what more could one want?

"Supermarket? I had hardly thought of the word for months. What would I do if I ever walked down an aisle again, pushing a cart? The whole idea of all that variety seemed ridiculous. If one had a little rice and vegetable, and a few kinds of meat or fish, what more could one want?"(p. 97, The Spring Wind)

"To accept the otherness of other people was a thing I could do... but to become that otherness... to submerge totally what I thought I was in another's style of living... in another's life... this was almost like annihilation." (p. 78)

"Perhaps this was what relationship meant... trust. To be able to give help and take help..." (p.50)

more quotes from The Spring Wind

(p.89) "What we saw as an opportunity, Wing Sung saw as exploitation... exploitation of his friendship. What we wanted to give, he was afraid was going to get him. How could we be true to our Christian motivation of sharing the love of God as revealed in Jesus Christ, and yet show this boy that we respected him first of all as a person... as the person he was at that moment, and not the person he might become if he someday conformed to our thinking?...

'My brothers and the people in the village will never believe it, not until they see it.'"

(p. 99) "It was only a simple meal of rice and meat, with greens form Yau Tai's stall, but it will always stand out in our minds as a most significant occasion. We gathered around the table, held hands as a family and friends, and Gordon thanked God for the food in Chinese... Just as we were ready to raise our heads, Ah Chun began to speak. I looked at him, and realized his eyes were closed and his head was bowed. I closed my eyes and listened. He was speaking to God in a prayer that made my heart stand still. He prayed in Jesus' name, a prayer direct and simple. I was silent for a moment.

'Ah Chun!' Gordon said, extending his hand. 'I didn't know you were a Christian!'

'Ding Mok-si! I didn't either! I wasn't, but I am! This is the first time I've ever prayed aloud to God... the first time! You were all praying, and I felt my heart move and tell me to pray. I've prayed to God aloud for the fist time!'

I sat with head down, not daring to look up. To hear a man establishing a speaking relationship with God was an awesome thing... an awesome thing to happen over rice and tea and half-washed hands, clasped in a squirming circle of peeping children and tired adults at the end of a day..."

(p.104) "Language is a people-oriented art, and only those who have a genuine interest in people for people's sake seem to mater it..."

(p.105) "O God! make us free... free like the grass to bend with the wind, with no consciousness of our rightness or wrongness, but only of your greatness."

(pp.111-112) "'Few people are blackhearted,' Gordon said. 'There are times when we understand and times when we do not understand. Misunderstanding acts like blackheartedness.'... But dare we tell him now that the builders of the first bridges he had known were also the stokers of his early fires of mistrust?... That good and evil were not two men, but in every man... in us?

I glanced again at his puzzled face, and knew. Yes, we dared. We dared because we were not playing roles. We were not the wise seeking to teach the foolish, the good seeking to eradicate the bad. We were persons, capable of understanding and misunderstanding, of understanding a thousand things and failing to understand a thousand more, and as persons we could dare to share ourselves not only as we were but as we had been.

The fences were down, and the lines were gone between us. We were no longer foreigner and Chinese seeking to adapt and bow to each other, dealing in bargains and tinged with mistrust. We were a company of people walking along the road, surrounded by darkness but walking toward light... people with faces turned toward the wind... The Spring Wind, before which we must all bow as grass.

The night wind blew up from the sea, and we turned our faces toward home."

Let Freedom Ring

(written from Sinclair Ferguson's Children of the Living God for a class)

Reading Ferguson's chapter on "Family Freedom" I couldn't help but to think of what it would have been like for Mephiboseth, or for a slave, to be truly adopted into the family of another. What would it be like to be one day treated as a cripple and outcast, or one enslaved without basic human rights and freedom, and then in the course of a day for everything to be changed? Having a freedom, a dignity, a worth imparted to you by another, another who loves you dearly and works for your complete restoration with him and others. Mind blowing.

I came to the Ferguson’s book thinking both about the plural you in Scripture, or the body of Christ, and also the film, “The Help” which I recently saw. This film depicts the horrible reality of the segregation of African-Americans in the 1960s in the US, after they had “technically” gained freedom from the former ways of slavery. The film vividly shows that this was unfortunately not the case. They were told they were free, but then quickly told their place, their dignity trampled upon, and then treated as if they weren’t even fully human. Atrocities. Grievous sins committed. Things not only done by those far off from Christ but those who claimed to be in Christ and even against their brothers and sisters also in Christ. It is no small thing. It is not so far in the past, either.

