sooooo good

So, here's the playlist for the Dark Was the Night: Red Hot Compilation. It is SOOO good, as the teen girl squad would say. And it really is. It's what I'm loving to listen to these days. And it somehow always cheers me up. Nice.

DARK WAS THE NIGHT

THIS DISC
1 Knotty Pine – Dirty Projectors + David Byrne
2 Cello Song (Nick Drake) – The Books featuring Jose Gonzalez
3 Train Song (Vashti Bunyan recorded, written by Alasdair Clayre) – Feist + Ben Gibbard
4 Brackett, WI – Bon Iver
5 Deep Blue Sea – Grizzly Bear
6 So Far Around the Bend – The National (arrangement by Nico Muhly)
7 Tightrope – Yeasayer
8 Feeling Good (popularized by Nina Simone) – My Brightest Diamond
9 Dark Was the Night (Blind Willie Johnson) – Kronos Quartet
10 I Was Young When I Left Home (Bob Dylan) – Antony + Bryce Dessner
11 Big Red Machine – Justin Vernon + Aaron Dessner
12 Sleepless – The Decemberists
13 Stolen Houses (Die) – Iron and Wine
14 Service Bell – Grizzly Bear + Feist
15 You Are The Blood – Sufjan Stevens

THAT DISC
1 Well-Alright – Spoon
2 Lenin – Arcade Fire
3 Mimizan – Beirut
4 El Caporal – My Morning Jacket
5 Inspiration Information (Shuggie Otis) – Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings
6 With A Girl Like You (The Troggs) – Dave Sitek
7 Blood Pt 2 (based on original song “You are the Blood” by the Castanets) – Buck 65 Remix (featuring Sufjan Stevens and Serengeti)
8 Hey, Snow White (Destroyer) – The New Pornographers
9 Gentle Hour (Snapper) – Yo La Tengo
10 Another Saturday (traditional song) – Stuart Murdoch
11 Happiness – Riceboy Sleeps
12 Amazing Grace (traditional song) – Cat Power and Dirty Delta Blues
13 The Giant Of Illinois (Handsome Family) – Andrew Bird
14 Lua – Conor Oberst + Gillian Welch
15 When the Road Runs Out – Blonde Redhead + Devastations
16 Love vs. Porn – Kevin Drew

change, transition, sadness, yuck,...

So... I went running tonight after going to the gym and thought about several things, but one being that I am a bit down today. I'm primarily sad because everyone around me is sad, or so it seems, and that lately I've been seeing the cup as a little less full. One of my best friends here is moving next week, for good reasons (she's getting married soon), but I'm sad to see her go and also sad to see her in the midst of all the emotion of major life changes. I don't want her to go because I want to be there for her in the midst of these changes, not just there on the phone but PHYSICALLY there so she can come over or I can go over. And I want her to be there for me, to listen to me process, to listen to my griping, and to speak truth and wisdom to me, and to just be around. So, I'm sad. And because I'm sad I'm irritated with life and all the things that do normally do irritate me, but that I don't even hardly actually notice, they're more minor things.

The other thing I thought about is that I feel like I've been so negative and so half cup almost empty (or at least not just almost full). I like being a positive, generally happy, cheerful person who cheers others up. I like being that person. I don't like being one who tells you all the bad going on in life first. But right now with the people closest to me, the people by whom I feel listened to, really, and feel free to be a mess, I've been tending to tell all the negative of my day and all the negative of life first. I have a million and one great things happening and going on, so why do I spew the grossness out. I guess I want to be known. I guess I need people to "carry my burdens" right now, or just there to let me get things out and then somehow it's a whole lot better. Hmm... I guess it's just humanness. And I guess it's just where I am right now. Not to say that I'm really in a dark, dark cloud, just in a lightly grey one. I mean, I'm totally justifying myself unnecessarily, but I am there for those around me, I'm just not quite the cup almost full girl, I'm more the half full person. And I guess it doesn't help that I've been a little under the weather too.

Somehow it's Friday night and while part of me really wanted to go hang out with people, the other part of me wanted to just be alone, to watch Grey's Anatomy, listen to some good music, maybe journal or not think at all, to talk to some friends, but to be alone and to let myself be sad or confused or whatever it is that I'm feeling right now. So yeah, that's what I'm doing. It's so weird. Fortunate for me there were some incredible leftovers in the fridge from lunch - my roommate made some rice stuffed sea bass for a meeting we had here at lunchtime. Incredible doesn't fully do it justice. And some nice red wine goes alone quite nicely. And, yeah, somehow getting all this out helps. And somehow being alone in the midst of this to process, and yet not actually feeling alone at all, and having talked to some good friends but not about all this but that love me and somehow are also feeling a bit down, makes me feel a bit more happy. hmm... oh, and by the way, you've gotta love the Dark Was The Night: Red Hot Compilation. sooooo soooo soooo good.

the reader

I just saw the Reader again tonight and discussed it with some friends. EXCELLENT film. I've hesitated to recommend it because of the nudity at the beginning of the film, but the way it treats the subject of guilt and forgiveness, or the lack there of, is EXCELLENT. It is craftfully written, taking twists that you wouldn't expect from the beginning. It is definitely a drama and one of the best films I've seen this year. I know that's pretty brief, but I'm still thinking about it.

dark was the night

I have said it before, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Dark Was The Night Compilation. It's an excellent mix of incredible musicians, pretty much all indie stuff and oh so good!

A mighty Fortress is our God,
A Bulwark never failing;
Our Helper He amid the flood
Of mortal ills prevailing;
For still our ancient Foe
Doth seek to work us woe;
His craft and power are great,
And, armed with cruel hate,
On earth is not his equal.
Did we in our own strength confide,
Our striving would be losing;
Were not the right Man on our side,
The Man of God's own choosing;
Dost ask who that may be?
Christ Jesus, it is He;
Lord Sabaoth His Name,
From age to age the same,
And He must win the battle.

And though this world, with devils filled,
Should threaten to undo us;
We will not fear, for God hath willed
His truth to triumph through us;
The Prince of Darkness grim,
We tremble not for him;
His rage we can endure,
For lo! his doom is sure,
One little word shall fell him.

That word above all earthly powers,
No thanks to them, abideth;
The Spirit and the gifts are ours
Through Him who with us sideth;
Let goods and kindred go,
This mortal life also;
The body they may kill;
God's truth abideth still,
His Kingdom is forever. Amen.

