contentment & singleness

I just got off the phone with one of my best friends, someone who I am SO grateful God put in my life and whom it seems (while we are continents away from each other) are going through some very similar things right now (at leas internally).

one of those things is thinking about guys and our singleness. it is interesting because neither one of us feels incomplete being single, nor wants to get married just for the sake of getting married and not being "alone." in fact i met this friend when i lived in kansas and i remember us somewhat ranting about the way it seemed like some thought that we were incomplete without a husband. that somehow we didn't quite fit into the structure we were supposed to fit into when it came to church - we weren't in college, we weren't married, we weren't moms, and we weren't doing everything in our power to make these things happen. that's why we helped to start the 20s30s group at church which we were very clear was NOT a single's group to search for your future spouse. yes, great if that happened, but we just wanted some fun people to hang out with.

neither one of us now lives in kansas and over the past year or so, while we love our lives as they are, guys have pursued us (or half pursued us) making it a bit hard to just be content with the present status quo. some of them we've liked and some of we haven't but nothing has ever really come of them. and the past two weeks, as we've both had guys we're not interested in but who are friends pursue us for us to then have to eventually tell them we're not interested, we have been a bit frustrated both with God's timing and the fact that it seems like we either find guys we like but whom are passive and don't pursue us or guys we don't like for whatever reason who do pursue us.

we both have questioned if there is something wrong with us, some fatal flaw... if the right guy ever will come along... what is God thinking in the midst of all of this...

so tonight as we talked, it was obviously great to have someone else at the same place to relate with and to process life with. at one point she said, "you know i probably should just ask God to show me what he thinks about all this." so i asked God exactly that, "what do you think about all this?" and what i heard inside was, "dawn, just wait. i have good things for you. just trust me." i told her all of this and laughed as i said, "but that's what he always tells me." ironic, no.

i also was reminded that often when i've actually prayed and talked about this to the Lord that i have been brought back to the passage in matthew 7:7-11, "ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock, and it will be open to you... which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? if you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!"

all that to say, God DOES know the desires of my heart, he is the giver of good gifts, and he is not withholding something from me just for the heck of it, just to torture me. he must have some plan that i cannot see.

and, so while i am presently wrestling a bit with contentment, i choose to ask God to enter into this all and at least give me eyes to see him, that he is big enough to hold me, and that he is as he says he is. (and fortunately, based on experience, i know that there are times of discontentedness and times of contentment. this too shall pass.

and, as my friend said, reality is, i do love my life as it is. i wouldn't change anything. i have no idea what the future hopes, but each day has enough trouble of it's own to try to worry too much about what may or may not come.

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding; in all of your ways, acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."