tender, sweet and quiet voice which says, "Be still and know that I am God. Dawn, I will take care of you. Don't fear, I love you. I am your God. I will provide for you as a husband does. Do not fear, do not be anxious, trust in ME, trust in me to be God and to tenderly care for you, as a mother does her child." Oh, thank you Lord Jesus! You ARE Good and Gracious and Kind. You ARE the Great Shepherd and, while I so easily forget, I know that YOU and YOU ALONE are God. You own the cattle on a thousand hills. Your grace and your provision are SUFFICIENT for me and they are ABUNDANT. Oh, praise you Lord!

After writing this and looking for a picture, Psalm 23 came to mind (which hasn't been far from my mind since Andreu said "The Lord is my Shepherd" on the Camino and the two of us said it both in english and in spanish. God is so good to use others to remind us of His goodness.

Psalm 23 - A Psalm of David.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

worship

Worship, what it means and what it does to us in the process and what it does in the world are some things I have recently been contemplating. To add to these thoughts is a book I just began, "Manifest Presence," by Jack Hayford. I can't yet give you my opinion of this book as I just began it.

In this vein, i just looked up "worship" in the online Vine's Expository Dictionary, only to find 5 different verbs and 3 nouns in the greek. Here are some of my findings:

WORSHIP

1 proskuneo (Verb) - "to make obeisance [a movement of the body expressing deep respect or deferential courtesy, as before a superior; a bow, curtsy, or other similar gesture. deference or homage], do reverence to" (from pros, "towards," and kuneo, "to kiss"), is the most frequent word rendered "to worship."

2 sebomai (Verb) - "to revere," stressing the feeling of awe or devotion
3 sebazomai (Verb) - Akin to No. 2, "to honor religiously," is used in Ro. 1:25.

4 latreuo (Verb) - "to serve, to render religious service or homage," is translated both "to worship" and "to serve" depending on the translation.
5 eusebeo (Verb) - "to act piously towards"

Notes: (1) The worship of God is nowhere defined in Scripture. A consideration of the above verbs shows that it is not confined to praise; broadly it may be regarded as the direct acknowledgement to God, of His nature, attributes, ways and claims, whether by the outgoing of the heart in praise and thanksgiving or by deed done in such acknowledgment. (2) In Ac. 17:25 therapeuo, "to serve, do service to" (so RV), is rendered "is worshiped." See CURE, HEAL.

6 sebasma (Noun) - Denotes "an object of worship that is worshiped;" every object of "worship,"

7 ethelothreskeia[-ia] (Noun) - "will-worship" (ethelo, "to will," threskeia, "worship"), voluntarily adopted "worship," whether unbidden or forbidden, not that which is imposed by others, but which one affects.

8 threskeia (Noun) - For which see RELIGION, is translated "worshiping" in Col. 2:18. Note: In Lu. 14:10, AV, doxa, "glory" (RV), is translated "worship."


Worshiper

1 proskunetes - Akin to proskuneo (see WORSHIP, A, No. 1), occurs in Joh. 4:23.

2 neokoros - Is translated "worshiper" in Ac. 19:35 AV: see TEMPLE KEEPER.

3 theosebes - Denotes "reverencing God" (theos, "God," sebomai, see WORSHIP), and is rendered "a worshiper of God"

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wor·ship

–noun
1. reverent honor and homage paid to God or a sacred personage, or to any object regarded as sacred.
2. formal or ceremonious rendering of such honor and homage
3. adoring reverence or regard: excessive worship of business success.
4. the object of adoring reverence or regard.
5. (initial capital letter) British. a title of honor used in addressing or mentioning certain magistrates and others of high rank or station (usually prec. by Your, His, or Her).

–verb (used with object)
6. to render religious reverence and homage to.
7. to feel an adoring reverence or regard for (any person or thing).

–verb (used without object)
8. to render religious reverence and homage, as to a deity.
9. to attend services of divine worship.
10. to feel an adoring reverence or regard.

Here are some passages that came up in my search of "worship" --

"And it came to pass when the priests came out of the Most Holy Place (for all the priests who were present had sanctified themselves, without keeping to their divisions), and the Levites who were the singers, all those of Asaph and Heman and Jeduthun, with their sons and their brethren, stood at the east end of the altar, clothed in white linen, having cymbals, stringed instruments and harps, and with them one hundred and twenty priests sounding with trumpets-- indeed it came to pass, when the trumpeters and singers were as one, to make one sound to be heard in praising and thanking the LORD, and when they lifted up their voice with the trumpets and cymbals and instruments of music, and praised the LORD, saying:

"For He is good, for His mercy endures forever," that the house, the house of the LORD, was filled with a cloud, so that the priests could not continue ministering because of the cloud; for the glory of the LORD filled the house of God. (2 Chronicles 5:11-14)

"O God, You are my God; early will I seek You; my soul thirsts for You; my flesh longs for You in a dry and thirsty land where there is no water. So I have looked for You in the sanctuary, to see Your power and Your glory. Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise You. Thus I will bless You while I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name. My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness, and my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips." (Psalm 63:1-5)

