I need to blog some of my thoughts and reflections, but the past three days a friend and I have been enjoying the calming air and having NOTHING to do except relax and hanging out on Mallorca, one of the Spanish Balearic Islands. During this time I realized how much I need to make sure I have more time than I've had the past few months to just BE. Time to read, time to hang out, time to watch tv or to be around while others do, time to sleep or just wander,... time.

time is ticking away...

how am i? hmm... that's a good question to which the basic answer is good, great. and yet i am a bit overwhelmed by how quickly time is passing and all the things i both need and desire to get done and yet seem to fall by the wayside.

then there is the other question of the fact that my biological clock seems to be ticking all the more loudly recently. i love my life and i like where i am, what i'm doing, etc., and yet have this nagging desire to be married and to have kids. it isn't old by any means, but in less than a month i turn 33 and have no real prospects in the potential spouse category. there are interests with whom nothing seems to be happening, even though the interest seems two ways. we're friends, but i guess "he's just not that into me" because nothing more has happened and it has been awhile. yeah, he's busy and has a lot on his plate, but still... and then another guy recently asked what it would take for me to move back to the states in a year and said some other things that implied more. but i have no intention of moving back to the states any time soon, not out of stubbornness, but because i feel like God has called me here (if not for longer, at least for now). he could move here, no? and who knows anyway. but then is he going the same direction as me? no lo sé.

ahhhh!!!! why me? i KNOW that God has all things in his hands and that he has not forgotten me in anyway nor turned his eyes aside, but right now I'm a bit impatient. i want babies! maybe not this second, maybe not even for a couple years, and maybe i don't understand all that that would bring. i'm not excited about giving up my independence, but i think i'd be willing. i just need the right guy, one that fits with me and with whom i'd want to spend the rest of my life. not someone perfect, because i'm not perfect either but someone with whom i fit. it seems like a lot to ask. i don't just want to make it work or find someone good enough. i don't want to get married, just to get married, or just to have babies. no, that's not what i want. it's not my desire to remain single, but it would be much better than to be unhappily married. and i know i don't want to settle. and yet i am presently a bit discontent and longing. oh, Lord, rescue me from this mess! i do trust His will and plan more than my own, but i do long for a partner in all of this and more now than in a long time. so, while life is good and i am honestly doing well, this is the honest truth of something that has been on my mind on and off for the past few months.

time...

this year i honestly feel like i'm in a timewarp. it seems like my weeks are full and somehow days and weeks and, yes, months seem to FLY by. I'm not quite sure how, but it seems like we should still be in January or at the latest February and yet we are in MAY! Ahhh... how can it be?

There are things I've intended to do that have gotten set by the wayside.

Today as I came back from an activity we had with students I started to figure out why (not that it is that much of an epiphany, but anyways...). The meeting started at 6pm (in theory). We ended around 8:20pm, talked for a bit and then I headed to the metro to go home (probably a 7-10 min walk). On the way there a few people called, so I waited outside the metro talking to them (since there's only sporadic coverage inside). We talked for a bit and then I had a 20-25min commute home. It takes about 10-15min to walk back from the metro stop where that line drops me off. I needed to stop by the grocery store which is on the way to pick up just a couple things (15 more minutes), then walk home. So I got home a bit after 10, an hour and a half after the meeting. I made dinner, talked to a few more people on the phone and went to bed (since I had a race to run this morning), and it occurred to me: No wonder life seems to fly by. It just takes longer to get things done here. Transportation time adds a bit (and the fact that I now have a car only changes longer trips - if it's in the city it would talk longer in a car, at least to park) and meetings just take longer. So, nothing too profound. But it does make me feel a bit better about the whole thing. And probably the reality that most "holidays" these days are full with ministry things, being the best time to hang out with people, also adds to how quickly time seems to pass.

All that said, I am enjoying my quiet Sunday afternoon at home reading, journaling, waiting to call home (when it gets late enough), and just being. :-)