Martin Luther, 1529

mindy smith

Mindy Smith is quickly becoming someone I listen to now and again. I love her voice. It somewhat reminds me of Alison Krauss and Nickel Creek. Good stuff. But a little too depressing for me to listen to more than de vez y cuando.

lentejas & neighborliness

I've written before about my neighbor "joseph." He's an older widower who likes to cook and hunt and likes to blare his classical music and movie selections through the wall late at night. He also seems fairly intrigued by us, his "young," "cute," american neighbors. He's offered me his freshly killed pheasant, his maple syrup, and various culinary inventions. A few weeks ago he gave me some paella, sometime before he gave me some homemade paté and boquerones (I'm not sure of the english word, they're like anchovies, but a different little fish and with vinager, very yummy). Today it was lentejas, which I love. And somehow I love being cooked for. It's very neighborly. I just need to make some time to cook something that is worth sharing. I mean don't get me wrong, I do love to cook but recently I've neither had time nor been very hungry, so I have lived primarily on coffee, salads, apples & peanut butter, soy yogurt, pasta,... you know the easy to grab, semi-healthy food for one. I'm not much for baking, but I did make some mean scones not too long ago, so maybe I can whip some of those up for joseph this weekend.

"God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy habitation of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;
he utters his voice, the earth melts.
The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah

Come, behold the works of the Lord,
how he has brought desolation on the earth.
He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the chariots with fire.
“Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah" -- Psalm 46

---
(from the Daily Office)
One thing I have asked of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life; to behold the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple.

Who is it that you seek? We seek the Lord our God.
Do you seek Him with all your heart? Amen. Lord, have mercy.
Do you seek Him with all your soul? Amen. Lord, have mercy.
Do you seek Him with all your mind? Amen. Lord, have mercy.
Do you seek Him with all your strength? Amen. Christ, have mercy.

To whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed and have come to know that You are the Holy One of God.
Praise to You, Lord Jesus Christ, King of endless glory.


Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name;
Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done; on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil.
For Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever and ever. Amen

Declaration of faith - Apostle's Creed
I believe in God, the Father Almighty, the Maker of heaven and earth, and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord:
Who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, dead, and buried;
He descended into hell.
On the third day He arose again from the dead;
He ascended into heaven, and sitteth at the right hand of God the Father Almighty; from thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Ghost; the holy catholic church; the communion of saints; the forgiveness of sins; the resurrection of the body; and the life everlasting.
Amen.

Nicene Creed

I believe in one God, the Father Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth, and of all things visible and invisible.

And in one Lord Jesus Christ, the only-begotten Son of God, begotten of the Father before all worlds; God of God, Light of Light, very God of very God; begotten, not made, being of one substance with the Father, by whom all things were made.

Who, for us men and for our salvation, came down from heaven, and was incarnate by the Holy Spirit of the virgin Mary, and was made man; and was crucified also for us under Pontius Pilate; He suffered and was buried; and the third day He rose again, according to the Scriptures; and ascended into heaven, and sits on the right hand of the Father; and He shall come again, with glory, to judge the quick and the dead; whose kingdom shall have no end.

And I believe in the Holy Ghost, the Lord and Giver of Life; who proceeds from the Father and the Son; who with the Father and the Son together is worshipped and glorified; who spoke by the prophets.

And I believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Church. I acknowledge one baptism for the remission of sins; and I look for the resurrection of the dead, and the life of the world to come. Amen.


Teach us, dear Lord, to number our days; that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom. Oh, satisfy us early with Thy mercy, that we may rejoice and be glad all of our days. And let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us; and establish Thou the work of our hands. And let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us; and establish Thou the work of our hands, dear Lord.

Let nothing disturb thee,
nothing affright thee;
all things are passing,
God never changeth!
Patient endurance
attaineth to all things;
who God possesseth
in nothing is wanting;
alone God sufficeth.


Out of the depths I have cried to You, O Lord! O Lord, hear my voice.
With my whole heart I want to praise You. O Lord, hear my voice.
If you, Lord, should mark iniquities: Who could stand? who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness, that you may be feared.
I wait for the Lord, my soul doth wait, and in his word I hope, in his word I trust;
my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning,
more than watchmen for the morning.

O Israel, hope in the Lord!
For with the Lord there is steadfast love, and with him is plentiful redemption.
And he will redeem Israel from all his iniquities. (from Psalm 130)


Lord, You have always given bread for the coming day;
and though I am poor, today I believe.

Lord, You have always given strength for the coming day;
and though I am weak, today I believe.

Lord, You have always given peace for the coming day;
and though of anxious heart, today I believe.

Lord, You have always kept me safe in trials;
and now, tried as I am, today I believe.

Lord, You have always marked the road for the coming day;
and though it may be hidden, today I believe.

Lord, You have always lightened this darkness of mine;
and though the night is here, today I believe.

Lord, You have always spoken when time was ripe;
and though you be silent now, today I believe.


In the shadow of Your wings I will sing Your praises, O Lord.

The Lord is my light, my salvation; whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the refuge of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

In the shadow of Your wings I will sing Your praises, O Lord.

One thing I ask of the Lord, one thing I seek;
to dwell in the presence of my God, to gaze on Your holy place.

In the shadow of Your wings I will sing Your praises, O Lord.

I believe I shall see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. O wait for the Lord! Have courage and wait, wait for the Lord.

In the shadow of Your wings I will sing Your praises, O Lord. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen

bats & the bat bridge in austin

Somehow i think bats are nifty creatures. They're like birds, but cooler and they come out at night, which somehow I also think is cool.

I think I began my fascination with bats in college at Mizzou where bats come out at night and fly around the quad and Jesse Hall (the admin building). Then when I lived in Sevilla, there was a cool bridge (I think the puente de triana) that has an area where people boulder and it's the same bridge where a flock of bats can be seen at night. Macy and I would wander over there at night to pray and admire our flying friends. In Madrid too there are some bats, just a few, who fly around the park where I like to run.

So, today when my dad was talking about his recent work trip to Austin I was THRILLED to hear about the bat bridge, which someday I will have to visit.

"Every summer, a million and a half bats in Austin, Texas make themselves at home.

The Congress Avenue Bridge has become, quite accidentally, the largest urban bat colony in the world. When engineers finished its reconstruction in 1980, it turned out that the crevices underneath the bridge doubled as perfect bat housing. When Mexican free-tail bats began their yearly migration north the next spring, they moved in by the thousands.

Austin freaked. Bats have a very bad reputation, thanks in equal part to both rabies and Béla Lugosi, and people demanded that the housing be demolished. Luckily, a group by the name of Bat Conservation International made an appearance, and explained to Austinites that, minus a nasty guano habit, bats are actually both brilliant and adorable. And the ones now living in their midst eat anywhere from ten to twenty thousand pounds of insects per night.