"After these things God tested Abraham and said to him, “Abraham!” And he said, “Here am I.” He said, “Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you.” So Abraham rose early in the morning, saddled his donkey, and took two of his young men with him, and his son Isaac. And he cut the wood for the burnt offering and arose and went to the place of which God had told him. On the third day Abraham lifted up his eyes and saw the place from afar. Then Abraham said to his young men, “Stay here with the donkey; I and the boy will go over there and worship and come again to you.” And Abraham took the wood of the burnt offering and laid it on Isaac his son. And he took in his hand the fire and the knife. So they went both of them together. And Isaac said to his father Abraham, “My father!” And he said, “Here am I, my son.” He said, “Behold, the fire and the wood, but where is the lamb for a burnt offering?” Abraham said, “God will provide for himself the lamb for a burnt offering, my son.” So they went both of them together.

When they came to the place of which God had told him, Abraham built the altar there and laid the wood in order and bound Isaac his son and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. Then Abraham reached out his hand and took the knife to slaughter his son. But the angel of the Lord called to him from heaven and said, “Abraham, Abraham!” And he said, “Here am I.” He said, “Do not lay your hand on the boy or do anything to him, for now I know that you fear God, seeing you have not withheld your son, your only son, from me.” And Abraham lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, behind him was a ram, caught in a thicket by his horns. And Abraham went and took the ram and offered it up as a burnt offering instead of his son. So Abraham called the name of that place, “The Lord will provide”; as it is said to this day, “On the mount of the Lord it shall be provided.”

And the angel of the Lord called to Abraham a second time from heaven and said, “By myself I have sworn, declares the Lord, because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, I will surely bless you, and I will surely multiply your offspring as the stars of heaven and as the sand that is on the seashore. And your offspring shall possess the gate of his enemies, and in your offspring shall all the nations of the earth be blessed, because you have obeyed my voice.”" (Genesis 22:1-18)

Genesis 24:26,48 - where the servant goes on Isaac's behalf and God provides a wife, Rebekah, as He had promised

Exodus 12:27 - after God passed over and both delivered Israel from enslavement to Egypt, defending them, and led them to the promised land

"And the people believed; and when they heard that the Lord had visited the people of Israel and that he had seen their affliction, they bowed their heads and worshiped." (Exodus 4:31)

And there are MANY, many more but this is just a beginning... God is AMAZING and as we encounter His glory and His PRESENCE our only response is to worship (in actions, attitude, words,...). And it changes us in the process, making us more like Him, helping us to live our lives in submission to Him, helping us to love and care for others as He does. AMAZING!!!

true hope

I'm still studying and here are some more excerpts from my notes. Amazing!!!

At Christ’s Return – Complete Restoration of God’s Image

The amazing promise of the New Testament is that just as we have been like Adam (subject to death and sin), we shall also be like Christ (morally pure, never subject to death again): “Just as we have borne the image of the man of dust, we shall also bear the image of the man of heaven” (1 Cor 15:49). The full measure of our creation in the image of God is not seen in the life of Adam who sinned, nor is it seen in our lives now, for we are imperfect. But the New Testament emphasizes that God’s purpose for creating man in his image was completely realized in the person of Jesus Christ. He himself “in the image of God” (2 Cor 4:4 NASB); “He is the image of the invisible God” (Col 1:15).

In Christ we see human likeness to God as it was intended to be, and it should cause us to rejoice that God has predestined us “to be conformed to the image of his son” (Rom 8:29, 1 Cor 15:49): “When he appears we shall be like him” (1 John 3:2).

I so long to be complete and to really be like him.

(from page 445 of Wayne Grudem's Systematic Theology)

what is our purpose in life?

I am presently studying for a seminary class I am taking and graciously the Lord is meeting me in the midst of it to remind me of who he is and what he things of me. Here are some of the notes I just wrote down.

Why was man created?

God did not need to create man, yet he created us for his own glory and we do bring him joy (he delights in us). The trinity was complete, with perfect love and fellowship.

We were created for God’s own glory.

Isaiah 43:1-7 – “But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you. Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life. Fear not, for I am with you; I will bring your offspring from the east, and from the west I will gather you. I will say to the north, Give up, and to the south, Do not withhold; bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the end of the earth, everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.”

Ephesians 1:3-12 – “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth. In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.”

This fact (being created for God’s own glory) is a fact that guarantees that our lives are significant. When we first realize that God did not need to create and does not need us for anything… Scripture tells us that we were created to glorify God, indicating that we are important to God himself. This is the final definition of genuine importance or significance to our lives: If we are truly important to God for all eternity, then what greater measure of importance or significance could we want?

What is our purpose in life?

To Glorify God! To enjoy God and take delight in him and in our relationship to him.

John 10:10 - “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

Psalm 16:10 – “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

Psalm 27:4 – “One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple.”

