...learning to walk by faith & to TRUST beyond what my mind understands and beyond what my eyes see...

"I'm learning to walk by faith & to TRUST beyond what my mind understands and my eyes see." That's what I wrote to a friend earlier today and what I was talking through with the Lord this morning. It was a lot more specific than what I just wrote, about specific circumstances in my life now and in the future, but that was the jist of it. I asked the Lord what he wanted me to do and felt like he said, "I want you to TRUST me and to walk by FAITH not by sight." I then thought, "But couldn't this still be a little easier!" Hmm... from there I asked the Lord for strength, peace, quiet trust, and to be still before him, seeing HIS power and strength. I guess if Jesus learned "by suffering," something which I still don't comprehend, but know that's what the Bible says, then I guess it makes sense that I would as well. I can't say that I'd choose this path, but if this is what the Lord, the One I love and trust and know is GOOD and has my best at mind, then I guess this is the way I'll walk.

what i'm learning

as i shared before, i have been studying the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5). i am now to "blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness/justice, for they shall be satisfied." and in the midst of looking up the word for just & justice in the greek, i started to think about several of my worries / preoccupations these days and started to dialog with the Lord over these things.

specifically i now have decided to live with one (maybe two roommates) this year and thus will be paying more in rent. additionally, while i was back in the states i focused mainly on the seeing the few people i could and really enjoying time with them, as well as, giving 100% to the women i was coaching in florida (at a cross-cultural training). so very little time was spent in mpd, or fundraising. i need to spend some time looking at my finances and ministry funds, but have yet reached the time in my summer when i have time. and on top of that i have to finish a seminary class and study for my driver's license (which is a much more time-intensive venture than one might think). all that to say, i fear not having money to make ends meet, primarily because i am choosing to not live on the absolute minimum and in fact to increase how much i spend on rent. it is a decision i have prayerfully made and it is a decision long overdue. yet i fear that since i haven't had more time to correspond with ministry partners and to see everyone, while at home, that something bad might happen and i might not be able to make ends meet. this has never happened before, but with a bit less margin, it is easy to become fearful.

and yet the Lord has recently been teaching me to TRUST HIM to PROVIDE, particularly in the financial realm. i want to continue to live modestly and simply, but at 32 years old, i also think it's okay to spend a bit more than i did when i was in college and to spend what it takes to not run a bed & breakfast or dormitory. again and again as i start to fear the future or become anxious with all that i need to get done, i hear the Lord's tender, sweet and quiet voice which says, "Be still and know that I am God. Dawn, I will take care of you. Don't fear, I love you. I am your God. I will provide for you as a husband does. Do not fear, do not be anxious, trust in ME, trust in me to be God and to tenderly care for you, as a mother does her child." Oh, thank you Lord Jesus! You ARE Good and Gracious and Kind. You ARE the Great Shepherd and, while I so easily forget, I know that YOU and YOU ALONE are God. You own the cattle on a thousand hills. Your grace and your provision are SUFFICIENT for me and they are ABUNDANT. Oh, praise you Lord!

After writing this and looking for a picture, Psalm 23 came to mind (which hasn't been far from my mind since Andreu said "The Lord is my Shepherd" on the Camino and the two of us said it both in english and in spanish. God is so good to use others to remind us of His goodness.

Psalm 23 - A Psalm of David.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.