You've Gotta Be Raised From The Dead

(another post from a class in response to Chapters 5-8 of Jerry Bridges' Transforming Grace)
Today as I read the next segment of Transforming Grace, I came across 2 Corinthians 5:14-15 in chapter six and I was overwhelmed with a sense of joy. "For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again."

Reading and reflecting on grace the past two weeks has reminded me again and again of how far I fall short. Somehow my ingrained desire to perform and be responsible comes out even in my striving to live more by grace. I know, it’s crazy. And yet as I read this passage from 1 Corinthians, the Lord reminded me of what it means to be "compelled by love." It means to live as one dead to sin and alive to Christ. It means to live as the redeemed as the beloved child of God.

Dr. Douglass has again and again stated that our "first identity is first" and I at least intellectually accede to this fact. We are saved by grace, grace alone, and we are now saints securely seated with Christ. That is our first identity. In fact, over the course of this past weekend and past week, I’ve stated these truths again and again to some of the young believers to who I minister. I can explain them well to others and yet I struggle to live them out.

"You may still struggle with sin, but that is no longer who you are. You are a daughter of the King, you are God's beloved. Any sin that you commit or struggle with is accounted to Christ, not you. You in turn have his righteousness, a whiter than white that cannot ever be blemished even to the slightest degree. You are first a saint. That is who you are. Don't let Satan, yourself nor the world tell you anything else." This is the jist of several conversations I had this past week. And yet today, as I think about grace, I am reminded of my striving even striving to not strive. I, too, often forget that I am one of the last hour workers. I forget that I am like any of the myriad of examples Jesus and the Bible give us of those in desperate, dire need of salvation.

Fortunately, for me and us, God never leaves us there. Thank be to God that he doesn’t leave me there! As I am reminded yet again of the fact that I have been redeemed, I have died to sin and been raised to life, all I can think of is my Beautiful, Beloved Savior. He becomes my focus instead of all the things I do or don’t do. He is Holy, Righteous, Just, Glorious, Good, Loving, Beautiful, the Lover of my soul. He is my Lord, my Father, my King, and my Savior. That is indeed VERY good news.

And the irony of it all is that when my eyes are awed and fixed on Jesus, somehow I do both rest in his arms and produce good fruit. When I remember who I truly am in Christ, I live as such. When I focus on my doing, I become anxious, overwhelmed, self-focused, self-critical, and ultimately without any power to change. Praise the Lord that he rescues us, that his grace super-abounds all the more when our sin abounds. Praise the Lord that he has made us dead to sin and alive to Christ. His love compels us.

"we used to wait..."

Waiting... Hoping... Impatience... Surrender... Waiting... Hoping... Waiting... Hoping... Joy In Waiting... Peace in Waiting... Impatiently Waiting... Surrender... Hopefully & Expectantly Waiting.... Waiting

change, transition, sadness, yuck,...

So... I went running tonight after going to the gym and thought about several things, but one being that I am a bit down today. I'm primarily sad because everyone around me is sad, or so it seems, and that lately I've been seeing the cup as a little less full. One of my best friends here is moving next week, for good reasons (she's getting married soon), but I'm sad to see her go and also sad to see her in the midst of all the emotion of major life changes. I don't want her to go because I want to be there for her in the midst of these changes, not just there on the phone but PHYSICALLY there so she can come over or I can go over. And I want her to be there for me, to listen to me process, to listen to my griping, and to speak truth and wisdom to me, and to just be around. So, I'm sad. And because I'm sad I'm irritated with life and all the things that do normally do irritate me, but that I don't even hardly actually notice, they're more minor things.

The other thing I thought about is that I feel like I've been so negative and so half cup almost empty (or at least not just almost full). I like being a positive, generally happy, cheerful person who cheers others up. I like being that person. I don't like being one who tells you all the bad going on in life first. But right now with the people closest to me, the people by whom I feel listened to, really, and feel free to be a mess, I've been tending to tell all the negative of my day and all the negative of life first. I have a million and one great things happening and going on, so why do I spew the grossness out. I guess I want to be known. I guess I need people to "carry my burdens" right now, or just there to let me get things out and then somehow it's a whole lot better. Hmm... I guess it's just humanness. And I guess it's just where I am right now. Not to say that I'm really in a dark, dark cloud, just in a lightly grey one. I mean, I'm totally justifying myself unnecessarily, but I am there for those around me, I'm just not quite the cup almost full girl, I'm more the half full person. And I guess it doesn't help that I've been a little under the weather too.

