a day in NYC

It's been a few weeks now, but on the way back from the US I had a day in NYC, a place I will always love since I spent the summer there back in 1996 with "Summer In the City." Wow, that makes me feel old.

So, anyway, I have some of the greatest friends in the world in NYC and as always they showed me a great time. I met a dear friend, K, saw her new digs in the Upper West Side. Very swanky. We had a delightfully delicious lunch at a Mediterranean place, I can't remember the specific type of fare, but anyway. It was good and it was actually more about the conversation than the food. We talked about men, specifically the men that have been in our lives romantically lately and our unfortunate disappointments as of late. We both were hopeful it would work out this time and, at least for now, it hasn't. Sad. Frustrating. Disappointing. Illogical.... And a million other emotions and adjectives.

From there we went to meet up with another fun friend J to hear about his life, his possible job changes, or more exactly inevitable job change with an open door to a plethora of fun options for the future. It was fun to dream with him and to hear about the exciting-ness of having to make a change. And to hear about his lady friend, or more exactly girlfriend of about a year. We had yummy coffee and then headed through Italy-town, into Chinatown, while still talking about life and my desire to escape (with all the sadness of a recent breakup, about which I didn't really want to talk). So, j being the great friend that he is and the definite culturally ept soho resident, we went to the most incredible cocktail bar, Apotheke. It was amazing! I had a gingery jasmine sour, j had a sidecar (but the best sidecar i've ever had), k had something fresh called "seal the deal" with cucumber, vodka and also was pure yumminess. All very different, but all delicious! Definitely made the day & brightened my spirits. From there we went to a fun asian diner and had more yumminess - I had some kind of spicey green salad with shrimp and a delicious asian sauce of sorts, j had a yummy soup with asian dumplings or something and i don't remember what k had. From there k and i were beat, so we headed back to her place, talked more and crashed. Oh no, actually we went to the corner store (think NYC). I LOVED IT! I felt almost home (ie almost back to europe). It was a gourmet-esce store, but with everything crammed from floor to ceiling of a small corner store. The men working there were from somewhere else, but it didn't seem appropriate to ask where from exactly. Oh, and K is amazing. She bought Illy coffee which is by far my favorite (okay, maybe Kaldi's is up there too) in the whole world. YUM! And pb and soymilk and some yummy whole grain bread. Okay, she gets the amazing friend award (particularly after listening to my moping and pining). We then went to another place for tp because we had forgotten it and as I heard the clerks speaking Spanish, but from the States just from Latino families. I asked where they were from (in spanish) and either they weren't expecting me to ask in Spanish or something bc they acted like i was nuts. I said, "Nevermind." And we went home.

The next day we walked through Riverside Park (in You've Got Mail), took some pictures, met up with J and his girlfriend, walked around a bunch, went to an appointment she had, and eventually I made my way to the airport. I was happy to leave the US and return to normality. But I was also thankful to have some great friends care for me. :-)

quinoa!

Recently on fb I mentioned that I recently re-discovered Quinoa, a grain-like seed that you can make into a pilaf or incorporate in a variety of dishes. It acts kind of like rice, but is much higher in protein, actually it's one of the most complete proteins in one food, particularly a non-animal product. So, recently my roommate has been eating quinoa and I decided to get some too to eat instead of more carby grains or bread and it's working. I love it and it's more nutritious and delicious. So, here are some of the quinoa ideas friends mentioned. I know I have some good recipes around here from my sister too, but I'll have to find them and post them later.

Another new find, or re-find, is almond butter. Better for you and actually much more tasty than pb. It's more pricey, but delicious in smoothies, on toast, in oatmeal,... a nice way to add protein and yumminess to a million things. And apparently it's not too hard to make. I'll write if I find an easy way to do that. I'm just a bit weary of what machine I have that I could use to ground almonds & where to find a good, fresh source that's not too pricey of almonds. But I'm on it... we'll see...

Quinoa Ideas from friends:
I've just recently discovered quinoa, too, and love it. I've been cooking it in finas hierbas bullion along with corn, onion, and sometimes garlic. Then add some feta cheese and use to stuff tomatoes (I incorporate the tomato pulp that I scoop out into the mixed quinoa, so as to not waste it). Adjust seasoning to taste. Top stuffed tomatoes with a bit of mozzarella, and into the oven at 175 C for 25 minutes or so. Yum!