Ferguson reminds us the rich freedom we have in Christ. He talks about this freedom as one that brings change, peace, and freedom from anxiety, from traditions of men, and from Satan’s chains and bond over us, to name a few. This is what the Scriptures proclaim clearly again and again. Ferguson also points out that this is not merely a change in status nor an ethereal freedom. We are not merely freed from going to hell when we die; we are now free to live in righteousness, righteousness not just as individuals but as the whole body of Christ, the church. We are not mere servants of God; we are his full-fledged children, all of us - sons and daughters of God. We all got here the same way; we’ve all been adopted in. The dividing wall between Jew and Gentile has been abolished.

And yet I’m disturbed as I read Ferguson by the discrepancy. We are not to use our freedom for selfish ambition; we are no longer to live by the insidious sin that we are slaves of the former master. We are not to turn a blind eye to our brother. We are not to merely take the easy road. We are to love and act as ambassadors for our Father in the world. Yet even in present day America, even in our own denomination, there is great rift, which remains in the body of Christ.

How then shall we live? If we are truly free in Christ, how should this affect the way we live with one another? How should this affect how we defend and fight for the rights of our brothers and sisters in Christ? How should we worship? Are we to just wait for “them,” whomever “they” are, to make the first move and to move out of their comfort zone to come to our camp? Ferguson likens the Christian life to the year of Jubilee, or the year of the Lord's favor. Isn’t it time that we work true unity and as Martin Luther King, Jr., stated, “let freedom ring”?

I am a worm

(another post from a class in response to Chapters 9-11 of Jerry Bridges' Transforming Grace)

Reading Bridges this week about "by the grace of God" in both his own life and in the life of Paul in chapter 11, I was reminded of two things - the abundant grace of God and the great cloud of witnesses surrounding me. I had a sort of "aha" moment. I don't have in and of myself all that I need, but that's good. God's grace is sufficient and super-abundant. It is by his grace that I am in the position that I am in here right now and at any given moment. It is by God's grace that I am. It is by God's grace that I have anything at all to offer. And, wherever God may place me, my true audience, my true judge, to borrow from Guinness, is an Audience of One. Bridges primarily focused on the fact that we are inadequate and yet God's grace is more than sufficient - when we are weak (which we are completely and wholly), God is strong (which he is more than completely and wholly). His examples, however, of himself and of Paul were what reminded me of "the great cloud of witnesses." I am not alone in my finiteness. And I am not alone in receiving this abundant grace of God.

Along these lines, I love the picture Bridges borrows from Isaiah 41 and Psalm 22 of a worm. In Isaiah 41, God refers to Israel as a worm, one completely squishable and defeatable by a mere step of their enemy. And yet this passage in Isaiah is where God again and again tells his people to "Fear not!" But he doesn't tell them how strong of worms they are, nor how they are the greatest among people. No. He does precisely the opposite. He reminds them of how small they are and yet how great He is. He is their Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel. He is the One who helps them. This is precisely the position they and I need to be in.

The teaching and the application seem to be one in the same. Behold your God. Gaze upon His beauty, His grace. Remember who you are and whose you are. "For I, the LORD your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.” (Isaiah 41:13 ESV)

"In the upshot there is only one answer for the preacher who wonders whether he is worthy to preach the sermon he has composed or for the writer who wonders whether he is worthy to writ the religious book he is working on. The answer is: Of course not...." Harry Blamires, quoted by Bridges on p.155

You've Gotta Be Raised From The Dead

(another post from a class in response to Chapters 5-8 of Jerry Bridges' Transforming Grace)
Today as I read the next segment of Transforming Grace, I came across 2 Corinthians 5:14-15 in chapter six and I was overwhelmed with a sense of joy. "For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again."

Reading and reflecting on grace the past two weeks has reminded me again and again of how far I fall short. Somehow my ingrained desire to perform and be responsible comes out even in my striving to live more by grace. I know, it’s crazy. And yet as I read this passage from 1 Corinthians, the Lord reminded me of what it means to be "compelled by love." It means to live as one dead to sin and alive to Christ. It means to live as the redeemed as the beloved child of God.

