some reflections from paris

paris was amazing on several planes. but some of the biggest blessings of being in paris was having good time with a friend and having a ton of uninterrupted time to process life, journal, do nothing, wander, and to be still before God.

basically the processing and such began on the plane there. i began to write a letter to a high school girl i met recently who is in the midst of some hard stuff and some hard stuff i can relate to. so a few weeks ago i read in my time with the Lord Psalm 126, which says:

126:1 When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those who dream.
2 Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy;
then they said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.”
3 The Lord has done great things for us; we are glad.

4 Restore our fortunes, O Lord, like streams in the Negeb!
5 Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!
6 He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing,
shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.

this psalm first made me think of my 13-year old friend and then of myself. and i'd been meaning to actually write her a letter for a couple days when i finally actually did so on the plane to paris. i had an hour and half or so of uninterrupted writing time and it was great!

so, i wrote out the psalm, gave some context, and then told her that i thought the psalm gave a lot of light to both of our situations.

it starts off with the people of Israel (who likely were coming out of a time of captivity in Babylon) remembering back to how God had worked in the past. the imagery is great. it talks about them having felt like they were in a dream. they talk about their mouths being filled with laughter, their tongue filled with shouts of joy. there is no lack of emotion there.

and they talk about others and themselves speaking of the amazing, unbelievable things the Lord had done. it says "we are glad" and yet in the context of the rest of the first three verses it seems like a grave understatement. they are AMAZED, OVERJOYED.

and yet the second half of the psalm, verses 4-6, both shows their present reality, one of weeping, of hard/tough sowing without signs of a harvest, tears, hardship, lack of money and desperate need. and yet, the focus isn't on their circumstances. it's not on their present reality. it's on GOD and is hopeful. but their hope is not on anything they can see. it's in God and in his faithfulness, his graciousness, his answer to their request to move again. they cry out to Him as their only hope to redeem their current reality. they ask with eyes of hope and faith.

so... yeah, that's the jist of what's there, but as i wrote this letter, i challenged my young friend to do the same: to remember what God had done in the past, how He had revealed Himself and His character to her, times where He had AMAZED her, times where she felt she was in a dream. and then from there to look at her present reality, at what she feared, at the hardness, but then what exactly she needed to ask and trust God to do. what might it look for God to show up in the dark circumstance in which she found herself. and why could she trust Him? what evidence did she have that He was faithful, trustworthy, powerful, compassionate, etc.,?

I challenged her to do this and told her I would do the same, which made me actually do it. So over the next few days I wrote out the past 15 years more or less with the highs and lows, both asking God to remind me of who He is and how He's worked in those highs and lows, but also to show me where I had unhealed wounds that were causing me to fear, to believe things that are untrue about myself, God, circumstances, etc., of which I need to repent and ask forgiveness, and/or where I need God's healing touch. And God did precisely that. I didn't actually make it all the way up to today (and would like at some point to finish), but do think God helped me to identify some things - both wounds and also to see that even in the times I remember back as hard/difficult times, God did some AMAZING and UNBELIEVABLE things. And all this has brought me back into my present situation (or more thinking to some unknowns and possible difficult things in the future) with a completely new perspective and with much more clear vision to HOPE in the midst of darkness and to SEE God instead of all the things around me that can cause me to fear or despair.

I may write more later, but figured I'd at least share this. And since then I've more or less felt like I was on cloud nine. By no means is everything perfect, but somehow my perspective is much more optimistic and happy because I've been reminded of the fact that my hope and peace are secure, immovable,... (there are many more adjectives in 1 Peter 1 to describe it).

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls." (1 Peter 1:3-9)