re-entry thought #14 - window screens

Window screens...

I know perfectly well why American windows have them, but I don't particularly like them. Detest is a strong word, but that is the word I want to use. Yes, I like no bugs inside. But I would rather endure the bugs of Missouri to have an uninhibited breeze of fresh air and an uninhibited view of nature. I prefer the brilliant colors of reality, not covered over with a layer of gray to keep out the buggies.

Screens make the outdoor view blurry and somehow make me feel trapped inside. I know that I'm using quite a bit of hyperbole, which apparently I do often, but it's the way I feel. I wish we could go to euro-no-screen-windows and shuddered windows. That's my longing for my adopted home.

I do love that the library has a window with no screen, which I tend to sit by and on occasion open. Not the most profound of posts... just some random rambling and homesickness.

Re-Entry Thought #9

Metro Madrid, oh how I miss you!

It's a true fact that the metro in Madrid, Spain, is one of the best in the world. It is impeccably clean, there are 14+ lines, it is inexpensive (about a dollar a ride), efficient (you generally only wait a couple minutes if you miss a train), and takes you nearly anywhere in the city and the outlying area (county) fairly quickly. And that doesn't even mention the extensive bus system and train system which go farther out the city to suburbs and to other cities. You can go ANYWHERE by just paying a few dollars.

Here in the US, on the other hand, there are only a few cities that I know of where there is anything even close to comparable. St. Louis is not one of those cities. Apparently back in the day it was, with an extensive system of trolleys. But that was long before my time, long before I was even born. Instead it is odd that one even could walk from one place to another. Usually the distances are larger and not made to be walked. You might have to cross a highway or something. And then if you were to try to hike across town you likely would look like a vagabond. Right now I live in the suburbs. I know that I am much more comfortable in the city. I like walking where I need to go. I like not having to drive. I like public transportation.

That being said, I do like driving, but am realizing that I miss all the walking and the ease of just walking down the street or up the street to catch a train to take me wherever I wanted to go, whenever I wanted. Or to walk around the corner for the grocery store, or just downstairs to go to the bank or bookstore or coffee shop. I could walk everywhere I needed in just a couple minutes. Not here. Not even close.

Metro Madrid, oh how I miss you...

Re-Entry Thought #6

Phones. Móviles. IPhone. Outdated flip-phone. Fone. Phone. I can't even hardly spell "phone" correctly. (Which is even more ironic considering the next post, that I just wrote.)

But anyway... the thorn in my side right now is that I have a fully functional and beautiful iPhone 4.0 that I bought in Spain for $50, but that I can only use with a free wifi signal in the US. No Sprint, no Verizon, no nobody,... And both the phone and the plan cost about double here - something that I can't presently afford. I'm still investigating, but right now I have the phone I used 6+ years ago, a cute white flip phone and no not a nice mini-phone, but one of the bulky you can almost feel the radiation from the battery in your hand type, pre-pay phones. I should be thankful for what I have. I'm working on that. But I remember fondly my days of checking and replying to my e-mail on the metro, skyping friends for free throughout the day on my PHONE and showing them whatever I wanted to (oh, and seeing them on my phone). One day... all things will be made right. (And to be fully honest, I'm a little conflicted. I have a love - hate relationship with all the new technology. On one hand I love having some of it, but two am very aware that at times I am a product of the horrible consumerism in the US. I don't want to just follow the man and buy into the system. But that is something else to write about another time. Good things to think about that expose the impure places in my heart that despite my best efforts continues to follow things that don't satisfy nor bring life. This may have to do with re-entry, but is a much deeper issue. Oh, the wonderful grace of Jesus to save me despite my very unworthiness & my, even now, at times very unrepentant heart.)

america, america

I've been meaning to write a post about all that I do like about the US. As I mentioned before, it's always easier (and in some ways I think you have authority to do so) to be more critical with whatever group you fall into, or whatever country you live in - that is as long as you have freedom of speech to do so without being killed or imprisoned. That is one thing that I appreciate about the good US of A. I recently returned for a time from Spain to the US and thus am in the midst of re-entry / reverse culture shock / etc., and thus can be a bit more critical. So, here are some of the things I love here.