Dr. Douglass has again and again stated that our "first identity is first" and I at least intellectually accede to this fact. We are saved by grace, grace alone, and we are now saints securely seated with Christ. That is our first identity. In fact, over the course of this past weekend and past week, I’ve stated these truths again and again to some of the young believers to who I minister. I can explain them well to others and yet I struggle to live them out.

"You may still struggle with sin, but that is no longer who you are. You are a daughter of the King, you are God's beloved. Any sin that you commit or struggle with is accounted to Christ, not you. You in turn have his righteousness, a whiter than white that cannot ever be blemished even to the slightest degree. You are first a saint. That is who you are. Don't let Satan, yourself nor the world tell you anything else." This is the jist of several conversations I had this past week. And yet today, as I think about grace, I am reminded of my striving even striving to not strive. I, too, often forget that I am one of the last hour workers. I forget that I am like any of the myriad of examples Jesus and the Bible give us of those in desperate, dire need of salvation.

Fortunately, for me and us, God never leaves us there. Thank be to God that he doesn’t leave me there! As I am reminded yet again of the fact that I have been redeemed, I have died to sin and been raised to life, all I can think of is my Beautiful, Beloved Savior. He becomes my focus instead of all the things I do or don’t do. He is Holy, Righteous, Just, Glorious, Good, Loving, Beautiful, the Lover of my soul. He is my Lord, my Father, my King, and my Savior. That is indeed VERY good news.

And the irony of it all is that when my eyes are awed and fixed on Jesus, somehow I do both rest in his arms and produce good fruit. When I remember who I truly am in Christ, I live as such. When I focus on my doing, I become anxious, overwhelmed, self-focused, self-critical, and ultimately without any power to change. Praise the Lord that he rescues us, that his grace super-abounds all the more when our sin abounds. Praise the Lord that he has made us dead to sin and alive to Christ. His love compels us.

Tied Up In Knots Somewhere In The Woods

This is a post from a class I'm taking. Thought it was worth repeating.

“God provides for us, not just when we’ve done everything right, but also when we’ve screwed up. We can cry out to him when it’s our fault and ask for his mercy and grace.” (Tammie Matlack paraphrased)

This is what I don’t understand. I know that I don’t merit anything from the Lord on my own; it’s always God’s grace that he would choose to bless me. And yet I find it hard to believe that God’s grace still covers me when I really don’t deserve it, when it’s my fault that I’m in a certain predicament.

This past spring I sold most of what I owned in Madrid and made the arrangements necessary to move out of my apartment and move back to the US - sell my car, close my bank account, try to hand off pieces of the ministry I led in Madrid, and other details. I prayed about the details and all that needed to be done and, yet, was acutely aware of the things I didn't deserve. And that made me anxious. I didn't have everything under control. And it would be my fault if things didn't go well; my fault, I thought, that I hadn’t had the foresight to think through all the details. So I prayed, but didn't expect God to fix things. I expected him to provide in some way, knowing it would be okay, but expected it to be messy. God was in no way bound to bless me, particularly if it was my fault anyway.

As I say all this “out loud” on paper, I know it sounds ludicrous. But, if I'm honest, this is what my emotionally charged thought process was. One specific example has to do with my landlord letting me out of a lease that binded me to pay rent until October. I now needed to move out the end of May and, in my messed up mind, I blamed myself for not having figured this out the previous October. I reasoned that since I found out the previous September that I would most likely would have to leave Spain for six months, that I should have figured it all out then. Instead I was busy with life, deeply grieving the end of a relationship, still trying to figure out what I was going to do with the six months I needed to be gone, and assuming my roommate would live there with a subleaser. Instead of figuring it out, I had put it off until now. Now it was almost March and, knowing I had to give her two months notice, was fearful of what might happen.

Around this same time, friends of my roommate were in town. At a staff meeting we both attended, I asked for prayers about the details of my move and things with my landlord. The wife of these friends (Tammie Matlack) later said to me (paraphrasing), “Isn’t it hard to believe that God would bless us even when we don’t deserve it?”