Psalm 73:25-26 – “Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

Fullness of joy is found in knowing God and delighting in the excellence of his character.

As we glorify God and enjoy him, Scripture tells us that he rejoices in us.

Isaiah 62:5 – “For as a young man marries a young woman, so shall your sons marry you, and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you.”

Zephaniah 3:17-18 – “The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. I will gather those of you who mourn for the festival, so that you will no longer suffer reproach.”

I love these verses. It is so good to be reminded of what is true and of who I am because of who God is.

my little walk home...

hmm... i am half asleep, but just wanted to comment on my little walk home...

so, it is now close to 11:30pm, or 23:30, and i am just getting home. i left somewhere around 8am and have spent most of the day either at the airport waiting for people, on the phone while riding to and from the airport or somewhere related, or going through and revising the schedule for the next few days with people. the past three days there has been an exhibit on the jewish roots of cobeña (a small town outside of madrid) and tomorrow begins three days of concerts with sam rotman, a world-renowned expert on beethoven and incredible classical pianist who is also a messianic jew and the son of holocaust survivors. it should be a good time - one concert in cobeña, one a private garden party, and the final one in an amazing venue in the center of madrid (círculo de bellas artes). anyway, i'm getting away a bit from my point...

so, in the midst of this crazy day i was reminded of God's very near presence and the tenderness with which he cares for me. first of all, i just have to say that some of the people i work with are truly amazing. it's nice to be cared for even in the midst of a crazy day. that thanks to mac, a friend who runs the music ministry and who is getting married to a friend in november.

then as i went to debrief a journalist here from germany (who will be covering the whole weekend also writing about the various ágape ministries in madrid) my cell phone died and by God's grace i found my way to the home at which he is staying and stumbled upon a health food store with my favorite (and by the way incredible) natural soy yogurt. i was famished, so bought it and ate it once i got to the house. then, richard, the guy who is hosting bill, the journalist, as we were leaving told me to take anything i wanted (food-wise). i said i was fine and he then said, "do you want a shot before you go?" i said no and then he asked if i wanted some port. well, it didn't take much for me to say yes to that. so he poured the three of us small glasses of port (it's kind of strong, but tasty stuff). and, richard and twinky (his wife)'s home is absolutely incredible. the sun came in the windows just the right way, they have enough plants to make if feel like you are outside (mixed with the windows), and twinky is an absolutely amazing painter. their house is filled with paintings she has done of her beautiful daughters and of various other things. absolutely breathtaking and peaceful. and definitely the breathe of fresh air i needed today.

so then i returned with bill to meet the others to walk around briefly before solving a few more problems (i was the official personal assistant to the whole crew today, and i suppose for the weekend) and heading to dinner (which was a hit).

we headed to dinner and karen, one of the gals in the team with sam, the pianist, continues to go on and on about how great i am and how on a scale of 1-10 that i've been an 30+. suffice it to say that since words mean a lot to me, my tiredness was the farthest thing from my mind.

we ate incredible spanish tapas (which isn't hard to to in the center of madrid), had some great wine, and had some great conversation. then we headed back to their hotel, where there were apples out (which i love, when the front desk has them out) and we ended up talking to the waiter in the café in the hotel for a bit about wine and such. oh, and did i add that karen insisted on paying for me, which is something else i love (particularly when it's good food and totally unexpected, but hugely appreciated).

then i began my relaxing, unwinding walk home. and i began to think about how well the Lord takes care of me. i walked past cibeles, down the castellana, past colon and the fountains, and then up sagasta a ways. it's about a 30-45 minute walk, more or less. and the weather was absolutely perfect.

as i walked back there were some scantily clad teenage girls drinking and smoking pot (having a botellón) there on a bench on the castillana, there were the fair number of couples going to town, and the normal revelry of a friday night. it made my heart go out to them and made me think a bit about things i try to fill myself up with instead of the Lord. they may seem like "better" things, but essentially it is me trying to be self-sufficient and to live without needing God. in that sense it is exactly the same.

and then i again thought, "but, Lord, why in the world do i try to fill myself with other things when you know exactly what i need and want. and you take such good care of me." good question.

i continued to walk and just take in all the beauty of my surroundings, as i thought and replayed the day. so, anyway... while i am a bit delirious from lack of sleep, and much of this may either be rambling and/or nonsensical, i thought i'd at least write a little bit about my day and about how good the Lord is to me. how he cares for me as a husband would - protecting, providing, wooing me, caring for my needs unconditionally, loving me, delighting in me, reminding me of what he thinks of me, etc., amazing!

here are a few passages that came to mind as i was thinking about all of this:


"...forget your people and your father's house. The King is enthralled with your beauty, honor Him for he is your God." Psalm 45:10-11

"He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young." Isaiah 40:11

"For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called." Isaiah 54:5

"He leads me beside still waters, He restores my soul. he leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake... Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever." Psalm 23:3,6

"the Lord is near to those who trust Him, to those who call on him in truth."