1 - That we do have rights such as freedom of speech, freedom of expression, freedom to be free, freedom of religion,...

2 - That we tend to value hard work, positivity, hope, encouraging others, tolerance, diversity, learning,... (We're by no means perfect in this and there are BIG problems, but this is true here in a way it is very few other places.)

3 - That you can accomplish a million things in one day. Efficiency. (I don't think this should be a higher value than community and than people, but I do appreciate it a ton.)

4 - Whole Foods... stores open 24 hours or later than meals, since I'm still pretty messed up in terms of the whole meal thing... It's common that I forget to eat lunch until 4pm and that I don't eat dinner or think of it at 8-10pm. And I'm STARVING at lunch, or my lunch, for a two course meal and at dinner for a tapa or two.

5 - I'm sure there are many more, but I'll have to do this when I'm more awake. :-)

Re-Entry Thought #2

I recently drove to and from Colorado. BUT since I got back to Missouri, I've seen COUNTLESS people wearing what look like ipod headphones, WHILE THEY DRIVE!!!! How in the world?

Apparently they are likely iphone headsets or other phone headsets. I guess I've been spoiled in Spain to have "hands free" built in to my car. Yes, it was installed by the gal who owned my car before me, but it's there. And if it weren't than I wouldn't be able to talk in the car BECAUSE IT'S ILLEGAL! And even though I am now in the US, I can't really believe that it's legal to talk in your car. I did see a billboard somewhere in Colorado or Kansas or Missouri saying that it's illegal to text while driving, BUT that seems to be the extent.

So, really, you think it's better to drive with HEADPHONES on instead of actually hearing the outside world and holding your phone in your hand while driving. Craziness...

I really thought I was going nuts until I found out that it was completely normal. Where am I? Not in Oz anymore.

Re-Entry Thought #1

I went to some friends' double birthday party a few nights ago and as I left felt oddly awkward. Being in the process of reverse culture shock, or re-learning my own native culture, I wasn't surprised, but I was trying to figure out why. It occurred to me that two things had occurred that my cultural radar had picked up on.

(1) Americans go home early. It was 11:30pm and I was enjoying myself and expected the party to go on for at least 2-3 more hours with others staying late or heading out somewhere else. This is what would have happened in Spain. Not in the US. Around 11:30pm those remaining all left in about 2 seconds, which involved their quick goodbyes to the host. It felt abrupt and as if they had realized they had overstayed their welcome, which by the way I don't actually feel was the case. I offered to help, finished what I was saying to the hostess, and took off, feeling like I wished there was something else to go to. Yes, I'd get home at 12 or later, due to the drive home, but that's early for Spain for a night of hanging out with friends, and note NOT a late night. A late night, such as New Year's Eve would go at least to 7am. I'm no longer in Madrid.

(2) The other "strange" reality to my spanishized self happened a few times throughout the night. I had been talking to someone who got ready to leave, albeit someone I had just met and I felt VERY odd that they just walked off, sometimes without really saying goodbye. Or they did SAY goodbye, but there was no physical contact. No besitos, or spanish air kisses, no hug, no handshake, no nothing. Not that they did anything wrong, but in Spain things would have been done differently. So I found myself leaning toward them waiting for them to say goodbye, but instead they just took off.

Then there were those I hadn't met or to whom I hadn't been talking to right before I left, I always expected to receive besitos and for them to come over to say goodbye. It wasn't like we were a massive group, but alas NO. They said goodbye to the hosts, generally just a shout out and immediately left. No saying goodbye and hovering for a half hour. No making the rounds to say goodbye to everyone at the party, including those they had yet to meet. Nope. A quick, "okay, we're leaving. bye." End of the story.

I on the other hand either would have made the rounds AND said goodbye, but lingered for 30 minutes more, getting into one or two more last conversations. I tried that, unconsciously, but since I was the last one there, it WAS probably a bit awkward.

AHHHH, the craziness of re-entry. I'm sure this is merely the first of many awkward, at least in feeling, stories.

Para - what?

