Re-Entry Thought #4

A couple nights ago i was at a party and someone asked me how tall i was in spanish and i told him in feet and then said, "but i can't remember how many centimeters that is" (as if he'd even want to know). Oh, the joys of reverse culture shock.

america, america

I've been meaning to write a post about all that I do like about the US. As I mentioned before, it's always easier (and in some ways I think you have authority to do so) to be more critical with whatever group you fall into, or whatever country you live in - that is as long as you have freedom of speech to do so without being killed or imprisoned. That is one thing that I appreciate about the good US of A. I recently returned for a time from Spain to the US and thus am in the midst of re-entry / reverse culture shock / etc., and thus can be a bit more critical. So, here are some of the things I love here.

1 - That we do have rights such as freedom of speech, freedom of expression, freedom to be free, freedom of religion,...

2 - That we tend to value hard work, positivity, hope, encouraging others, tolerance, diversity, learning,... (We're by no means perfect in this and there are BIG problems, but this is true here in a way it is very few other places.)

3 - That you can accomplish a million things in one day. Efficiency. (I don't think this should be a higher value than community and than people, but I do appreciate it a ton.)

4 - Whole Foods... stores open 24 hours or later than meals, since I'm still pretty messed up in terms of the whole meal thing... It's common that I forget to eat lunch until 4pm and that I don't eat dinner or think of it at 8-10pm. And I'm STARVING at lunch, or my lunch, for a two course meal and at dinner for a tapa or two.

5 - I'm sure there are many more, but I'll have to do this when I'm more awake. :-)

Re-Entry Thought #3

Ah!!! My body is falling apart! Not really. But my hand HURTS! And just my left thumb.

I went and got a massage the other day and mentioned it to the woman. She said it looked like I had a bit of carpel tunnel. She asked if I'd been typing a lot. NO. I said it might be because I'm driving a heck of a lot more than normal. I'm used to walking and taking the metro or bus or train and once in a blue moon driving. Here I drive nearly everyday. I wish it weren't the truth, but it is. I have no choice. I can't walk or take a bike on the highway. And there are no other options. So I drive. And my hand hurts bad. She said I should start going to yoga as long as my body is getting used to driving. She said the pain in my back and in my lower back is from that too. REALLY? All that from beginning to drive everyday. Not good.

So that is my saga. I have a parasite (or probably many) that are slowly being killed off and I have a million aches and pains because my body isn't used to driving AND it's used to walking several miles a day. Sorry, little body.

Re-Entry Thought #2

I recently drove to and from Colorado. BUT since I got back to Missouri, I've seen COUNTLESS people wearing what look like ipod headphones, WHILE THEY DRIVE!!!! How in the world?

Apparently they are likely iphone headsets or other phone headsets. I guess I've been spoiled in Spain to have "hands free" built in to my car. Yes, it was installed by the gal who owned my car before me, but it's there. And if it weren't than I wouldn't be able to talk in the car BECAUSE IT'S ILLEGAL! And even though I am now in the US, I can't really believe that it's legal to talk in your car. I did see a billboard somewhere in Colorado or Kansas or Missouri saying that it's illegal to text while driving, BUT that seems to be the extent.

So, really, you think it's better to drive with HEADPHONES on instead of actually hearing the outside world and holding your phone in your hand while driving. Craziness...

I really thought I was going nuts until I found out that it was completely normal. Where am I? Not in Oz anymore.

Re-Entry Thought #1

I went to some friends' double birthday party a few nights ago and as I left felt oddly awkward. Being in the process of reverse culture shock, or re-learning my own native culture, I wasn't surprised, but I was trying to figure out why. It occurred to me that two things had occurred that my cultural radar had picked up on.

(1) Americans go home early. It was 11:30pm and I was enjoying myself and expected the party to go on for at least 2-3 more hours with others staying late or heading out somewhere else. This is what would have happened in Spain. Not in the US. Around 11:30pm those remaining all left in about 2 seconds, which involved their quick goodbyes to the host. It felt abrupt and as if they had realized they had overstayed their welcome, which by the way I don't actually feel was the case. I offered to help, finished what I was saying to the hostess, and took off, feeling like I wished there was something else to go to. Yes, I'd get home at 12 or later, due to the drive home, but that's early for Spain for a night of hanging out with friends, and note NOT a late night. A late night, such as New Year's Eve would go at least to 7am. I'm no longer in Madrid.