Nowadays, the Congress Avenue Bridge brings in 100,000 tourists annually. The mostly female colony starts moving in around March, and each female gives birth to a single pup by early June. The pups mature over the next five weeks, until eventually they can leave the roost with their mothers en masse, and take Austin’s insect population by storm."

Fun, huh! And apparently my parents joined the hundreds of people there to walk the stream of bats fly out at dusk, not once but twice. I love my dad. I'm sure it was his idea. So, if you're ever in Austin, remember to check out the bat bridge, or the Congress Avenue Bridge as it's properly known.

"Uncivilized we call him, but I just saw him eat off the food we waste"

"Uncivilized we call him, but I just saw him eat off the food we waste." - "Mister Wendel," Arrested Development

So yesterday for the second day in a row I saw some people going through the trash after the grocery store had closed picking out food that was still good to take with them - lettuce, strawberries,... It's not the first time I've seen people do this but it's been a little while. Somehow their actions beg my respect. I mean I would have a hard time going through the trash looking for food unless I was really in need. But the thing that strikes me is that they're not begging for food, they're going out and finding it and using what we waste. It made me think of the Arrested Development song, "Mr. Wendel," which I've always liked although it's been years since I last heard it.

Then today as Bekah helped me take out an extra, unwanted, less than perfect bed frame for which I have no room in my city apartment, I was greeted below by some gypsies who asked if I had any metal I was throwing out. I didn't, but I LOVE that most of the time that I pitch something that could actually be of use to someone else, it often is picked up and taken home (or resold) by someone else. And again it made me think about these people who reuse what we see as waste, or unwanted.

I've always been a fan of trying to live fairly simply, not making much waste, recycling, reusing,... but I AM completely thankful that some of the waste that is fully reusable doesn't go to waste and I have a huge respect for these people who humble themselves to go through the waste of the grocery store in hope of finding perfectly good food.

Interestingly (from a anthropological perspective) in my neighborhood the only people I've seen fishing through the trash for food are South or Latin Americans. It is curious to me since there are plenty of people who beg on the street, many who are Spanish or European of some sort. And then there are the people that sell illegal stuff and bootlegged cds and dvds, who tend to be African and once in awhile South American. Most South American immigrants, however tend to work the menial jobs of caring for the elderly or children, or more blue collared work. Asians tend to set up their own dollar stores or quick shops. I know these are completely broad stereotypes, but since Spain is still fairly homogeneous, unfortunately race stereotypes tend to be generally correct (including those about Americans). As I rode the metro home the past couple days, however, I have been pleasantly surprised that these generalities were being challenged and seemingly seem to be changing. So, just to rest calmly, while these generalities are easy to make, I don't like that that is true nor do I like the fact that there is still very much a hierarchy of races in Spain. So, don't get me wrong, these are just observations.
---

















"Mister Wendel" Arrested Development

Go ahead, man

Here, have a dollar
In fact no, brother man, here, have two
Two dollars means a snack for me
But it means a big deal to you
Be strong, serve God only
Know that if you do, beautiful heaven awaits
That's the poem I wrote for the first time
I saw a man with no clothes, no money, no plate
Mister Wendal, that's his name
No one ever knew his name 'cause he's a no one
Never thought twice about spending on an old bum
Until I had the chance to really get to know one
Now that I know him, to give him money isn't charity
He gives me some knowledge, I buy him some shoes
And to think blacks spend all that money on big colleges
Still most of y'all come out confused

Go ahead, Mister Wendal
Go ahead, Mister Wendal

Mister Wendal has freedom
A free that you and I think is dumb
Free to be without the worries of a quick to diss society
For Mister Wendal's a bum
His only worries are sickness and an occasional harassment
By the police and their chase
Uncivilized we call him
But I just saw him eat off the food we waste
Civilization, are we really civilized
Yes or no, who are we to judge
When thousands of innocent men could be brutally enslaved
And killed over a racist grudge
Mister Wendal has tried to warn us about our ways
But we don't hear him talk
Is it his fault when we've gone too far
And we got too far 'cause on him we walk
Mister Wendal, a man, a human in flesh
But not by law
I feed you dignity to stand with pride
Realize that all in all you stand tall

Go ahead, Mister Wendal
Mister Wendal, yeah
Yeah, Mister Wendal
Mister Wendal, yeah, Lord

Mister Wendal

Mister Wendal
Mister

"What is thy only comfort in life and death?

That I with body and soul, both in life and death, am not my own, but belong unto my faithful Saviour Jesus Christ; who, with his precious blood, has fully satisfied for all my sins, and delivered me from all the power of the devil; and so preserves me that without the will of my heavenly Father, not a hair can fall from my head; yea, that all things must be subservient to my salvation, and therefore, by his Holy Spirit, He also assures me of eternal life, and makes me sincerely willing and ready, henceforth, to live unto him." (from the Heidelberg Catechism)

Transition / Change Cycle

So, way back when I heard about the change cycle, what everyone normal goes through when there is big transition. My team here is all leaving over the next few months and most of them leave in 3-4 weeks. Crazy.

So today I was talking to Bekah, who is one of those leaving and also a good good friend (who is leaving because she's getting married). Anyway, she was looking through a copy of the change cycle and rightly diagnosed me in the second phase, where I am no longer avoiding the inevitable but where my emotions are a bit exaggerated and all I want is structure (something I generally don't need much of). There is more, but all that to say that I'm normal. Thank God. Recently I've noticed I feel like my emotions can be all over the place. Yes, the Lord reminds me of what is true and I eventually get back to normal, but in the meantime I freak out a bit, probably replaying and over-evaluating everything. I love understanding things, which doesn't justify my psycho behavior or mood swings, but puts things back into perspective and helps me to know what to expect and helps me to respond better. I'll have to find a copy of it and put it up for any others going through the craziness that is BIG change and transition.

Rey de Justicia

"Rey de Justicia" - En Espiritu y Verdad

Rey de Justicia, Rey de Verdad
Rey de Salvación, Rey de Salvación

Yo quiero subir al monte del sol
Contigo habitar por la eternidad
Tu abriste camino que llevas al Padre
Entregaste tu vida, derramaste tu sangre

Rey de Justicia, Rey de Verdad
Rey de Salvación, Rey de Salvación

Marcaste la historia con tu salvación
Quitando el pecado que no se parro
Abriste camino y llevaste al Padre
Entregaste tu vida, derramaste tu sangre

Rey de Justicia, Rey de Verdad
Rey de Salvación, Rey de Salvación

Extienda tu reina en nuestras vidas
Ascienta tu trono en nuestros corazones
Extienda tu reina en nuestras vidas
Ascienta tu trono en nuestros corazones

Abriste camino que llevas al Padre
Entregaste tu vida, derramaste tu sangre
Abriste camino que llevas al Padre
Entregaste tu vida, derramaste tu sangre

Rey de Justicia, Rey de Verdad
Rey de Salvación, Rey de Salvación

I love this song. I think it's probably originally by Hillsong, but En Espíritu y Verdad sings it in Spanish. I love it because it reminds me of God's greatness and the security found in him alone. :-)

the black eyed peas

Somehow all day I've had "I've Got A Feeling" in my head, which is one of the great songs of the year, in my book. And you've gotta love the Black Eyed Peas. Somehow I love the mix of rap and dance music. I love the beat and the evolution of their music.