One of our summer favorites is a cold salad of quinoa, black beans, bell peppers, tomatoes, cilantro and maybe feta, with a cumin and chile powder enhanced red wine vinaigrette (avocado is also good but then it sort of loses its stash in the fridge for leftovers all week status).

Oh in the winter quinoa topped with kale or chard (cooked with lots of garlic in a sort of saute/stem/braise method on the stovetop). Or just used as a faster cooking sub for brown rice.

You can also make tabbouleh with it. It's way yummy and better protein than couscous

"Jesus cast a look on me,
Give me sweet simplicity.
Make me poor and keep me low,
Seeking only Thee to know.

Please defeat my busy pride
Cast it ever more aside
Bid my will to Thine submit,
Lay thee humbly at Thy feet.

Make me like a little child,
Of my strength and wisdom spoil,
Seeing only in Thy light,
Walking only in Thy might.

Leaning on Thy loving breast,
Where a weary soul can rest.
Feeling well the peace of God,
Flowing from His precious blood.

In this posture let me live,
And Hosanna's daily gift
In this temper let me die
And hosannas ever cry."

"Someday You Will Be Loved"

I once knew a girl
In the years of my youth
With eyes like the summer
All beauty and truth
In the morning I fled
Left a note and it read
Someday you will be loved.

I cannot pretend that I felt any regret
Cause each broken heart will eventually mend
As the blood runs red down the needle and thread
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You may feel alone when you're falling asleep
And every time tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved
Someday you will be loved

a plethera of emotions

so... over the past few days i've gone through euphoric denial where everything is horrible but was "for the best," "actually a blessing in disguise," "not really as bad as i thought," etc.,... all that may actually be true, but i was not at all in reality, it was pure denial. then came the sadness & tears, many tears, and the feeling that it wasn't fair, AT ALL. that i didn't understand, i was completely confused, taken by surprise, side-swiped, frustrated, sad, not sure what to do, unable to sleep or eat and almost unable to stop thinking about it other than the fact that that drove me nuts. so my only option, and a good one at that, was to go to the arms of the One who truly love me, fully without limit, the One who rescues me, is oh so tender, oh so kind, oh so gentle, and yet awesome and powerful. and He blew me away. while the past few days have been filled with many tears, the Lord has met me right where I am and is teaching me to trust him even in this.

cuteness

i am sad today, but that is for another post. in my teary-eyed-ness i just called my best friend ruth and her 6 year old daughter elia just picked up. we talked briefly and then she asked if i wanted her to tell her mom that i was coming over. i said that i couldn't come over and she asked, "why not?" to which i replied, "i'm in the US at my parents' house." "what?" "well, i'll have my mom call you." "when is she going to be back, half an hour?" "i don't know, but don't worry, we'll call you." if only she knew that it's not that simple. anyway, elia's cuteness made me smile in the midst of my sadness.

i hate milk!

okay, so it's not entirely true that i hate milk, but milk does seem to dislike me or tries to reap havoc on my life at times. last night we went out for mexican food and unbeknownst to me there was cheese or some milk substance on my yummy tacos al pastor. not normal and not nice! so today i am STILL reaping the conse-quences of my unwelcome visitor. milk, i don't like you!!! (or at least when i don't choose you to be around! yes you taste good, but why must you make me feel so sick!!! it's my fault if i eat you knowingly, but why must people think it's a good idea to add you to things where milk just shouldn't be!!!) yuck!

happy new music

so, yesterday... ok technically now 2 days ago, was my bday. and one of the fun gifts i got was a mixed cd from a friend who has similar taste in music. and let me just say that i LOVE it! i actually love homemade gifts and mixed cds (if i like the music). so, the people i'm loving on the cd are of course feist, bon iver, over the rhine, sufjan stevens, and then surprisingly (only bc i don't really know them well) josh ritter, ohio, ryan adams, ray la montagne, and avett brothers (although they're still growing on me a bit). fun times! i should get mixed cds more often. :-) i love fun bday presents!

