music - random musings

It's interesting how much a role music plays in my life. Okay, maybe that sounds more dramatic than I intend. Anyway... Music. Music is there to either help change my mood, to help me to process, or to sit with me in whatever mood I may be in, whether it be pure joy, excitement, music to dance to, or sad, melancholy, pensive, mourning, or angry, punch someone, mad at the world, or whatever... I have mixes for a plethora of emotions, or I have certain artists or genres that I turn to when I am sad and want to momentarily snap out of it, or want to just dwell in my emotion, or want to work through and move forward. So interesting. I can just turn on certain songs and it takes me to the place I need to be, or helps me listen to the words and move forward. And I know I'm so speaking in vagueness, but recently some songs have changed, or for me they have. I have no idea what the song was intended for, nor do I actually want to know, but at one point I heard one thing and now I hear another. There's some postmo thoughts for you. :-) Anyway, I am thankful for good friends, but also for good music.

BTW right now I'm listening to Over the Rhine, which I've listened to more times than I can count over the past few months. It's somehow been like a soft blanket or a pair of running shoes in the midst of processing life. And even if the music in itself isn't happy, smiley music, it inevitably lifts my mood and helps me to walk forward being okay with the mix of emotions inside me. I don't have to be happy, smiley. I can just be me and can be happy but also can be sad and in process.

SSLYBY - Let It Sway

Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin. A band I've been really getting into recently, which is ironic since the guy I was dating until recently LOVES this band and gave me a cd of their "greatest hits" right before we broke up. And yet I didn't really listen to it until about a month or two later. Somehow their melancholy or just downright heart-broken and depressing lyrics mixed with an upbeat, guster-ish tune makes me love them. And not to mention, they're from Missouri. Springfield to be exact. I love their lyrics and the fact that they seem pretty down to earth. I wish I'd heard more of their music before I went to a concert of theirs in STL exhausted and only knowing one song. They take some time to warm up to, at least did for me.

And, yes, as I'm still processing this break up, and I'm sure that this is part of me processing. At times my emotion is very much on my sleeve and I both need melancholy music and things that make me face the reality of it being over. So, SSLYBY is one of the many "new" things I've begun to do or listen to... It's such an odd thing but I've probably changed a million and one little things. It feels new and refreshing. And I know some of this makes no rational sense, but anyway.

Here's a video of the making of their new cd, "Let It Sway."


I love it! And here is a video from the album that actually is what first made me think twice about the band. :-)

sleep?

A friend once told me that he thought introverts probably got a lot more sleep than extroverts because after we hang out with people we're energized and have to wind down. (sorry for the run-on sentences, i've been speaking a lot of spanish and am tired. and in spanish run-on sentences are actually proper grammer.) Tonight that is definitely true for me. It's 0:42 (or 12:42 in the morning), I have a flight that I need to leave for at 7:00 am, so 6 hours, not to mention getting up and awake (and the film that I have to return in the morning, since we had film night tonight and we had to rent the film this week). I am fairly wide awake, but writing this realizing that tired or not I had best get some sleep right after I make a list of what I need to make sure to grab before I run out the door in the morning. Uf!

fruit

somehow my body seems to be craving fruit. yesterday i went to the store and bought 3 or so bags of fruit only to get home and think, "what was i thinking? i'm going to be here a day and then gone for three. how in the world am i going to eat all this fruit?"

if an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what about five? my diet today has consisted almost entirely of coffee, apples and almond butter.

malasaña

so, i've been a little down today. mainly i'm exhausted because i haven't been sleeping well or enough. so i asked a couple friends to pray and then ran out on some errands. the Lord is so sweet to me. one, just the right music happened to be on my ipod from the last time i listened to it. i was going to turn it to some more melancholy music, but alas my fav enter the worship circle cd was on, so i listened. then i had to walk through one of my favorite neighborhoods of madrid. it's right by my apt, bohemian and hippy/trendy. fun stuff in the windows of boutiques, at 5pm its right after lunch and school so there are kids playing, people out and about, dogs running, it's sunny, and i do love where i live - the architecture, the ambiance. and i've probably been down bc i've been tired, bc i'm a little frustrated with certain aspects of life right now (ok, just the boy area), i have a lot on my plate the next few days and i'm tired, i have a long list that has yet to be tackled for today, and i've been inside too much today, not enough green space and sun. so... no, nothing has really changed, but i have a fresh outlook and am reminded of the great place i live and of all the things yet to be explored. :-)

looking back, reflecting,...

I am not one who tends to read through old journals much. But that's exactly what I've been doing, reading through the journal I wrote in the past six months or so and I just skimmed through my blog over the past year. It's been good to REMEMBER and to be reminded of who God's been to me, who He is, and who He will continue to be. It's been good to be REMINDED of His promises, steadfastness and faithfulness, of Him being the giver of good gifts, the one who satisfies our desires, thoughts, needs,.... It's been good to both gain PERSPECTIVE and to help me to TRUST and walk by faith.

