Re-Entry Thought #5

Fall here comes early. Or where did my summer go? Or why are people asking me how my summer was? Isn't it still summer?

Yesterday I sat in on a meeting with the staff I will be working with this fall. At one point we were asked to answer the question, "How was your summer? Highs and lows..." What? My summer? Don't I have a month left? It is only early August, right? Oh, yes, August marks the fall in the states... It's Europe that has August as their vacation month, NOT the US.

I got back to the US early July and haven't really stopped since I got back. I haven't slept in the same house for more than a bit more than a week yet. I haven't yet gotten all my luggage and I definitely have neither had a vacation nor gotten settled yet. I will get settled, but this year there wasn't much time for my birthday and there definitely hasn't yet been time to catch my breathe. I'll be fine, but no I didn't really have a summer. Summer in Spain begins in mid-July and ends the end of September, here it begins in May and ends in early August. So, I got back here "early," meaning early July, but it's early August and I'm gearing up for my vacation, which would generally be in early September. Yes, there is some logic to my crazy emotions even if I definitely feel out of place and a little confused, many times for no seemingly logical reason. Ah, the joys of re-entry. And this doesn't even begin to address the fact that I keep on forgetting meals because it the timing is off, but that's another subject for another day.

fear of the unknown

waiting... can be a very hard thing, particularly when you don't know exactly why you are waiting, nor for what, nor what happened to cause you to be in the place you are. waiting... is much easier when what you know you are waiting for is good and that you have the assurance that it will come. i guess waiting involves faith. faith is the assurance of things hoped for and the certainty of things unseen (or not yet seen).

generally i am a positive person. generally i am a person full of hope and who almost too quickly gets excited of what could be... of the future... of hopes & dreams...

yet right now i am in the dark. i may be making way too much of the situation, but i am waiting for a friend to call me back, my best friend in spain. i have no idea what has happened, if it is just her being busy, if it is just that but it has been long enough and i have made enough effort that it seems like something must be wrong, either something in her life or something i did unknowingly or didn't do that offended her... i have no idea whatsoever. if she were not my best friend, i wouldn't make much of it. if she were a guy i liked, again i wouldn't make as much of it. it happens... but i am finding that i really need and want to talk with her. there is so much going on that i want to tell her about and so much i want to ask her about. and yet i am waiting... i'm not quite sure why nor for how long nor what the outcome will be. i don't know if i'm just making a bigger deal of this than it is... i have no information. i know she is alive and well and recently moved, but that is it... and i am finding that it is hard to not obsess about this and it is easy to be very sad about it all. i can't imagine living in madrid without my best friend. sorry if this sounds melodramatic, but i am definitely a but unsure what to do other than to wait... and pray... and to trust that God will work on my behalf and on hers and that His good will will be done... that whatever has happened or not happened will be resolved... and that things will go back to normal. or... i guess it that doesn't happen, that the Lord will be faithful to provide (as He always has been) for me.

let me just say that this is all very sad. i mean, really... okay, i really don't know what has happened and it might actually be nothing, so i need not jump to conclusions until i actually have real information. you can pray for me in this. and pray that if there has been a misunderstanding that it will be cleared up. i am just completely confused and taken back. and really hoping that i'm just making more of the situation than it actually is. i'm hoping that in reality she is just busy and i am making it into something much bigger than it is.