out of control

so, i just spent entirely WAY too much time on my computer and connected to internet world tonight. i actually was working most of the time sending e-mails and messages for some upcoming stuff that i need to nail down, but out of control. i'm just not wired to do non-stop admin stuff for hours on end. and having to send fb messages and e-mails has way too many distractions. and i only can stay focused on that kind of stuff for so long, which is why a few other msgs were sent and now this little post. so, now it's way later than i planned, i do have to get up early, or madrugar as they'd say here, so that's it for now. just a mindless, random rant. although i'm actually thankful to have a few more things checked off the invisible to-do-list.

sufjan!!!

i heart sufjan. i think i've said it before, but i've been loving his album seven swans. i've had it awhile, but have been listening it quite frequently lately. :-)

la cucaracha

i am not by nature one who is afraid of bugs. in fact, generally i set them free to the outside. there are a few exceptions, cockroaches being one particularly as of late. yuck! it's summer and it seems like they are everywhere. granted i'm rearranging some stuff, but i did actually just put out stuff to get rid of them. and the past few nights they've been terrorizing me.

the cockroach a few months back that FLEW out of the toilet paper thing when i went to get some tp was funny. it was just so weird. then the occasional one in the kitchen or bathroom isn't that big of a deal. i don't mind cohabitating to some degree. i would just prefer to not see them. but last night was the last straw. i went from my room to the kitchen and had three jet out a various places, one in the hall, one out of the poison trap thing, and then one from by the trash. i trapped one under the clear trashcan and then felt like that was inhumane, so i smashed him. then there is the one that ran over my barefoot the other day. there is something wrong with these bugs. they are neither rational nor good sensed.

this morning when i woke up, it occurred to me that i was afraid to turn on the light in the kitchen, expecting something to scurry away. and the same in the bathroom. then i thought, dawn, you're not actually afraid of cockroaches, they just gross you out. yuck!!! please mr. cucaracha would you leave and take your friends with you. i'm sure it's much cooler and darker a few floors down, or even better go to a park or something. i think you and i would be much happier parting ways. thank you.

summer summertime in the city

Summer has arrived. It was 38ºC, or 100ºF today. I would say that makes it now fully summer. So here is a list of what makes me think of summer, or that summer is just around the corner... Oh and I'll check those that have happened already...

_ Café con hielo, Iced coffee
x Iced Latté
x Washing my feet at night, bc it feels good but also bc they're dirty (and in the bidet, in my opinion it's what it was made for!)
x It's hot enough that I have to wear shorts to run (and don't get as many strange looks)
x I get the fan out
_ Lightening bugs (i'll have to wait 'til i'm back in stl for that one)
x Ice cream!
x Terrazas, or outdoor seating
x LOTS of people outside at night and late
_ Putting a fan or two in my purse
x Sandals
x Dresses & skirts without tights
x Seeing American tourists in shorts (and this year it looks like it might be "in" to wear shorts, although they are definitely "hip" shorts, not just your run of the mill shorts)
x Closing the windows in the day because it's TOOO hot to let the air in
x Loving the cool night breeze
x Noticing all the green!!! (even here)
x Making all kinds of iced drinks
_ Smoothies
_ Frozen Juice Popsicles
_ the pool
_ the beach
_ swimming
_ Galicia
_ Realizing it would make a ton more sense to wake up early to go running in a bit cooler weather
x Dying running in the heat
x Enjoying air conditioning on occasion
x Cold showers
_ barbecues! grilling!
x fresh veggies & fruits
x strawberries
x ice
x blue skies (although we almost always have blue skies in madrid)
x cottony clouds
_ outdoor films
x picnics
x parks
x late night walks

lavender tea... pure joy

one of the things my sister got me for christmas was lavender tea. when i went to visit last year to columbus, we went to the coolest tea shop ever and had the most incredible tea. she got a lavender latté and then later bought me the tea. it's one of the things that makes me happy, just smelling it and having it. part of it is the memory and that it's from my sister, who i love. but part of it really is the tea and the lavender. it just smells and tastes SOOOOO good. and it also is calming, since it's lavender. :-) happiness! and so nice in the midst of change and transition.

the unknowns of life

be forewarned, this is definitely processing at its finest, or not so finest nor thought through. it's just pure thoughts as they come out. just to forewarn you:

some dear friends of mine left this morning for the states. they've been here the past 2.5 yrs and have become dear friends and trusted colleagues. they have a one and a half year old who was born here and they're going home to go back to seminary (for a phd) and to figure out what is next.

