a child?

so, yesterday amidst the many stops i hung out with one of my best friends, catha, and her little 5 mos old baby, sydney. sydney is adorable and has actually grown in her cuteness since i saw her last (when i first got home, end of may).

so as we were talking, catha mentioned that they are having a hard time choosing a guardian, or that person that would take care of their kid(s) should anything God forbid happen to her and john. and she said that of course it would be an easier decision if i lived in the US. i told her that of course if anything were ever to happen that i would be more than happy to take care of sydney and kin, although possibly in spain (or wherever i may be).

at the time it was an obvious reply, but as i went home and laid awake in bed, it occurred to me that it would be a HUGE life-changing decision, should, God-forbid, that ever happen. i began to think of all the decisions a parent moving kids overseas has to think about and all the decisions a parent in general would make. i mean, i'm sure i just touched the surface, but there is the issue of her grandparents all being in missouri-illinois, the wishes of her parents in terms of where she would grow up, where she would attend college (mainly if it would be in the us or abroad), her emotional trauma and all that she would go through if her parents died and then she moved overseas with her mom's best friend, but someone whom she only knew from occasional visits and cards. it made me then think briefly of if all this were to happen while i were single and how, if it happened tomorrow, how it would completely turn my world upside down too. how would i juggle it all? should i really be the one to raise their kid? so many questions. and the fact that this needs to be a real, prayerfully made decision, not just an "of course i'd take care of your kid because i'm your friend" answer. even though in a sense, i still think it is probably that easy. i mean i think it is that simple, even taking away the fact that my life would be turned upside down. sydney would be worth it. crazy... i mean really insane thinking that that could happen. but it could.

and now that i type all this out, i think it would actually be okay. very very complicated, but somehow the Lord would work it out. i mean my best friend in spain is a single mom and somehow she does it. definitely not ideal, nor what i'm hoping for, but just to say... and hopefully, sometime sooner than later i may actually find someone i'd want to spend the rest of my life with and get married and possibly have kids of my own. i know nothing is promised in that respect and i am fairly content with my life, but it is something i still desire (if, of course, i find someone i don't want to live without who, of course, feels the same way about me). it would be nice... and most likely will eventually happen.