(2) The other "strange" reality to my spanishized self happened a few times throughout the night. I had been talking to someone who got ready to leave, albeit someone I had just met and I felt VERY odd that they just walked off, sometimes without really saying goodbye. Or they did SAY goodbye, but there was no physical contact. No besitos, or spanish air kisses, no hug, no handshake, no nothing. Not that they did anything wrong, but in Spain things would have been done differently. So I found myself leaning toward them waiting for them to say goodbye, but instead they just took off.

Then there were those I hadn't met or to whom I hadn't been talking to right before I left, I always expected to receive besitos and for them to come over to say goodbye. It wasn't like we were a massive group, but alas NO. They said goodbye to the hosts, generally just a shout out and immediately left. No saying goodbye and hovering for a half hour. No making the rounds to say goodbye to everyone at the party, including those they had yet to meet. Nope. A quick, "okay, we're leaving. bye." End of the story.

I on the other hand either would have made the rounds AND said goodbye, but lingered for 30 minutes more, getting into one or two more last conversations. I tried that, unconsciously, but since I was the last one there, it WAS probably a bit awkward.

AHHHH, the craziness of re-entry. I'm sure this is merely the first of many awkward, at least in feeling, stories.

Para - what?

:-S Sorry for the gross picture and reference... but after a few days of spending time with other missionaries who have lived overseas for a time, realizing that my digestive system wasn't getting any better, and sharing some of my symptoms with people who live or have lived in developing countries, and then consulting with a friend who is a doctor, I came to the conclusion that my worst fears had come true (ok, that's a little overly dramatic). I did most likely, in fact, have a parasite of some sort that I had gotten, I'm fairly sure from the Subway restaurant in India.

I won't go into detail about the symptoms, but I've begun a parasite cleanse that means 30 days of taking capsules and drops of a mixture of herbs to kill the alive ones, the eggs, and to kill the eggs that hatch into alive little guys. Yuck.

The first 2 days I felt like poop. But then it occurred to me that I was killing living beings inside me, so it was no wonder. Now I feel pretty good as long as I watch what I eat, or more the quantity. Oh, the joys of life sometimes.

the current

Okay... I've been searching a good radio station since I got back to the US. Unfortunately I've yet to find anything consistent in STL, but I did find a FABULOUS station in Minnesota. The Current, Minnesota Public Radio. I like it even more for that. But the MUSIC is fab. And I've had it on all afternoon and NOT ONCE wanted to change the station. Thank goodness I can stream it here. Enjoy!

En Serio? What?

I went to meet a friend at First Watch the other morning for breakfast. So after breakfast I returned to my car to drive home and happened to glance at the guy in the truck next to me who was PICKING HIS NOSE HAIRS! What? In a parking lot that was fairly large and well traveled. He was parked directly in front of First Watch so those inside could watch too. What in the world? And he looked at me and continued with his tweezers in hand and looking in the rear view mirror. What in the heck would possess you to do that in the NON-privacy of your car? Isn't that something more well fitted for a vacant parking lot, or even better, your OWN HOUSE or at least a public bathroom or something. A little more discrete location. What in the world?

New Eyes

I got back to the US about a week ago and this time around will be here longer than normal, what in someways seems like an infinite amount. And I am VERY much in transition and culture shock. I generally experience all of this, but it's amplified greatly by the fact that I'll be here awhile longer than normal.

Thus I'm trying to see my "coming back" in the same way as I would if I were to go any new culture. I'm trying to observe and to "be open" instead of making quick judgment calls about nearly everything. And yet that's a hard thing to do when it comes to your own culture. By nature we as Americans feel the "right" to be as critical as we want of our own culture and right now nearly everything here that is "different" seems wrong and stupid to me. If it were the reverse I would say "oh, it's just different. i just don't understand how their culture works yet. I'm not from there so i have no right to be critical quite yet." And yet I am from here, so it's hard not to be critical despite the fact that I have change.

I've been so intentional about trying to understand and adapt to Spanish culture that I've forgotten some of how it is here. I guess it's normal, I've been here a week after 8 years in Spain.

I'll try not to be too critical of US culture, but I'm giving a disclaimer now: I'm in MAJOR transition, so I'm sorry if I'm critical. It's going to take me time to re-adapt.