Harps / el Arpa

Harps. Lately they seem to be popping up all over the place. Joanna Newsom plays one (although someone recently told me that her new album doesn't have much harp). When my dear friend Karen was here, we saw a man playing one in Plaza Mayor here in Madrid. And he was not a harp-playing type. He looked more likely to be in some sort of death metal band. Although with the celtic influence from NW Spain / Galicia, it made a bit more sense. As he fixed a broken string a three year old little boy stood by extremely attentive. It was the event of the year. He watched every move and despite the kids playing around him, he stood glued to the harpsist. Soon after a small following of little kids joined him in awe of this man in his twenties playing this celestial sounding instrument. If it weren't for the fact that Karen was exhausted with jetlag we would have probably stayed around even longer.

my amiable mechanic

Unfortunately I've had to take my car into the shop WAY too frequently in the past couple weeks. Probably because I feel a bit ignorant about cars and have heard too many stories of shady mechanics AND because it tends to cost money that I'd rather spend on other things, I'm not the hugest fan of going to the mechanic. First it was for the water pump (every time I drove it I had to fill up the antifreeze thing with water at least once or this light that said STOP would come on) and the timing belt. Then I got the car back and it was making a weird noise, which I assumed was the engine, since they had just changed the timing belt inside, but no. It was the bearings in one of the wheels. (My spanish mechanical vocabulary is quickly growing.) Way too much money, but what can you do.

I found this mechanic from my portera (the lady that cleans the apt building, gets our packages, takes care of our apt building stuff, and who also happens to be a friend) who said he was honest and such. And it just happens that his last name is AMABLE, similar to amiable or nice. And he is just that. After getting my oil changed the first time I wasn't so sure, but after the fiasco with the water pump I started to like the guy who showed me the pieces he took out and explained what had happened and why and such. Big points. And since I was going to have to replace the timing belt soon anyway, kept trying to reassure me that I had actually SAVED a ton of money in labor by doing both things together. Then I went back because of the weird noise and he went with me in the car to hear it. I loved that he actually treated me not like I was completely ignorant about car stuff.

So today I went to pick up my car and got talking to Mr. Amable. I mentioned that it seemed a lot quieter today in the shop (since i was just there yesterday when it was packed). He said that it had been a bit too quiet, in terms of work, and that it was a shame that he couldn't just leave and go to the countryside instead of waiting 'til tomorrow. I asked him where usually went and he said anywhere but then told me about this beautiful valley between Avila and Cáceres (NW from here, Madrid, i think) that is fully in bloom right now - poppies, tons of cherry trees, almond trees, other flowers,... and he described how beautiful it is and that i should check it out sometime. And it did sound amazing! Plus the fact that I love the spring and nature and pretty things. But it also made me smile because who would have thought that my mechanic would be telling me about the beauty of the pink, purple, red and white cherry trees. Only in spain. :-)

feliz pascua!!!

"El ángel dijo a las mujeres: 'No os asustéis. Sé que estáis buscando a Jesús, el crucificado, pero no está aquí; ha resucitado, como dijo.'" Mateo 28.5 Jesús ha resucitado! Jesus is risen! He is risen indeed! Happy Easter!

regina spektor

hmm... definitely another great musician. and somehow the song "Eet" is definitely up there on my list of songs. it's on my list of happy music.

Today is a day that I am SOOO very thankful for a little time to go to the gym & then to run, to relax and disconnect, to think & process life, to just be and not have to solve any problems, not be able to be interrupted, not having to do anything but run,... I love the now familiar sounds, I love looking up at the sky, I love the repetitive motion and pushing myself. It is so nice. And I'm so grateful for time to disconnect and forget all the problems of my day. And then the benefit of feeling great and having little endorphins (the runner's high of sorts) that help me have a new perspective on life. And today was one day that I really needed to disconnect. Somehow problem after problem seemed to pop out of no where and just bog me down a bit. So getting out and disconnecting and getting perspective was GOOD, very GOOD.

joanna newsom

Joanna Newsom is quickly becoming one of my favorite music artists. She has such a solid but whimsical sound and I love the fact that it's youthful playfulness somehow puts me in a good mood. It makes me feel happy and like I'm outside running through a field or frolicking. Okay, I know that sounds cheesy. Anyway, I think Joanna Newsome is awfully swell.

Bono: "You see, at the center of all religions is the idea of Karma. You know, what you put out comes back to you: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, or in physics—in physical laws—every action is met by an equal or an opposite one. It's clear to me that Karma is at the very heart of the universe. I'm absolutely sure of it. And yet, along comes this idea called Grace to upend all that "as you reap, so you will sow" stuff. Grace defies reason and logic. Love interrupts, if you like, the consequences of your actions, which in my case is very good news indeed, because I've done a lot of stupid stuff...

...I'd be in big trouble if Karma was going to finally be my judge. I'd be in deep s---. It doesn't excuse my mistakes, but I'm holding out for Grace. I'm holding out that Jesus took my sins onto the Cross, because I know who I am, and I hope I don't have to depend on my own religiosity.

Look, the secular response to the Christ story always goes like this: he was a great prophet, obviously a very interesting guy, had a lot to say along the lines of other great prophets, be they Elijah, Muhammad, Buddha, or Confucius. But actually Christ doesn't allow you that. Christ says: No. I'm not saying I'm a teacher, don't call me teacher. I'm not saying I'm a prophet. I'm saying: "I'm the Messiah." I'm saying: "I am God incarnate... I know you're expecting me to come back with an army, and set you free from these creeps, but actually I am the Messiah. So what you're left with is: either Christ was who He said He was—the Messiah—or a complete nutcase... The idea that the entire course of civilization for over half of the globe could have its fate changed and turned upside-down by a nutcase, for me, that's far-fetched …

...I love the idea of the Sacrificial Lamb. I love the idea that God says: Look, you cretins, there are certain results to the way we are, to selfishness, and there's a mortality as part of your very sinful nature, and, let's face it, you're not living a very good life, are you? There are consequences to actions. The point of the death of Christ is that Christ took on the sins of the world, so that what we put out did not come back to us, and that our sinful nature does not reap the obvious death. That's the point. It should keep us humbled... It's not our own good works that get us through the gates of heaven.