:-S Sorry for the gross picture and reference... but after a few days of spending time with other missionaries who have lived overseas for a time, realizing that my digestive system wasn't getting any better, and sharing some of my symptoms with people who live or have lived in developing countries, and then consulting with a friend who is a doctor, I came to the conclusion that my worst fears had come true (ok, that's a little overly dramatic). I did most likely, in fact, have a parasite of some sort that I had gotten, I'm fairly sure from the Subway restaurant in India.

I won't go into detail about the symptoms, but I've begun a parasite cleanse that means 30 days of taking capsules and drops of a mixture of herbs to kill the alive ones, the eggs, and to kill the eggs that hatch into alive little guys. Yuck.

The first 2 days I felt like poop. But then it occurred to me that I was killing living beings inside me, so it was no wonder. Now I feel pretty good as long as I watch what I eat, or more the quantity. Oh, the joys of life sometimes.

the current

Okay... I've been searching a good radio station since I got back to the US. Unfortunately I've yet to find anything consistent in STL, but I did find a FABULOUS station in Minnesota. The Current, Minnesota Public Radio. I like it even more for that. But the MUSIC is fab. And I've had it on all afternoon and NOT ONCE wanted to change the station. Thank goodness I can stream it here. Enjoy!

New Eyes

I got back to the US about a week ago and this time around will be here longer than normal, what in someways seems like an infinite amount. And I am VERY much in transition and culture shock. I generally experience all of this, but it's amplified greatly by the fact that I'll be here awhile longer than normal.

Thus I'm trying to see my "coming back" in the same way as I would if I were to go any new culture. I'm trying to observe and to "be open" instead of making quick judgment calls about nearly everything. And yet that's a hard thing to do when it comes to your own culture. By nature we as Americans feel the "right" to be as critical as we want of our own culture and right now nearly everything here that is "different" seems wrong and stupid to me. If it were the reverse I would say "oh, it's just different. i just don't understand how their culture works yet. I'm not from there so i have no right to be critical quite yet." And yet I am from here, so it's hard not to be critical despite the fact that I have change.

I've been so intentional about trying to understand and adapt to Spanish culture that I've forgotten some of how it is here. I guess it's normal, I've been here a week after 8 years in Spain.

I'll try not to be too critical of US culture, but I'm giving a disclaimer now: I'm in MAJOR transition, so I'm sorry if I'm critical. It's going to take me time to re-adapt.

Here are my somewhat harsh first observations (some which are always my thoughts when I return stateside):

I wish I could walk, take public transportation, instead of a car EVERYWHERE. St.Louis has ONE and a HALF metro lines and I've been told it is because we don't want the people from the city who would rob and increase crime in the suburbs to be able to easily get out here. (That seems INSANE. Seriously we believe that the city holds the "bad" people and the suburbs have the "good" people. That's a load of poop. And would they really get here more easily in public transportation. I'm guessing any real criminal can probably access or rob a car to get out here just as easily. And, unfortunately, I felt MUCH more safe in a big city in terms of walking at night alone. Yeah, maybe that was a European city, but maybe the problem is not city versus county.) And thus there are way too many cars and way too big of cars. Plus gas prices have skyrocketed. I knew this, but it's still a shock.

The food here (I know HUGE generalization) has no flavor to it. Huge portions are given and yet only sometimes is the food incredibly delicious. I know comparisons might not be good, but in comparison I could get food for half the cost and I almost always at INCREDIBLE food. And there I'm not exaggerating. Even grocery fruits and veggies lack flavor.

Cell phone prices are DOUBLE! No where else that I know of in the whole world pays for incoming calls and texts. To the best of my knowledge our prices are HUGE in comparison. For a technologically advanced country, this seems ironic. I guess if people are willing to pay... it probably isn't going to change.

Restaurant menus have MILLIONS of options that overwhelm me. I just need a few good options, not 100. Same with grocery stores. Okay, maybe I'd like more olive oil, olives, jamon serrano, queso manchego, but the grocery stores here are HUGE. At least two of my normal grocery store in Spain would fit in one here.

Too much noise!!!

Too many, "I'm sorry, did I come close to touching you or get a tiny bit too close." I'm so sick of hearing, "I'm sorry..." Physical touch is not bad. Brushing someone by accident is no big deal. Yeah, if you bump someone apologize, but the rest is too much.