Here are my somewhat harsh first observations (some which are always my thoughts when I return stateside):

I wish I could walk, take public transportation, instead of a car EVERYWHERE. St.Louis has ONE and a HALF metro lines and I've been told it is because we don't want the people from the city who would rob and increase crime in the suburbs to be able to easily get out here. (That seems INSANE. Seriously we believe that the city holds the "bad" people and the suburbs have the "good" people. That's a load of poop. And would they really get here more easily in public transportation. I'm guessing any real criminal can probably access or rob a car to get out here just as easily. And, unfortunately, I felt MUCH more safe in a big city in terms of walking at night alone. Yeah, maybe that was a European city, but maybe the problem is not city versus county.) And thus there are way too many cars and way too big of cars. Plus gas prices have skyrocketed. I knew this, but it's still a shock.

The food here (I know HUGE generalization) has no flavor to it. Huge portions are given and yet only sometimes is the food incredibly delicious. I know comparisons might not be good, but in comparison I could get food for half the cost and I almost always at INCREDIBLE food. And there I'm not exaggerating. Even grocery fruits and veggies lack flavor.

Cell phone prices are DOUBLE! No where else that I know of in the whole world pays for incoming calls and texts. To the best of my knowledge our prices are HUGE in comparison. For a technologically advanced country, this seems ironic. I guess if people are willing to pay... it probably isn't going to change.

Restaurant menus have MILLIONS of options that overwhelm me. I just need a few good options, not 100. Same with grocery stores. Okay, maybe I'd like more olive oil, olives, jamon serrano, queso manchego, but the grocery stores here are HUGE. At least two of my normal grocery store in Spain would fit in one here.

Too much noise!!!

Too many, "I'm sorry, did I come close to touching you or get a tiny bit too close." I'm so sick of hearing, "I'm sorry..." Physical touch is not bad. Brushing someone by accident is no big deal. Yeah, if you bump someone apologize, but the rest is too much.

Too many smiley, falsely happy people. This is probably a little critical and fully culture shock, but I get sick of the shiny-happy-people-holding-hands attitude. I like nice, kind people, but when they are genuine not fake. American culture is way more "polite" that what I'm used to, and it's driving me a bit batty.

Too much stuff.

Too little fashion sense.

Too COLD!!! Why am I freezing inside in July? I understand the need for AC, but couldn't we moderate that a bit?

And overpriced bad coffee... (Okay, I did go to a yummy NOT overpriced place this morning. But not the norm... or at least where I am right now.)

Españiastan

happy music

Ok... not sure if this is really happy music, but these are a few things I've been listening to that have made me smile.





(these guys, btw are from spain. :-))

change... transition... change...

Uf... I'm in major transition mode. And days like today it affects me more than others. God-willing my car will be sold in just a couple of days, but it's driving me nuts waiting and trusting. I not, I'll have to pay for insurance, since it runs out next monday.

Be still and know that I am God.

My best friend just got married last weekend and I feel like it's affecting me as much as it is here 7 year old daughter. I am VERY excited and happy for them, but it marks another change and the end of another season of life. Normally this wouldn't affect me, but right now it adds to the panic of leaving known, good things behind for a future very unknown but that I trust to be good, because it's been the Lord orchestrating the changes and the leaving...

Be still and know that I am God.

Then there is the fact that we're moving out of our apartment at the end of this month, ie in 21 days, and thus everything must be sold or given away or packed by that day... In some ways selling everything is freeing... In some ways it's surreal and strange. Right now in that department I'm just going through the motions and looking forward to the future.

Be still and know that I am God.

I actually am really excited about the changes and what the future holds. In fact I had a dream where I was at a party with a ton of people I know, and those I will meet. It was fun. And yet then reality struck a bit and I realized that I'm sad for all that I am leaving behind. Normal, I know, but that's where I am... in a whirlwind of change and transition... Some of it is fun and I'm looking forward to.. but at the same time I feel a bit overwhelmed, in great need of One to lead me, and yet having a hard time just resting in His provision and walking by faith.