Somehow I don't think it's coincidence that my calender has on it for October in beautiful calligraphic letters, the flowery kind, that say (from Joshua 22:5):

LOVE

The Lord Your God
walk in all his ways
obey his commands
be faithful to him
and serve him

WITH ALL
YOUR HEART
AND ALL
YOUR SOUL

I should take a picture or something because somehow since they are in flowery calligraphy it feels softer. What jumps out is "LOVE the Lord... with all that you are" and then as a side note, all the part about obedience, which is (don't get me wrong) HOW we love him, in part, BUT it's as a response to HIM and to who HE is. It wells up from inside us and overflows. That doesn't change that it is sometimes a choice, okay often a choice. BUT it's done because we LOVE Him not out of duty or guilt or to somehow "earn" his favor - something we could never even begin to do. He has chosen us. He loves us. He SHOWERS us with LOVE and BLESSING and GRACE. He is AMAZING, oh so amazing. And OH SO sweet, tender, near. Ah! Praise the Lord! I'm so glad that HE'S the One who makes this work. I'm so glad that despite my melancholy state and my crazy emotions, HE REMAINS the SAME. HE is UNCHANGING and TRUSTWORTHY. He is oh so faithful to hold me near and to remind me what is true. For that I am eternally grateful and for that reason I can take JOY in today and actually am HAPPY (even if it is a mix of happiness, joy, sadness, mourning, broken-heartedness, gratefulness, thankfulness, feeling loved for, cared for, longing, and probably 10,000 more emotions).

ok go - "end love" & "this too shall pass"

Ok. This is definitely a little silly. But I love it and it makes me laugh or at least smile, so here you go. Some Ok Go. You've gotta love their videos.

more happy, smiley songs

feist - "1234"


regina spektor - "on the radio"


regina spektor - "better"

melancholy songs

beirut - "nantes"


feist - "the park"


over the rhine - "ohio"


over the rhine - "i want you to be my love"


feist - "lonely, lonely"

blogging...

Okay. So, yes, I'm going a little nuts tonight in the blogging department. My roommate's grandma died today. I'm am hormonal and sad. And what I usually do Monday night is temporarily suspended until November. I should have gone running or something but instead I'm home blogging, something I haven't really done for awhile. I haven't really had much time to do so. But now... I seem to need to. So, that's what I'm doing. Unless I can't sleep, there probably won't be much more for the next week or so, because Monday night I am actually around, but we'll see...

la fete - beirut

okay... i just learned how to get the embedded codes for youtube videos. i know. slow. :-) and i DID just post this the other day, but it wasn't as accessible to you. and I need to watch it again today. it makes me happy. so, here you go, "forks and knives," or "la fete," which means the party in french, :-) by beirut, who are AMAZING!

Fall in Madrid

Hmm... I just bemoaned all the things I miss from the States about fall, in part because I'm a little down and in part because I just got a package from my mom, just made popcorn, am cold (because it's fall and there's not any heat until Nov), and, yeah.... SO, I'm going to make a list of the things I love about the fall in Madrid and specifically the fall, not the winter or some other season.

I DO love the beginning of the semester and all the excitement of getting things going again and seeing God at work in my life, in the lives of students, etc.,

I LOVE walking around the streets anytime of year, but the fall is nice. I did love Saturday, just two days ago, when I bought some new plants and potted them and had the windows open with the fresh, cool (but not too cool) air.

I do love making popcorn and snuggling under a blanket because it's just a little too cold. I love tea and making apple cider. I love walking through Retiro park any time of year, but the fall and spring are probably some of the best times. I need to do that more often. The fall is nice to run in because it's finally cool enough to wear pants again, really, but just a tank top or t-shirt. And I LOVE to run when it's cool out.

I don't much care for when it rains, but we haven't had much rain this year, at least not yet, nor actually do we usually.

I like that the leaves do change some, at least more than they used to (during the 2 or 3 years of drought). I like that people are around again. Summer vacations have ended, so the city is full again and life is back to normality, back in motion. I DO like fall cleaning and fall changes (or at least some of them).

Well, that's at least the beginning of a list. I do like spring more. And I am still a little down. But that's okay. It's okay for a time.

Beth Bombara on top of the City Museum in STL

(which is one of the funnest places in existence)

fall...

I just made some popcorn (I know I just said that below), but it got me thinking about fall and all the things I miss. Yes, it's fall here too, but somehow this year I feel more nostalgic and am more aware of all the things I miss.

I have always missed the changing leaves. The leaves DO change here, a little, but not like in Missouri, with the brilliant reds and oranges and yellows, with the piles of leaves all over the ground to be raked or jumped into or collected temporarily. I LOVED fall at Mizzou when I was in college. I'd always come back from class with a pile of leaves to put in a basket or something. I LOVED the rainbow of colors and still do... or that's what I miss.