If only we could be a bit more like Him, the world would be transformed. …When I look at the Cross of Christ, what I see up there is all my s--- and everybody else's. So I ask myself a question a lot of people have asked: Who is this man? And was He who He said He was, or was He just a religious nut? And there it is, and that's the question. And no one can talk you into it or out of it."



Grace... Redemption... God taking my sin and my place on the cross... God paying my debt and giving me LIFE, not just putting me at zero or neutral but giving me his character and goodness accredited to my account (and then teaching me to walk in his ways and giving me the ability to do so)... all things I'm oh so very thankful for and yet wish that somehow I understood them better than I do, internally, so that I would actually live FULLY out of those realities and truths, particularly as they relate to loving others well and helping others to understand and fully grasp the unmerited grace and love of God in Christ. :-o

these are a few of my favorite things

A few of the things that make me happy:

sunshine
blue skies
foreign languages
good music - right now i'm listening to joanna newsom & carla bruni
good friends
good food
good wine
dark chocolate with little dark bits in it
witty books - right now "up in the old hotel" by joseph mitchell
quiet days
tea
a frothy soy cappuccinos or cafe con soja
a good espresso or macchiatto
time to be creative, decorate, make things for people, write letters, etc.,
lit candles
unique but pretty fabrics / prints / clothes
old houses, old apartments
exploring / wandering around a city
sevilla
paris
good friends
my family
lavender
lavender tea & lavender lattés with almond milk
sushi!
lemon, mango, raspberry sorbet
milkless desserts
fruit
salad with good lettuce and lots of fresh veggies (cucumber, red pepper, avocado, dried cranberries, fruit, carrots, radishes, nuts,...)
happy music
people
beautiful scenery
nature
snow covered cities or parks
fresh flowers
buying gifts for people (at least thoughtful gifts)
sewing
spanish
spanish food
having friends over
significant conversations
reading God's word
music
live music
the harp
hearing my brother play the piano or sing
my sister's art & her photos
hanging out with my siblings
nyc
philadelphia
lawrence, ks
madrid
paris
running
walking
being outside
exercise
of course Jesus & the Bible (goes without saying)
gospel-centered preaching
little things
leaves changing colors
spring flowers
the first snow
fresh air, the mountains, the woods, creeks, rivers, lakes, the ocean
the sound of flowing water
random things that make me laugh
wittily funny people

“Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.” John 6:68-69

good food for thought

"O Lord God,
Thou hast commanded me to believe in Jesus;
and I would flee to no other refuge,
wash in no other fountain,
build on no other foundation,
receive from no other fullness,
rest in no other relief..."
-- "Jesus My Glory," The Valley of Vision

"Glorious Jehovah, my Covenant God,
All thy promises in Christ Jesus are
yea an amen, and all shall be fulfilled.
Thou hast spoken them, and they shall be done,
commanded, and they shall come to pass.
Yet I have often doubted thee,
have lived at times as if there were no God.
Lord, forgive me that death in life,
when I have found something apart from thee,
when I have been content with ephemeral things.
But through thy grace I have repented;
Thou hast given me to read my pardon in the wounds of Jesus,
and my soul doth trust in him, my God incarnate,
the ground of my life, the spring of my hope.
Teach em to be resigned to thy will,
to delight in thy law, to have no will but thine,
to believe that everything thou doest is for my good.
Help me to leave my concerns in thy hands,
for thou hast power over evil,
and bringest from it an infinite progression of good,
until thy purposes are fulfilled.
Bless me with Abraham's faith
that staggers not at promises through unbelief.
May I not instruct thee in my troubles,
but glorify thee in my trials;
Grant me a distinct advance in the divine life;
May I reach a higher platform,
leave the mists of doubt and fear in the valley,
and climb to hill-tops of eternal security in Christ
by simply believing he cannot lie,
or turn from his purpose.
Give me the confidence I out to have in him
who is worthy to be praised,
and who is blessed for evermore."
-- "Divine Promises," The Valley of Vision

"Eternal Father,
It is amazing love,
that thou hast sent thy Son
to suffer in my stead,
that thou hast added the Spirit
to teach, comfort, guide,
that thou hast allowed
the ministry of angels
to wall me round;
All heaven subserves
the welfare of a poor worm.
Permit thy unseen servants
to be ever active on my behalf,
and to rejoice when grace expands in me.
Suffer them never to rest
until my conflict is over,
and I stand victorious
on salvation's shore..."
-- "Spiritual Helps," The Valley of Vision

"O Lord,
Whose power is infinite and wisdom infallible,...
Let me dwell in thy most secret place under thy shadow,
where is safe impenetrable protection from
the arrows that flieth by day,
the pestilence that walketh in darkness,
the strife of tongues,
the malice of ill-will,
the hurt of unkind talk,
the snares of company,
the perils of youth,
the temptation of middle life,
the mournings of old age,
the fear of death...
All my jewels I give to the shadow of the safety
that is in thee-
my name anew in Christ,
my body, soul, talents, character,
my success, wife, children, friends, work,
my present, my future, my end.
Take them, they are thine, and I am thine,
now and for ever."
-- "Refuge," The Valley of Vision

"Lord Jesus,
Give me to love thee, to embrace thee,
though I once took lust and sin in my arms.
Thou didst love me before I loved thee,
an enemy, a sinner, a loathsome worm.
Thou didst own me when I disclaimed myself;
Thou dost love me as a [daughter],
and weep over me as over Jerusalem.
Love brought thee from heaven to earth,
from earth to the cross,
from the cross to the grave.
Love cause thee to be
weary, hungry, tempted,
scorned, scourged,
buffeted, spat upon,
crucified, and pierced.
Love led thee to bow thy head in death.
My salvation is the point where
perfect created love
and the most perfect uncreated love
meet together;
for thou dost welcome me,
not like Joseph and his brothers,
loving and sorrowing, but loving and rejoicing.
This love is not intermittent, cold, changeable;
it does not cease or abate for all my enmity.

Holiness is a spark from thy love
kindled to a flame in my heart by thy Spirit,
and so it ever turns to the place
from which it comes.
Let me see thy love everywhere,
not only in the cross,
but in the fellowship of believers
and in the world around me.
When I feel the warmth of the sun
may I praise thee who art the Sun of righteousness
with healing power.
When I feel the tender rain
may I think of the gospel showers
that water my soul.
When I walk by the river side
may I praise thee for that stream that makes
the eternal city glad, and washes white my robes
that I may have the right to the tree of life.
Thy infinite love is a mystery of mysteries,
and my eternal rest lies
in the eternal enjoyment of it."
-- "Love," The Valley of Vision

water

Wow! "Water" is an incredible film! Definitely one of the best films I've seen in awhile, particularly in the foreign film genre, which I LOVE!

