a mix of emotions

so... i presently have a runny nose and a sore throat. i hate having a cold, feeling lethargic, but not so bad that i can't function, and having the horrible sensation of phlegm in all parts of my head. yuck.

somehow having a cold and a runny nose does always makes me think of the movie you've got mail (which by the way is one of my favorite movies) when meg ryan is sick and tom hanks brings her daisies. happy thoughts.

so, i am a little sick... and inevitably this is the worse time, in my mind, for me to be sick. a friend is visiting, i am trying to wrap up life in spain for the summer (at least the first half of the summer) and set up everything for my time in the US (which begins in about a week - crazy, ¿no?). definitely not the best time to have a runny nose, head congested, sore throat cold. the one good thing about it is that it has made me slow down a bit, actually try to take care of myself and sleep some, and say "no" to several things i would have just tried to cram in.

it has also helped me (along with my friend katie who is in town) to relax a bit. somehow the idea of returning to a country you supposedly know after two years of being away, with the intention of reconnecting with people on more than a superficial level in the course of just a couple of weeks, seems a bit daunting. and it doesn't help that the unknown effects of reverse culture shock loom overhead as well. i have no idea what to expect, good and bad. and on one hand that is actually exciting.

the things that excite me about going home are obviously seeing my family (and hopefully this will include some good time with my brother and sister), seeing some good friends (God-willing), a road trip to florida (likely passing through louisiana and mississippi, if it doesn't add too much time to the trip - i've never been to either state), seeing by brother on a long layover in philly (always fun), going to my cousin charlie's wedding in charlotte, nc, getting to share with people face-to-face what the Lord is doing here in Madrid (and in me) and whatever fun surprises may come.

things that are a bit overwhelming and pretty much out of my control at this point: really having quality time with the fam, my sister; actually getting more than a weekend with my sister and brother (in the midst of wedding stuff); actually seeing one of my best friends and some other good friends; really getting to connect with people; getting used to the pace of american life and american relationships (a half an hour or hour with someone versus two or three); and just the unknown. hmmm... it's good to write this all out, as it then doesn't quite seem as daunting. i mean, really, if the Lord has carried me this far and has provided for me the past almost thirty-two years, surely he will remain faithful in another country, which only came about because it seemed to be his will.

the other emotion has to do with my hanging out recently with a particular boy, who somehow inevitably makes me a bit uncontented with being single and who after spending time with him is on my mind entirely too much. the main problem with this is that we are at this point just friends and i so wish i knew what was going on, or what would go on.

so my mixed up emotions are presently, sick runny nose ness, anxious anticipation of going home mixed with way too many things on my mental to do list, and a bit of pining.