Too many smiley, falsely happy people. This is probably a little critical and fully culture shock, but I get sick of the shiny-happy-people-holding-hands attitude. I like nice, kind people, but when they are genuine not fake. American culture is way more "polite" that what I'm used to, and it's driving me a bit batty.

Too much stuff.

Too little fashion sense.

Too COLD!!! Why am I freezing inside in July? I understand the need for AC, but couldn't we moderate that a bit?

And overpriced bad coffee... (Okay, I did go to a yummy NOT overpriced place this morning. But not the norm... or at least where I am right now.)

amazing shoes

okay... this needs to be my last post for tonight, so i finish packing and get some sleep... here are my fun new running shoes. i can't really believe i bought nikes and not new balance shoes, but the price and the fit were right. and i actually tried them both on to compare and nike won out, at least this time.

they do a great job of hugging my foot at the arch, so that my foot doesn't slide forward at all (and hopefully so i won't get the occasional blister on the ball of my foot). they are light, like the new balance (nb) and i hardly feel them running.

and, as i was unpacking them to put them in my carry-on, i found out that they have the secret compartment under your foot for the IPOD CHIP!!!! yippee!!! i had no idea. and now i don't have to carry it on the pouch on top of my laces. SOOO exciting!!! and obviously they were much cheaper here in the US than over where the euro currently reigns.

happy running!

where i'm living (for june)

for the month of june, during xtrack (the cross-cultural training i am helping with), i am living in kissimmee, florida, a suburb of orlando and an extremely diverse part of the US (fairly unlike where i grew up). i hear more spanish and tagalog (the language spoken in the philipines) and several other languages than english. this doesn't exactly help me in readjusting culturally, as i never know what language to speak nor where exactly i am (in what country). but it is fun.

i've found a great place to get tacos (taqueria), a good sushi place, i've tried filipeno food, am getting to know some people at a local coffee shop, and have found some places to go running (and to get out into the more rural area).

not to mention the fun people i get to be around and the endless opportunities to hang out. definitely something that ministers to me as an extrovert. volleyball, soccer, watching arrested development, tacos, water polo, watching european football & the european football tournament (in which spain is doing well -- woohoo!),...

My first week back in the US

This picture in some ways describes my first week back. Rain, rain, and more rain...

The weather has definitely been primarily that. Rain and cool.

In terms of happenings, of what I've done... I have observed the US culture a bit from afar, almost as if I were coming here for the first or second time... somewhat from a distance (which i guess makes sense, since it's been two years).


... I've renewed my driver's license, changed my voter's registration to Missouri from Kansas (where I lived before moving to Spain), got a new library card and residence card in St.Peters, MO (where I grew up and where my parents live), got an international driver's license (super easy, just pay $15 and show them your US license), sent off to renew my passport,...

... was shocked by the huge rise in gas prices and prices in general... I think it's all about doubled... to the point that it's about the same as europe prices (even with the dollar-euro exchange rate).

... bought a ton of fabric to make a couple things (thanks to a great Memorial Day sale)

... eaten some INCREDIBLE sushi at the restaurant my family always goes to in St.Louis - Tachibana, off of Olive Blvd., ate some great Afghani food with my parents & aunt and uncle, while they asked me all about Spain, my life in Spain, and Spanish culture,...

... had lunch with several people

... saw one of my best friends and her new adorable baby (who I forgot to take pictures of) -- Sydney Jane is her name -- and we went to the Missouri Botanical Gardens, one of my favorite places in St.Louis

... talked to some fun friends on the phone

... take a few walks and have a million memories come to mind

... saw the new Narnia movie "Prince Caspian" with my parents, which by the way was GREAT!

... checked out a few books from the library

... got a new battery for my Mac & started to brush up on my french a bit

... went to the health food store I used to work at and where I came to really know Jesus, place my faith in him, and begin to see him work in my life

... and have had a horrible stomach ache now for about three days... i'm sure something i ate had milk in it, but it's not going away... but i did go to the health food store i used to work at and got some stuff that should help

... i'm sure there is more, but that's the jist of it