It's a fuerte film in the respect that it's about widows in India - if you're widowed, you're widowed for life and live a life somewhat as an outcast. Incredible film though. Amazing colors, great music, and about a culture at least I find intriguing because it's so different from my own. Some of the big themes have to do with hope, tradition, religion, truth, or what is right and wrong and how do you decide,... Wow!

God sovereign and generous,
Who commands the rise and fall of the nations,
Who calls and has chosen many peoples,
Who weeps when they harm each other,
Who haunts every local culture – including ours –
With your will for well-being,
Who draws close to the powerless and
Surprises with power via weakness…

You are the one whom we praise in astonishment,
We adore in gladness,
We thank in gratitude…

For who you are,
For what you do,
For how you hope.

Look with mercy on us this day,
On all the churches we serve and love,
On all the people we name,
On all the communities so fragile in which we are embedded.

Look with your mercy, and we will obey you all the day long. In the name of Jesus who obeyed fully. Amen.

Walter Brueggemann
Awed to Heaven, Rooted in Earth

Isaiah 19:23-25

A couple passages I've been meditating on:

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-7

"I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord, who ma...de heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is your keeper;
the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life.
The Lord will keep
your going out and your coming in
from this time forth and forevermore." - Psalm 121

"...church...a place of welcome and laughter, of healing and hope, of friends and family and justice and new life. It's where the homeless drop in for a bowl of soup and the elderly stop by for a chat. It's where one group is working to help the drug addicts and another is campaigning for global justice. It's where you'll find people learning to pray, coming to faith, struggling with temptation, finding new purpose, and getting in touch with a new power to carry that purpose out. It's where people bring their own small faith and discover, in getting together with others to worship the one true God, that the whole becomes greater than the sum of its parts. No church is like this all the time. But a remarkable number of churches are partly like that for quite a lot of the time.

Nor must we forget that it was the church in South Africa which worked and prayed and suffered and struggled so that, when major change happened and apartheid was overthrown and a new freedom came to that land, it came without the massive bloodshed we were all expecting. It was the church which stayed alive at the heart of the old Communist eastern Europe, and which at the end, with processions of candles and crosses, made it clear that enough was enough. It is the church which, despite all its follies and failings, is there when it counts in hospitals, schools, prisons, and many other places..." NT Wright, Simply Christian, p. 123

snow!

It's snowing!!!

I'm still feeling quite melancholy and trying to sort through my wealth of emotions. There is something comforting and refreshing about snow. It's like rain, in that it feels like creation is sad with me, and yet it's light and fluffy and right now coming down pretty hard. Since I live in Madrid, it likely won't stick, but for the time being I can enjoy the clumps of snow falling down.

My sweet roommate left a copy of a page from the book Thirty-one Days of Praise. It's exactly what I need right now:

Father, I'm so delighted that You are both loving and sovereign, and that You cause all things to work together for good to those who love You, to those who are called according to Your purpose. So I thank You for each disturbing or humbling situation in my life, for each breaking or cleansing process You are allowing, for each problem or hindrance, for each thing that triggers in me anxiety or anger or pain. And I thank You in advance for each disappointment, each demanding duty, each pressure, each interruption that may arise in the coming hours and days.

In spite of what I think or feel when I get my eyes off You, I choose not to resist my trials as intruders, but to welcome them as friends. (Okay, that's a little harder to say.)

Thank You that each difficulty is an opportunity to see You work... that in Your time You will bring me out to a place of abundance. I rejoice that You plan to enrich and beautify me through each problem, each conflict, each struggle... that through them You expose my weaknesses and needs, my hidden sins, my self-centeredness (and especially my self-reliance and pride (which are most definitely there more than I wish were the case)). Thank You that You use trials to humble me and perfect my faith and produce in me the quality of endurance that they prepare the soil of my heart for the fresh new growth in godliness that You and I both long to see in me... and that my momentary troubles are producing for me an eternal glory that far outweighs them all, as I keep my eyes focused on You. I'm grateful that You look beyond my superficial desire for a trouble-free life; instead, You fulfill my deep-down desire to glorify You, enjoy Your warm fellowship, and become more like Your Son.

I thank You for the bitter things
They've been a friend to grace,
They've driven me from teh paths of ease
To storm the secret place.
- Florence White Willett

Oh, how sweet the Lord is, how gentle and tender. Praise Him, even in the midst of a messy world, in fact, all the more in the mess of my life, those around me, and the broken sorrows of life, sin y tal.

Be Still, and Know That I Am God

It's been nice to rest a bit this morning and to regain some much needed perspective. I am beginning to love Mondays! Well, here is some of what I read this morning (and part of what I intend to read later):

"God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy habitation of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;
he utters his voice, the earth melts.
The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah

Come, behold the works of the Lord,
how he has brought desolation on the earth.
He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the chariots with fire.
“Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah" -- Psalm 46

---
(from the Daily Office)
Morning Prayer

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen

Opening sentences

One thing I have asked of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life; to behold the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple.

Call & Response

Who is it that you seek? We seek the Lord our God.
Do you seek Him with all your heart? Amen. Lord, have mercy.
Do you seek Him with all your soul? Amen. Lord, have mercy.
Do you seek Him with all your mind? Amen. Lord, have mercy.
Do you seek Him with all your strength? Amen. Christ, have mercy.

Declaration of faith

To whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed and have come to know that You are the Holy One of God.

Praise to You, Lord Jesus Christ, King of endless glory.


Scripture readings, Meditation, Prayers for others


Canticle

Christ, as a light illumine and guide me.
Christ, as a shield overshadow me.
Christ under me; Christ over me;
Christ beside me on my left and my right.
This day be within and without me,
lowly and meek, yet all-powerful.
Be in the heart of each to whom I speak;
in the mouth of each who speaks unto me.
This day be within and without me,
lowly and meek, yet all-powerful.
Christ as a light; Christ as a shield;
Christ beside me on my left and my right.

Blessing

May the peace of the Lord Christ go with you,
wherever He may send you.
May He guide you through the wilderness,
protect you through the storm.
May He bring you home rejoicing at the wonders He has shown you.
May He bring you home rejoicing once again into our doors.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen
---

Midday Prayer

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen

Opening Sentences

Let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us. Establish Thou the work of our hands; establish Thou the work of our hands.