Changes Come
words: Bergquist/Detweiler
music: Bergquist
recording: Ohio
artist: Over the Rhine

Changes come
Turn my world around

I have my father's hand
I have my mother's tongue
I look for redemption in everyone

I wanna wear your ring
I have a song to sing
It ain't over babe
In fact it's just begun

Changes come
Turn my world around
Changes come
Bring the whole thing down

I wanna have our baby
Somedays I think that maybe
This ol' world's too fucked up
For any firstborn son

There is all this untouched beauty
The light the dark both running through me
Is there still redemption for anyone

Jesus come
Turn the world around
Lay my burden down
Turn this world around
Bring the whole thing down
Bring it down

"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that" --Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr

"But is the taking of another human life, no matter how despicable that life was, something to rejoice over? The vanquishing of Bin Laden calls for a more sober response. A quiet, grateful exhale, and two simple words: “Mission accomplished.” Then, shake the dust from our boots, and move on. The story isn’t over. There is still more work to do. ‎
The reality remains that the death of Osama Bin Laden doesn’t end what he began. And displays like the one above only serve to make us seem as vengeful as the Afghans who giddily danced in the streets after the Twin Towers collapsed. We’re... better than that. Aren’t we?" - Deacon Greg Kandra (Go here if you want to read the whole article. Good food for thought.)

a cholera cocktail, please

I'm headed to India for 10 days in June for a leadership training with CCC. Basically we're going to just see some works in India, some spiritual movements. We'll be in rural northern India.

Thus, I went the other day to a public travel doctor to find out what immunizations and vaccines I'd need prior to going. It's been 10-12 years since I've had anything, so I somehow expected getting 10+ shots all at once. Nope. I got one, which he said he only gave me because I asked about it. It was a Polio reinforcement. The US and the Center for Disease Control suggest I get it, but Spain and many other Western, civilized countries don't. It's not a for sure necessary thing, but he gave it to me anyway, particularly since India is known for having LOTS of polio cases. My Hepatitis A & B shots are good forever, so are my childhood immunizations. I have Maleria pills to take while I'm there and afterward for a week. I just took the first of two doses of the Cholera Vaccine, which will be good for two years. And I need to go pick up a shot for Typhoid Fever and give it to myself, just in case. Then I'm good to go. No pandemic diseases for me.

So... the Cholera Cocktail I just took... I had to not eat or drink for one hour, mix an effervescent, salty, sweet, raspberry flavored pack, that keeps my stomach from attacking the vial of cholera I added to the mix, in a couple ounces of water (150 ml) and then add the cholera vial to the mix, mix it again, drink, and then wait another hour before eating or drinking. It tasted very salty, VERY sweet, and like raspberries. Not too bad. Just hoping for none of the side effects. Salud! :-)

This is one of those times I am VERY thankful to be in the modern world with modern medical advances and to be in the western world. And I'm very excited to see a bit more of the world and to be struck by how God is at work there and also to be struck by the richness of other cultures, the great need, and to learn.

deep church

The latest book I've been reading and really enjoying. :-) About half way through right now and I started it yesterday.

A quote that struck me today... (It is more of a side comment than what the book is about, but wanted to share it.)

"Sinful attitudes divide Christians. As my former professor John Frame says, "Because we want glory for ourselves, we seek to find fault in others. Contentious people are constantly looking for something to argue about, some way to start controversy and disrupt the peace." Though we strive to be discerning, we don't dwell on the faults of other traditions or Christian thinkers. Even when we disagree with others, we try to find their strengths and don't blow their weaknesses out of proportion to make our case. This is divisive. We give others the benefit of the doubt, reading them in the best possible light to preserve unity and foster mutual dialogue in order to learn from and exhort one another. Agreeing with Frame, we eschew harshness, jealousy, snobbery, party spirit, bitterness and lack of openness - all enemies of unity." (p.66, Deep Church, Jim Belcher)

"God is not passive, for love is never passive, but always passionate; and passion always leads to action" - Erwin McManus

what NOT to do...

Note: Be forewarned. This is somewhat of a rant.

Tonight I went to a friend's bday party & another friend's going away party. There were a ton of us at this delicious but hole-in-the-wall italian restaurant, so we split up between four tables. While I don't know many of the people very well, I enjoy their company.

BUT... tonight I unfortunately was secretly on the show of "what NOT to do" (or I wish that were the case). My roommate and I sat down and later were joined by a revolving group of all the people that came just for a bit and then had to leave. By the time we ordered dinner we had a couple people who actually would stick around for a bit. We represented three different countries at our table, none being Spain. As soon as the guy to our left found out we were Americans, he first told my roommate that she had a really strong accent and that the first time he had met me he had been sure I was Spanish, no accent whatsoever. (Or at least that's what he said. He also, by the way, had a strong foreign accent, just a different one. Oh, and he's lived here by the way 4 times as long as my roommate has. She, by the way, actually speaks Spanish really well and doesn't have as much of an accent as he might lead you to believe. And I do have an accent, even if I wish I didn't, sometimes more than others.)