i'm so grateful to have gotten to know them and also grateful to have been blessed by them in countless ways. yet as i sit here, granted exhausted (which is why i'm taking a little "siesta" of sorts) and granted emotional, i'm a little introspective. in two weeks i'll turn 34, which somehow seems to be a big year. i mean, it's a year before 35 and 35 seems way too old for me to be. ever. particularly being kid-less and husband-less. i mean, 90+ percent of my life i'm next to fully content with being single and i actually LOVE my life, just the way it is. and i'm not by any means just enduring it. in many, many ways i'm thankful that i've had time to be here and to do a lot of things that i probably wouldn't have had time to do nor freedom and flexibility to do if i were married with kids. that said, 34? i mean, if i want kids, now is the time, no? and right now i think i could be ready. and i think i'm willing and desirous of that life. it's kind of a hard thing, and i guess in some ways good that you don't have it all just planned out ahead of time. i mean, i want to get married and i want to have kids, if the right guy comes along and really is THAT guy. if he doesn't, i still desire that life, but i'd rather never marry than to settle or to choose something lesser, even if that means never having kids of my own. and yet at the same time, now more than ever, i can see that that life means exchanging some of my flexibility and "freedom" for giving to others and little people, which at least today i want, the little people that is. and all this connects with my friends leaving in that they have a little person and my other friends leaving soon have two little people. and i DON'T feel like i'm wasting my life by any means, but in some ways, some little ways, i'm not sure my life has fully begun. i mean, i was thinking at the gym last night that i have probably NOT lived half of my life yet. i could get married in a year or two from now and have kids and have a whole different life than i've yet to know. crazy. or something else i have no idea about could happen. who knows... definitely not me.

so... what i actually meant to be writing about are the unknowns of life, which right now seem like a lot. the fall is a huge unknown - who will i be working with? what will my fall look like? the summer is a little unknown, but for the most part figured out, just some of the "who's" and "when's" are a bit unknown. and then the between the summer and fall is a little unknown, or at least what may or may not happen. then there are the next couple years. there is the boy situation. there is how that will play out, or not. there are the boy situations of some very very close friends... all of it unknown and way way way out of my control. i honestly don't know even how to think about it. and, thank God, that He actually remains a true constant. He doesn't shift nor change nor change his mind nor move nor step away for a time. He is FULLY and COMPLETELY present and active. no, i can't control him. no, i can't always figure him out nor understand WHY. but He's Good, really GOOD. and He love me and knows what's best for me and others. and he has a plan and a will. and He listens to me and cares and hears me. He holds me. He works in me, around me. He goes before and behind me. HE DOES know the plans ahead, whether it be the fall or the summer, or next year, or twenty or eighty or a hundred or a thousand or billion years from now. He KNOWS. and he cares. and as i've been reading a ton lately in psalm 106 & 107, he is gracious and merciful and faithful even when I am not (not that that justifies my wrong-doing, but it does give me confidence and peace that it's not all about me). i can't mess it all up. i'm not that powerful. and thank God that i'm not.

so, i've been reading about prayer recently, specifically i've been reading A Praying Life by Paul E. Miller (no relation). it's good, by no means rocket science but just real life wisdom. good stuff.

i think i had some other thoughts, that were probably much more profound than what i actually wrote. but this is me right now, just processing life, seeking to trust God and to walk by faith, taking Him at his word, trying to allow the Gospel to define my life, trying to allow God to lead me, and taking one day at a time.

sufjan stevens

i heart sufjan! his music hoy hits the spot. it's the right mix of melancholia, but hopeful, happy, mad, real, witty lyrics, good music, variety,.... i love it and it is one of the things that is helping this day turn from totally sad to somewhat happy & productive. (see the post below.)

happy thoughts

I am in a horrible mood. Some of my best friends here leave tomorrow. They've been good friends, great workmates,... They are not the only really good friends leaving... I keep on thinking, "There are people dying in the world. There are kids in horrible situations. There are natural disasters. There are things way worse going on in the world. This is NOT that big. Just get over it." And yet I still feel like poop. So, I'm making a list of happy things. (And also a list of poopy things.)

Poopy things
(1) my back, or to be precise my right shoulder blade/shoulder/upper back is killing me. it really hurts & i've already taken one 600 mg ibuprofen.
(2) i hate people leaving. i hate it. i know i tend to be the one leaving and that's not fun either, but it's way worse when you're the one staying.
(3) i have little to motivation to get things done and yet my to do list keeps growing.