The Lord's Prayer

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name;
Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done; on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil.
For Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever and ever. Amen

Declaration of faith

We believe and trust in God the Father Almighty.
We believe and trust in Jesus Christ His Son.
We believe and trust in the Holy Spirit.
We believe and trust in the Three in One.

Canticle

Teach us, dear Lord, to number our days;that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom. Oh, satisfy us early with Thy mercy,that we may rejoice and be glad all of our days. And let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us; and establish Thou the work of our hands. And let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us; and establish Thou the work of our hands, dear Lord.

Blessing

Let nothing disturb thee,
nothing affright thee;
all things are passing,
God never changeth!
Patient endurance
attaineth to all things;
who God possesseth
in nothing is wanting;
alone God sufficeth.

In the name of the Father,and of the Son,and of the Holy Spirit. Amen
---

Evening Prayer

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen

Opening sentences

My soul waits for the Lord more than those who watch for the morning, more than those who watch for the morning.

Call & Response

Out of the depths I have cried to You. O Lord, hear my voice.
With my whole heart I want to praise You. O Lord, hear my voice.
If you, Lord, should mark iniquities: Who could stand? who could stand?

I will wait for the Lord. My soul waits, and in His word do I hope.

Expressions of faith

Lord, You have always given bread for the coming day;
and though I am poor, today I believe.

Lord, You have always given strength for the coming day;
and though I am weak, today I believe.

Lord, You have always given peace for the coming day;
and though of anxious heart, today I believe.

Lord, You have always kept me safe in trials;
and now, tried as I am, today I believe.

Lord, You have always marked the road for the coming day;
and though it may be hidden, today I believe.

Lord, You have always lightened this darkness of mine;
and though the night is here, today I believe.

Lord, You have always spoken when time was ripe;
and though you be silent now, today I believe.

Scripture readings, Meditation, Prayers for others

Canticle

In the shadow of Your wings I will sing Your praises, O Lord.

The Lord is my light, my salvation; whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the refuge of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

In the shadow of Your wings I will sing Your praises, O Lord.

One thing I ask of the Lord, one thing I seek;
to dwell in the presence of my God, to gaze on Your holy place.

In the shadow of Your wings I will sing Your praises, O Lord.

I believe I shall see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. O wait for the Lord! Have courage and wait, wait for the Lord.

In the shadow of Your wings I will sing Your praises, O Lord.

Blessing

See that ye be at peace among yourselves, my children, and love one another. Follow the example of good men of old and God will comfort you and help you, both in this world and in the world which is to come.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen

Corinne Bailey Rae - that's what I'm listening to right now. It's amazing how music can change your mood and somehow make it all better. I think music is somehow part of God's common grace to us. It is part of the world that reflects a better place and that can make us feel at home, content, and just happy.

Right now I'm seeing more of the brokenness of life and the world and my little world and yet I know, at least in my head, that isn't the full picture. Hmm... thank goodness for happy music. "Just like a star" and the rest of that album is shining some sun on my rainy, dark day, which in reality isn't all that dark.

Uf... That last picture is quite appropriate to how I feel right now - a big iceberg. This has been a tough, frustrating week and there is much under the surface right now in respect to my emotions. I just got off the phone with a friend only to realize that I was probably not the best listener nor the most empathetic friend tonight. And I feel horrible about it. And yet I have a ton of emotions under the surface, most of which are unfixable circumstances at least unfixable by me. They are fully manageable for the God of all creation and even in the midst of messing people and bad decisions, he can actually redeem the situation. But right now I'm wrestling to let God be God and to realize that I am a mere mortal who needs to pray, rest, and trust Him.

"Right from the beginning we run into the problem that will haunt the narrative throughout: What happens when the lifeboat which sets off to rescue the wrecked ship is itself trapped between the rocks and the waves, itself in need of rescue? What happens when the people through whom God wants to mount his rescue operation, the people through whom he intends to set the world to rights, themselves need rescuing, themselves need putting to rights? What happens when Israel becomes part of the problem, not just the bearer of the solution?...

... the story of Israel [as told throughout the Bible] carries at its heart a single theme... It is the story of going away and coming back home again" of slavery and exodus, of exile and restoration. It is the story which Jesus of Nazareth consciously told in his words, in his actions, and supremely in his death and resurrection." NT Wright, p.75,Simply Christian

I loved this movie. It's been a few years since I saw it, but it left an impression and BEAUTY is a major theme in it. I thought back to the movie briefly as I read the following quote from Simply Christian (again, you should really read the whole book):

"Beauty, in other words, is another echo of a voice - a voice which (from the evidence before us) might be saying one of several different things, but which, were we to hear it in all its fullness, would make sense of what we presently see and hear and know and love and call "beautiful." ...

Heaven and earth are full of a glory, a glory which stubbornly refuses to be reduced to terms of the senses of the humans who perceive it." - NT Wright, Simply Christian, Chapter 4

"I had a dream the other night, a powerful and interesting dream. And the really frustrating thing about it is that I can't remember what it was about. I had a flash of it as I woke up, enough to make me think how extraordinary and meaningful it was; and then it was gone. And so, to misquote TS Eliot, I had the meaning but missed the experience.

Our passion for justice often seems like that. We dream the dream of justice. We glimpse, for a moment, a world at one, a world put to rights, a world where things work out, where societies function fairly and efficiently, where we not only know what we ought to do but actually do it. And then we wake up and come back to reality. But what are we hearing when we're dreaming that dream?

It's as though we can hear, not perhaps a voice itself, but the echo of a voice: a voice speaking with calm, healing authority, speaking about justice, about things being put to rights, about peace and hope an prosperity for all. The voice continues to echo in our imagination, our subconscious. We want to go back and listen to it again, but having woken up we can't get back into the dream. Other people sometimes tell us it was just a fantasy, and we're half-inclined to believe them, even though that condemns us to cynicism.

But the voice goes on, calling us, beckoning us, luring us to think that there might be such a things as justice, as the world being put to rights, even though we find it so elusive. We're like moths trying to fly to the moon. We all know there's something called justice, but we can't quite get to it." NT Wright, Simply Christian, Chapter 1 "Putting the World to Rights"

By the way, great, great book!!!

"There are two sorts of traveler. The first sets off in the general direction of the destination and is quite happy to figure things out on the way, to read the signposts, ask directions, and muddle through. The second wants to know in advance what the road will be like, where it changes from a country road to a busy multilane highway, how long it will take to complete the different sections and so on.