What NOT to do #1 - insulting one roommate & comparing the two with one being "perfect" and the other less than perfect

Then he proceeded to tell us all that he knows about the US, all that is wrong with Americans, and all that is wrong with the way "we" do things when overseas. He cited examples of a Marine who once threw a woman's dog out the window of a train because she had set it next to him, not moved it when he asked, and she was sitting in a completely different row from him. Of course he pulled out his gun when the train security came by. He shouted profanities at him and he wouldn't respond until the US embassy intervened. This was his example of how proud all Americans are. I'm not necessarily disagreeing, but I actually don't think we're the only ones and I also don't think all Americans are proud, self-righteous, in-your-face, rude,... And all Americans don't carry guns with them at all times nor throw women's dogs out the windows of moving trains.

What NOT to do #2 - insulting someone's culture, making huge generalizations that aren't actually accurate, using faulty examples that don't really apply to the people in question, ignoring the fact that your audience isn't really enjoying your subject of conversation

He then talked of how Americans throw their passport rudely at the passport control instead of gently handing it to them. Strange. Actually seems completely unlike what I'd think. And I can't recall ever doing that. I actually can be fairly critical of my own native culture, but all the things he said just don't even seem to be good generalizations. I could have helped him out rightly insult our culture, but no... he seemed to think he was the expert. Much later after I tried to change the conversation a bit, he tried to recover by telling us that there were one or two things that we do well, at which point I was done. I asked him to please stop talking about the US... Could we please change the subject?... I don't really like having my country completely insulted particularly when I don't think the things he was citing pertained to all US citizens,... and I was already fully aware of the bad reputation that American tourists have. I don't need to be told that, I've reminded of it quite often. I apologized on "our" behalf, but even after interrupting him 3 or 4 times to ask him to change the subject, he continued on.

What NOT to do #3 - continuing on and on and on and NOT changing the subject when asked to, trying to add one good thing to balance out all the bad you just said, oh, and later insulting someone's accent (particularly when you too have an accent)

Fortunate for me he eventually had to go. At this point he did actually say, to his favor, "I hope you don't have a wrong opinion of me. I think you guys are great..." He must have realized his err, but a little late. He for sure had not ruined the evening, but he did make it a bit less enjoyable. He could have figured out fairly early on by millions of non-verbals that we were a bit annoyed, but no. (I mean, my roommate's arms crossed, me leaning back in my chair, talking to the table next to us quite a bit, my not really being engaged, my asking him to change the subject (not so non-verbal), the look on both of our faces,...)

What TO do #4 - apologize

Anyway, the food was delicious, the company for the most part was good, and I was delighted to be there because I love dearly the people we were celebrating, but learn from this guy. No matter what country you're from DON'T ignorantly insult someone else's culture. It's not a way to make friends, not enjoyable, and certainly not beneficial in anyway unless you're trying to tell them that THEY are that way. And, if you are, just be direct. That's completely different and actually probably something GOOD to do. People generally don't like being insulted nor criticized, particularly inaccurately. So, yeah, there is my little rant for the night.

(And unfortunately this is neither the first nor the last time this has happened to me. Usually it has more legitimacy than what this guy was saying though and I actually can somewhat agree with them. And generally it is just for the first few minutes and then the conversation changes subjects, although I can think of just a couple other times where it went on and on and on.)

the pot calling the kettle black

Most of my life these days functions in Spanish, so from time to time English sounds foreign to me. Today I was talking to someone in the States who said that he didn't mean to be the pot calling the kettle black and I thought, "I love that expression!" No, really, I think it may very well be one of my favorite idioms. And I can't say that I've even ever used it. But I think I may try to begin.

The closest thing I can think of in Spanish is "Apártate que me tiznas, dijo la sartén al cazo." ("Move away, you are blackening me, said the pan to the pot") or "El burro hablando de orejas..." ("The donkey talking about ears..."), the first of which I like a lot, although again I've never actually used (something I need to change).

I think I like it because, I mean really, how true is it that we are exactly that, the pot calling the kettle black. I mean, how many times are we so quick to be critical of others and specifically with things that we do, or are... Bueno, it made me think.

home