Apple picking, making apple pies from the apples in my parents' backyard,... hayrides, campfires, fall camping trips,.... pumpkins, carving pumpkins, pumpkin pies (and being able to make pumpkin pies from canned pumpkin instead of either having to get someone to ship it or bring it over or making them from sweet potatoes or finding a pumpkin and boiling it),... chili, cornbread,... winter soups (okay, that i do make here. i make a ton of tasty winter & fall soups and do make chili on occasion. it's just not the norm and no one else is making chili.).

So, that is my bemoaning about nothing. Fall is the one season (okay, and maybe winter) that I miss here. They were never my favorite seasons, but I miss the snow, the changing leaves, and probably the trick-or-treaters too. I don't actually have any reason to complain. I live in Spain. You can't really compare with that. Yet this fall I'm melancholy and a little sad, not overly nor excessively just a little. And, if you must know, it has to do with a boy that I'm still getting over. (Which probably helps explain a lot of my emotional-ness as of late.) Somehow it seems like it shouldn't take this long, but it is. So that's why I'm all nostalgic and missing home a little more than normal.

a granola halloween

so... I just made some popcorn and, probably because I'm a little meloncholy and it's fall and getting cold here (primarily just cold enough that it would be nice to have some heat, but the heat doesn't come on until Novemeber unless it gets really cold. it's just the way it is. so we've broken out the space heaters but inevitably it's still cold inside, probably actually colder than outside. anyway, I'm digressing...), it made me think of my mom & Halloween growing up. we always gave out popcorn to trick-or-treaters. it's what we did. I grew up in a super-granola house where we didn't have refined sugar, refined flour, soda, candy, nor anything of the sort. My mom cooked with fruit juice, honey, fructose, brown rice syrup,... I actually LOVED that we gave out popcorn because, having been raised in a super healthy house, I didn't and don't like candy, except for maybe chocolate, dark chocolate. So, we'd spend the afternoon before the trick-or-treaters came popping popcorn and putting it in little baggies. Of course some people thought it was cool and would even ask for an extra bag and others thought it was lame.

My brother, sister and I would go trick-or-treating too and when we came back my mom let us have 2 pieces of candy, I'd give away all my candy except for the chocolate, and we'd put our jack-o-lanterns up in the kitchen on the shelf and have a piece or two over the next few days and then forget about them until next year.

A friend of mine makes fun of me because growing up in a granola house is different. My Easter bunny brought energy bars, nuts, raisins, and carob chips. No chocolate bunnies for me.

bright as yellow

"Bright As Yellow" - Innocence Mission

And you live your life with your arms stretched out.
Eye to eye when speaking.
Enter rooms with great joy shouts,
happy to be meeting.

And bright,
bright,
bright as yellow,
warm as yellow.

And I do not want to be a rose.
I do not wish to be pale pink,
but flower scarlet, flower gold.
And have no thorns to distance me,

but be bright,
bright,
bright as yellow,
warm as yellow.

Even if I'm shouting, even if I'm shouting here
inside.
Even if I'm shouting, do you see that I'm wanting,
that I want to be so
bright,
bright,
bright as yellow,
warm as yellow.

fashion pages

Some fun fashion pages & lookbooks I found recently:

garance doré
who what wear
lookbook.nu

100 days of action

I just saw this here and thought it was curious/interesting.

up in the air

This Thursday in the film night we'll be watching "Up In the Air." I just previewed it and have a bunch of themes and thoughts scribbled down of possible things to talk about/ questions to ask. It's a pretty relaxed environment but always good to have some fodder for the fire, just in case. I'd love any other thoughts you might have about the film, or predominant themes you saw, character analysis, etc., Here's some reviews I found that I found interesting. Oh, and don't read the reviews if you haven't seen the film and don't want to know what happened. Probably an obvious disclaimer, but anyway...:

In English (US)
ny times review #1
ny times review #2
Film Critic.com

In Spanish (Spain)
El País Review #1
El País Review #2
La Off-Off Crítica

My random scribbles:
- "Moverse es vivir"
- "Ir por el mundo con la mochila lo más vacía posible..."
- idea of "home"
- "backpack" - what is worth filling it with, is it better empty? - +/-
- connection vs. isolation
- freedom vs. strings/responsibility/connection
- isolation/solitude vs. responsibility/commitment/things that tie you down
- family, freedom,...
- solitude, worth, isolation,...
- "relationships are the heaviest weights in your backpack..."
- "some animals are made to live in symbiotic relationships... attached to one another... we are not..." (probably somewhat loosely paraphrased)
- "the slower we move, the fast we die... we are sharks..."
- "make no mistake... we all die alone..."
- human connection or the lack there of - ex. of the young girl, clooney, other woman,...
- absence, clooney's disconnection with his family
- "I tell people how to avoid commitment" - bondednes vs isloation
- "welcome home" after he counsels the fiancé of his sister to go through with his marriage
- the lady's solitude - her affair & desire for escape, a parenthesis in her mundane life of commitments (family, marriage,...)
- the irony of clooney's job & what happens with his relationship, allowing himself to feel
- variety of ways of dealing with emotional commitment or lack there of
- similarities & not to "About a Boy"