Concertgoers are often like that, too. Some listeners prefer to allow the music to make its own impact, carrying them along from movement to movement without their knowing where it will go next. Others find great enjoyment by reading a program note in advance so that they can anticipate whtat is to come and have a mental picture of hte whole while listening to the parts as they unfold..." NT Wright, Simply Christian, Introduction

little things

i am fully aware of the fact that at times i make no sense. today i was in a horrible mood for the latter part of the day for NO reason whatsoever (other than purely hormonal, which is actually nice to know). the day started off great and nothing today happened that changed that reality. in fact, life in general is good. yet i realized i was extremely irritated by the smallest and stupidest of things. I could list the reasons, but there is no sense in it. so, i went to the gym. fortunately today was cardio day, so i did weights with various aerobic stuff in between. it was a good, or better great, workout. in fact, it gave me enough motivation to then go for a run, which was the best idea yet! it was raining lightly and somehow it just put me in the giddiest of moods. it was dark, so only the lights around the track through this park i go to were lit. my eyes were half closed due to the rain that continued to come down. and somehow most of the runners were dressed in blue coats of various shades. strange.

i got there, passed a few guys, which of course made me feel great. (and made me then run harder, so they wouldn't turn around to pass me - since a girl had just passed them, which honestly at times seems their motivation.) i was running alright and kept on convincing myself to go just a little longer, either with the motivation of "you can at least make it to the next turn", "you can at least make it to the end of this lap", "at least pass the guy up ahead in the blue jacket before you finish", or "if the blue jacket guy (a different one) up ahead keeps going then you have to too." and the fact that there were so many blue men, both made me laugh and somehow who ever i decided to pace myself with or pass magically would disappear. go figure. i know this whole dialogue is funny, but it works. i am definitely both competitive and motivated by little things. in fact, as i was running, i was thinking how silly i am - that some light rain, and the fact that i was running in the rain on what was progressively becoming a more and more beautiful night, was making me so happy when not that much before i was rationalizing with myself why it made no sense that i was in a bad mood.

later i got home, changed, grabbed some money and went to get some food for dinner at the grocery store, and put some music on. i originally put some dance music on and electronic stuff, but somehow while i was talking to my roommate it changed to death cab for cutie, which i LOVE. and which i had forgotten how much i love and how happy it too can make me. go figure. i have no clue. again, i know that at times i can be fairly illogical. but sometimes the little things - rain, a good workout, some great music - can make all the difference.

whip it

We're in the process of trying to find films for this semester's film night (so if you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them), but I recently saw this movie with the girl from Juno and LOVED it. I watched it just as a light movie one night, but actually think it is totally quality. So, thus far my lists of great movies seen in 2010 are:

Avatar
Whip It!
The Boys Are Back

I'd like to at some point see The Elegance of the Hedgehog (since the book was fabulous) and Sherlock Holmes, but they may have to wait until they come out on video.

no longer a learner, at least as far as driving in spain goes

It occurred to me this morning as I wrote a letter to a friend and dated it the 3rd of February that today is in fact the day I can take down my learner's "L" from the back window of my car. I've now had my spanish license a full year!!!

groundhog day

Groundhog Day is one of the strangest holidays I know and yet my roommate here in Madrid just informed me that Punxsutawney Phil (whom I previously didn't know the name of) just saw his shadow so there will be six more weeks of winter, which I could probably have told you as well from the cold winds of Madrid. It is a very strange holiday, I must say (particularly after I googled pictures of groundhog day and punxsutawney)... but I actually do agree with the little groundhog that it doesn't look like winter is quite over this year. So happy groundhog's day! And happy winter!

Oh... and some history for you as I googled groundhog's day from this link:

Groundhog Day : Can Spring Be Far Behind?

The custom of predicting future weather conditions based on animals dates back at least a thousand years, but using the weather on February 2nd to forecast a longer winter is more recent than that.

It was during the Dark Ages in Europe that this widespread superstition took hold. Peasants and nobles alike noticed a strong connection between a bright, sunny, medieval Candlemas Day and long, dreary winter weather extending into the next 6 weeks:

If Candlemas be fair and bright, Winter has another flight.
If Candlemas brings clouds and rain, Winter will not come again.

In Germany, meanwhile, it was the hedgehog that played a starring role in a similar belief.

Farmers waited for late winter to watch the hibernating animal to come out of his burrow. If the hedgehog saw his shadow on a bright, sunlit day he quickly returned to hibernate...and thus put the official stamp on a prediction of six more weeks of winter for German farmers.

German settlers later brought the old belief with them to Pennsylvania, replacing the hedgehog with the more common American groundhog,

And the rest, as they say, is Groundhog Day history.

In popular culture, the 1993 film comedy Groundhog Day was a major hit for star Bill Murray, bringing Punxsutawney Phil's popularity to new heights.

Today, Pennsylvania-born groundhog Punxsutawney Phil is a minor celebrity. This sleepy groundhog may be the most famous weather forecaster in the USA. Each year, the world's paparazzi hold vigil in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania on February 2 as America waits with frosted breath for Phil to emerge.

Again, as I said before, a strange, strange holiday, one that I would have had no idea was today if it weren't for the fact that my roommate mentioned it after seeing it on the news this afternoon in madrid. Again, very random, but it does seem that he'll be right this year...

Oh, and just in case there was any question, no we don't celebrate groundhog day in Spain. ;-)

This last picture is funny because on the metro today I just read about a bearded lady in the book I've been reading, Up In the Old Hotel, which is a mix of short stories (the majority factual) of various personajes de New York City. This particular story basically told about her life in various circuses and random shows. Strange, yes.

men are a mystery to me

This past weekend I met up with a good, good friend from when I lived in Kansas and two other guys from his team in Central Asia to hang out and to show them around Sevilla, where I lived from 1999-2001. It was great fun and they are hilarious, but there were a couple moments which made me walk away and think that men are strange... and definitely somewhat of a mystery to me. It was great to be with an old friend, which seems to be happening to me quite a bit this month, and to get to hang out with the guys for a couple days.

Some highlights of the weekend were:

... being in Sevilla, which I do miss and get back to way to infrequently
... getting caught up on my friend's life and hearing cotilleos de cada uno about girls and such
... walking around a bunch & being amazed that I still know how to navigate barrio Santa Cruz which is a maze of streets
... being in the company of three people who LOVE spanish food and culture - since basically everything that is normal here is prohibited where they live (a muslim country versus spain that has millions of pork products, great wine and such, and tons of unveiled and beautiful women)
... some of the hilarious and strange happenings - one being running into some study abroad students down by the river who were from a neighboring town of one of the guys from wisconsin who was OVERJOYED that he actually knew where he was from - he said it was the highlight of his ENTIRE time in Spain (which thusfar has been a full week, :-)). we happened to run into the same people two more times as we wandered around.
... sevilla, sevilla,...
... there actually being heat in the hostel we stayed at
... & just having some great time to relax