Today as I read Jerry Bridges state, “Grace is not a matter of God’s making up the difference, but of God’s providing all the “cost” of salvation through His Son, Jesus Christ.” I thought back to this situation and realized that I still have trouble believing the depth of God's grace.

As I read the analogy of the Grand Canyon, which I ironically have shared millions of times with students, it occurred to me that not only do I need Christ to bridge the gap, but I need him to lift me out of the mess I’ve gotten myself into that makes it fully impossible for me to even get to the bridge. I’m tied up in knots somewhere off the woods and need Jesus to rescue me from me, need him to forge a way through the forest, need him to build the gigantic bridge, and I need him to carry me to and over the bridge. I have nothing, nothing whatsoever, to bring to the table. I am fully and completely bankrupt and fully and completely crippled.

In Romans 5:8 it is stated, “But God demonstrates His own love in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Christ died for me, gave me his righteousness and standing with God, WHEN I UTTERLY DIDN’T DESERVE IT! I know this to be true. And yet, as I write this, it still hasn’t made it all the way into my heart.

Oh, Lord, help these truths to go deep into my heart of hearts. Help me to cease striving and know that You alone are God. Help me to realize that I’m covered in filthy rags that I can’t even take off on my own. Have mercy on me, sweet Jesus.

“All who are thirsty, all who are weak, come to the fountain, dip your heart in the stream of life. Let the pain and the sorrow be washed away in the waves of His mercy, as deep cries out to deep. Come, Lord Jesus, come…” (“All Who Are Thirsty,” Brenton Brown)

true hope

I'm still studying and here are some more excerpts from my notes. Amazing!!!

At Christ’s Return – Complete Restoration of God’s Image

The amazing promise of the New Testament is that just as we have been like Adam (subject to death and sin), we shall also be like Christ (morally pure, never subject to death again): “Just as we have borne the image of the man of dust, we shall also bear the image of the man of heaven” (1 Cor 15:49). The full measure of our creation in the image of God is not seen in the life of Adam who sinned, nor is it seen in our lives now, for we are imperfect. But the New Testament emphasizes that God’s purpose for creating man in his image was completely realized in the person of Jesus Christ. He himself “in the image of God” (2 Cor 4:4 NASB); “He is the image of the invisible God” (Col 1:15).

In Christ we see human likeness to God as it was intended to be, and it should cause us to rejoice that God has predestined us “to be conformed to the image of his son” (Rom 8:29, 1 Cor 15:49): “When he appears we shall be like him” (1 John 3:2).

I so long to be complete and to really be like him.

(from page 445 of Wayne Grudem's Systematic Theology)

what is our purpose in life?

I am presently studying for a seminary class I am taking and graciously the Lord is meeting me in the midst of it to remind me of who he is and what he things of me. Here are some of the notes I just wrote down.

Why was man created?

God did not need to create man, yet he created us for his own glory and we do bring him joy (he delights in us). The trinity was complete, with perfect love and fellowship.

We were created for God’s own glory.

Isaiah 43:1-7 – “But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you. Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life. Fear not, for I am with you; I will bring your offspring from the east, and from the west I will gather you. I will say to the north, Give up, and to the south, Do not withhold; bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the end of the earth, everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.”

Ephesians 1:3-12 – “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth. In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.”

This fact (being created for God’s own glory) is a fact that guarantees that our lives are significant. When we first realize that God did not need to create and does not need us for anything… Scripture tells us that we were created to glorify God, indicating that we are important to God himself. This is the final definition of genuine importance or significance to our lives: If we are truly important to God for all eternity, then what greater measure of importance or significance could we want?

What is our purpose in life?

To Glorify God! To enjoy God and take delight in him and in our relationship to him.

John 10:10 - “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

Psalm 16:10 – “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

Psalm 27:4 – “One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple.”

Psalm 73:25-26 – “Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

Fullness of joy is found in knowing God and delighting in the excellence of his character.

As we glorify God and enjoy him, Scripture tells us that he rejoices in us.

Isaiah 62:5 – “For as a young man marries a young woman, so shall your sons marry you, and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you.”

Zephaniah 3:17-18 – “The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. I will gather those of you who mourn for the festival, so that you will no longer suffer reproach.”

I love these verses. It is so good to be reminded of what is true and of who I am because of who God is.