Somehow it's Friday night and while part of me really wanted to go hang out with people, the other part of me wanted to just be alone, to watch Grey's Anatomy, listen to some good music, maybe journal or not think at all, to talk to some friends, but to be alone and to let myself be sad or confused or whatever it is that I'm feeling right now. So yeah, that's what I'm doing. It's so weird. Fortunate for me there were some incredible leftovers in the fridge from lunch - my roommate made some rice stuffed sea bass for a meeting we had here at lunchtime. Incredible doesn't fully do it justice. And some nice red wine goes alone quite nicely. And, yeah, somehow getting all this out helps. And somehow being alone in the midst of this to process, and yet not actually feeling alone at all, and having talked to some good friends but not about all this but that love me and somehow are also feeling a bit down, makes me feel a bit more happy. hmm... oh, and by the way, you've gotta love the Dark Was The Night: Red Hot Compilation. sooooo soooo soooo good.

in desperate need of God's grace and mercy

"Así pues, ahora no hay ya ninguna condenación para los que están unidos a Cristo Jesús, porque la ley del Espíritu que da vida en Cristo Jesús te ha liberado de la ley del pecado y de la muerte. Porque Dios ha hecho lo que no pudo hacer la ley de Moisés, que era incapaz de hacerlo a causa de la debilidad humana: Dios envió a su Hijo en la misma débil condición del hombre pecador y como sacrificio por el pecado...

...los que viven sometidos a los deseos de la débil condición humana no pueden agradar a Dios...

...Y si el Espíritu de aquel que resucitó a Jesús vive en vosotros, el mismo que resucitó a Cristo dará nueva vida a vuestros cuerpos mortales por medio del Espíritu de Dios que vive en vosotros...

...Todos los que son guiado por el Espíritu de Dios son hijos de Dios. Pues no habéis recibido un espíritu de esclavitud que os lleve ora vez a tener miedo, sino el Espíritu que os hace hijos de Dios. Por este Espíritu nos dirigimos a Dios, diciendo: '¡Abbá!, ¡Padre!'" (Romanos 8:1-3,8,11,14-15)

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus form the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit...

... Those who are in the flesh cannot please God... If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you...

...For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry out, 'Abba! Father!'"(Romans 8:1-5,8,11,14-15)

"Humillaos, pues, bajo la poderosa mano de Dios, para que él os enaltezca a su debido tiempo. Dejad todas vuestras preocupaciónes a Dios, porque él se preocupa de vosotros." (1 Pedro 5:6-7)

"Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God that he may exalt you at the proper time. Cast your cares on Him because He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:6-7)


"Yo soy quien te manda que tengas valor y firmeza. No tengas miedo ni te desanimes, porque yo, tu Señor y Dios, estaré contigo dondequiera que vayas." (Josué 1:9)

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9)

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so, it is ironic that last night I would write about God's grace. because today, or at least this evening, I have been struck by my great need for God's mercy and grace.

somehow i am a perfectionist. not in all things, not all the time, but somehow in the way i act toward others and in who i am as a person, somehow i have the misconception that i should be perfect. and when i am struck by the reality that i am not perfect, or haven't been what i wish i had been, then i feel horrible. a mess. a disaster. and somehow God's grace and his sacrifice doesn't seem like enough or like it pertains to me.

that was where i was stuck for awhile today, after talking with one of my roommates. i so want to be perfect, which if i think about it realistically is not really what i want because i want to be a real person, an alive person. yet i don't want to be imperfect. and i hate when i mess up, hurt someone or let someone down. ahhh!!!


so, as i began to want to find someone else to blame and as i wanted to pull away from my roommate emotionally, fortunately in God's grace it occurred to me that what was going on is that i felt bad and that i felt like crap and i wanted to make some kind of excuse to justify myself and to make it not my fault or my imperfection. but in this moment, in God's grace, the scripture above came to mind. it is for all of these reasons that I need Jesus. and it is for all of these reasons that Jesus' death and resurrection give me life and free me from living under the condemnation of myself or another. in Christ i am a new creation, i have a new heart, i have a new spirit that desires what is right, and i have a new identity. i am holy and i am perfect in God's sight. amazing! absolutely amazing!

so, yes, i am still very much in process and, yes, there is stuff that God is working in me that is yet to be finished. but fortunately because of who He is i can actually look at the crap in my life or in my heart and admit that those things are there. it doesn't change my worth. it doesn't change the way God sees me. He loves me and keeps loving me and he already knew all that stuff was there. He wants to bring life to those places of death.

so, yes, this is me verbally processing and working through this all. or at least beginning to let God's grace work in those dark places. :-)