Happy things
(1) lavender tea. i love lavender tea and just brewed some to help me be in a chipper mood.
(2) sufjan stevens. what i'm listening to also in the hopes of cheering up.
(3) what i see of the world isn't all that there is. The Lord IS making all things new and he WILL make all things FULLY new. This really is hopeful and DOES actually help me put things into perspective. It's the only thing that really helps.
(4) good friends who care and who are kind and who think of me and let me complain without telling me to just get over it (but then do that too, if i'm just sulking).
(5) i actually do love where i live. AND we just got a new hot water heater! for the first time in 5 years we actually have water pressure in the shower AND it's actually the right temperature. i no longer have to put a clothespin to keep the water coming out of the shower head. and i no longer have to endure scalding hot water or tepid water. this is AMAZING.
(6) the weather is beautiful! it's perfect for just about anything. the windows are open, the birds are flying and singing,... it is happy weather.
(7) i actually have time to get things done and despite my poopy list item #3, i am for the most part motivated. i just have spurts of unproductivity.
(8) lavender tea
(9) God's grace, Psalms 106 & 107 - it's not dependent on ME and God is so sweet to me and gracious to act in love when that's not what i deserve. he cares for me and loves me!
(10) the little people, aka my friends' kids. they make me happy.
(11) okay, this list is actually WAY longer than the other one!

once

I love the music from "Once" and the film itself. :-) Right now I'm listening to it in my meloncholy state of missing people who are leaving or who have already left.

grey's anatomy

i just watched this week's grey's anatomy. i love love love that show. okay, sometimes the drama is probably a bit over the top, but i love that the people are real and flawed and alive and a mess, but real. and i love the emotion of it. they're trying to figure out their way through live, how to live, how to work through their stuff, how to live, how to fill their longing for more,... and the show actually shows their dysfunction in trying to escape and such. anyway... random stuff.

nickel creek

:-)

edges lopped off

They say that when you live in another culture for awhile that you go from being a square head (the previous culture) to looking more like a rounded head (that of the new culture), but since you never are truly native, having not grown up there you look more like a stop-sign head, with edges little by little being lopped off. Some of those changes are gentle, like greetings (for instance in Spain I greet everyone with two air kisses, one on each side; it's not a hard change, just different). Other changes are felt a bit more, for instance getting used to not being so "polite." It's not that we're not polite here, but saying "please" and "thank you" and "would you..." just doesn't always translate the same way. I still say thank you, but there are other more culturally "genuine" ways. This might not be the best example, but anyway... you get my point.

This has to do with one of those easy, but for me farther down the road changes. And right now I would say that I'm past just the "trying out" phase of it, although I don't know if it's something I'll permanently incorporate into my life. Quite honestly, it will probably depend where I live. If I stay here, yes, I'll continue to do as the Spanish do, but if I move somewhere else where it's not so common, it's unlikely that I'll be able to afford it nor do I value it quite that much. What I'm talking about is waxing. Maybe a bit too much information, but it occurred to me last year that the reason that Americans tend to think that Europeans don't shave has to do with the fact that most of them don't, but they do wax. And to wax you have to let your hair grow a little bit before it can be ripped out. So, no, Spanish women don't tend to shave, but their legs and armpits are probably more hair free and smoother than most American women, at least most of the time.

So, about a year ago I made the plunge. I'd been putting it off for years, primarily because I thought it had to be horribly painful and I couldn't seem to let the hair grow out. (It grossed me out.) So last summer, I thought, I could go get waxed once and it would last the rest of the month. No more shaving. Pain is momentary and everyone I know here does it. It can't be that bad. And it costs about 10 Euros for everything I'd want. (Sorry if it's tmi.) And, yes, the first time it hurt, but not that bad. And your hair doesn't actually grow back much and it's weaker. All the stuff they told me before. And this weekend I even took it a step further. I did it myself. Now for the time, ease, and cost difference, I probably won't do it myself again until I'm visiting the States, but I've got it down. I figured out the way to rip and the way not to. And I must say that I'm pretty impressed with myself. And since in the states, what costs me 10 Euros would cost over 100, and while I'd spend less shaving, for the time being I'll probably continue to visit my local salon.